Week 4 Recap: Found: Parity

Ask and ye shall receive. A week after I lamented the huge amount of undefeated teams and their winless counterparts in Division 5, the FPF Gods answered my prayers for some big upsets by blessing us with exactly that: some big upsets. 

In the span of a week, we’ve gone from 12 winless teams in D5 to just half that number. And five D5 teams felt the pain of defeat this past week for the first time this season, meaning just eight still have a zero in the loss column.

With the midseason point now just around the corner, it’s certainly better late than never for those teams struggling early on to finally start showing signs of life – and just about the worst time for teams that hit the ground running to start slowing down.

 

Recaps: 5B

Fuzzy-Kittens Feeling Warm and Fuzzy

It took four long weeks, but at last Fuzzy-Kittens played well enough to earn their first win of the season. Still, Been There Done That made sure it wouldn’t be a cakewalk.

In a largely back and forth game, missed tackles and missed assignments by both teams had BTDT leading 37-32 with just three plays to go. It looked as though Fuzzy were headed for loss no. 4, but that was before Fuzzy receiver Gabriel Poisson made a deep Megatron-like catch in the end zone to give his side the lead with just two plays to go. It gave BTDT QB Kevin Marion too little time to answer back one last time, sealing the deal 39-32 in Fuzzy-Kittens’ favor. 

And just like that, I look a bit less like an idiot for predicting them to win the 5B championship.

 

January Has Come and Gone

February is proving a difficult month for Jaguars QB Jimmy-Lee Janvier.  Facing I Rep That West on the third of the month, Janvier struggled to get anything going offensively, as he tossed three picks – including one returned to the house – and found the end zone an equal number of times against an I Rep That West defense that gave up a whopping 49 points to Flying Weasels just a week prior.

It all ruined an otherwise impressive showing from the Jaguars D, which made it difficult for I Rep That West QB Nicolas Schaefer to push the ball downfield for a good part of the night. Unfortunately for them, that defensive showing simply wasn’t enough, as Jaguars lose 25-18 to fall to 2-2 on the season – a swift fall for a team whose imposing size and athleticism helped lead them to a quick 2-0 start to the season.

On the other side, solid back to back performances against two strong teams has I Rep That West as perhaps one of the most dangerous .500 teams in all of 5B.

 

Junkyard Dogs Win Backyard Brawl  

Yavar Ashrafi didn’t play, but that wasn’t a problem at all for the Junkyard Dogs offense. Neither was the fact that they showed up late and spotted Siths a 6-0 lead to start the game.

When the Dogs eventually showed up, they showed up big, clawing their way to an 18-14 halftime lead behind a red hot Jason Rossie, who was hitting guys left and right with ease.

Everything fell completely apart for Siths in the second half, hampered by mental mistakes and, quite simply, an inability to keep up with the speed and precision of the Junkyard offense led by Joseph Sifakis and Bruno Lajoie, who toasted the Siths D en route to a 40-31 Junkyard win.   

At this point, it seems the only thing that might slow down Junkyard Dogs is themselves. Things got a bit out of hand nearing the end of the game, with some bonehead penalties leading to URs, ejections, and a load of free yardage for Siths. Hopefully that was a one-time thing for them, because there’s nothing worse than that kind of stuff costing you games, especially when it comes in the playoffs (see: Bengals vs. Steelers, 2016 postseason).

 

Recaps: 5A

Sphinx use Voodoo on Voo-Zoo  

Honestly, how does a team get shutout in the first half and end up winning the game? Especially considering how dominant their opponent was to start said game. Voo-Zoo QB Pat Lefebvre was on point for much of the game’s first few drives, as dropped passes led to missed opportunities in the red zone including one pick off a ball that should’ve been caught. The Voo-Zoo’s defense was in complete sync in the first half, forcing three and out after three and out.

Come the second half, it was much of the same for the Voo-Zoo offense – but entirely different for Sphinx’s own attack. QB Julien Laporte found his rhythm quickly as Sphinx scored on back-to-back drives to make it 14-12 early in the second half. Voo-Zoo answered to make it 18-14 and seemingly poised for victory – only for Laporte to connect on a deep ball to recapture the lead for Sphinx 21-18 with just two plays to go. Two failed Hail Marys later and the game was over.

Credit goes to Sphinx for not giving up; but considering the number of critical drops on the Voo-Zoo side, it’s hard not to look at this game and think it was one Voo-Zoo lost rather than one Sphinx won.  

 

Power Rankings: 5B

1. Les Guerriers de L’espace (3-1): So let’s see here, no Alex Rivet, Antoine Baril steps in at QB (meaning one less stud receiver to catch the ball) and yet they still somehow pull out the W with ease. Remind me how they lost to Ghosts again?

2. Junkyard Dogs (4-0): Virtually the exact same roster goes from 0-4 start in Spring 2015 to 4-0 today. Whatever changed between then and now, I think it’s working. 

3. Flying Weasels (4-0): Most players get worse with age. Meanwhile, guys like Jonathan Lemieux seem only to be getting better.

4. Takeover (4-0): Ian Einheiber is playing like a man possessed. Unless one of his remaining opponents is well-versed in the practice of exorcisms, I don’t see him slowing down anytime soon.

5. Small Giants (3-1): One loss is no reason to start sounding the alarm, but to go from 40+ points three weeks in a row to 18 over the weekend is a pretty steep drop-off.

6. Sunshine Island (4-0): The weeks keep changing, and Sunshine Island keep winning.  

7. Jaguars (2-2): Just two weeks ago these guys looked set to dominate 5B. Now? Not so much. I’m going to chalk it up to playing down to their competition. They know they’re better than this.

8. St. Lunatics (3-1): A bend but don’t break defense may not leave you with the best stats defensively, but it gets the job done. 

9. Les Pitriotes (3-1): The silver lining of their first loss of the season – Les Pitriotes know Eli Saleh can make plays with his arm, too.

10. Ghosts (2-2): 7 PDs, one INT, and 80 total yards of offense allowed is a defensive showing that will be matched by few other teams this season. The only question is, was it a fluke, or is the Ghost defense actually starting to hit its stride?

 

Power Rankings: 5A

1. Obamacare (4-0): Making a team your bitch like that in the Game of the Week is one way to grab a division’s attention.

2. Tomahawk Nightmare (3-0-1): Tomahawk have announced a name change for Week 5 onwards: Division 5A’s Nightmare. 

3. X-Men (4-0): Time to give X-Men the credit they deserve. These boys are good.

4. Watch Me Whip (3-1): Sometimes, one-point losses to contenders happen. It doesn’t mean you yourself are not a contender though. 

5. Sphinx (3-1): I’m not sure whether I’m more concerned by the fact they put up a goose egg in the first half, or impressed by the fact they came back to win the game anyway.

6. Dope Boys (3-1): Robbi Dejean is a big-time playmaker, but if you only manage to get Ridwan Abdur the ball just twice for 12 yards, chances are you’re not going to win.

7. Les Verges Folles (2-0-2): This offense finally playing up to its potential sets up an epic battle vs. Obamacare this week. 

8. Sticky Hands (3-1): they scored no points, and I have no words.

9. Top Sauce (2-2): They’re the team to beat one week, and the team who gets beat the next. Will they ever turn the corner for good?

10. Blackshirts (2-2): I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt because Emilio Pampena didn’t play, although that still doesn’t pardon the defense (that wasn’t even planned, I swear) for getting lit up like that.

 

FPF Fantasy Showdown: 5B 

Last week… 

QB: Ian Einheiber (Takeover): 197 yards passing, 6 TDs, 0 INTs, 1 sack = 36 points. Christopher Pendenza (DG Goons): 71 yards passing, 2 TDs, 0 INTs, 31 yards rushing = 19 points.

WR: Mendy Cardichon (GLC): 3 catches for 34 yards = 6 points. Emmanuel Sarikakis (Small Giants): 1 catch for 12 yards and 1 TD = 7 points.

D: Rednecks: 8 tackles, 1 INT, 5 PDs, 0 points allowed = 17 points. Blue Devils: 10 tackles, 3 INTs, 1 PD, 24 points allowed = 18.

One more catch by Cardichon and one more pick by the Rednecks would make me a perfect 3-0 this week. Instead, I go 1-2 in 5B for the week and drop to 5-7 on the season.

 

This week:

QB: Jimmy-Lee Janvier (Jaguars) vs. Eli Saleh (Pitriotes): I’m really just using this as an excuse to spotlight this game. There are numerous matchups to keep an eye on in this one, and perhaps none greater than rusher Darryl Dorcely and his 8 sacks going up against the elusive Eli Saleh. Dorcely has proven his abilities as a rusher, but I don’t think he’s yet faced a QB quite as quick as Saleh. If Saleh is able to do as he pleases both rushing and passing, this showdown should be his for the taking.

WR: Christophe Vezina (I Rep That West) vs. Alessandro Arciero (Takeover): putting aside last week’s one-catch game, Vezina has largely been the go-to receiver for Nicolas Schaefer this season, and there’s no reason that should change this week. On the other hand, Takeover’s Alessandro Arciero has simply been a redzone machine, having already hit his touchdown mark from last year (7) just four games into this season. Coupled with the elite play of QB Ian Einheiber up to now, Arciero figures to surpass that mark and a whole lot more this week.  

D: Les Huards vs. Bruins: in the battle of worst offense versus fourth-worst in terms of points for this season, you would think one of these two defenses figures to rack up some big stats. With the Huards still having yet to figure out their QB situation since Nic Belleau stepped down, my money’s on the Bruins.

 

FPF Fantasy Showdown: 5A

Last week… 

QB: Eric Lalonde (Dope Boys): 207 yards passing, 4 TDs, 3 INTs, 5 yards rushing = 27 points. Corey Walwaski (Gators): 193 yards passing, 5 TDs, 1 INT = 32 points.

WR: Suhael Brohi (X-Men): 4 catches for 31 yards = 6 points. Jonathan Brown (Top Sauce): 2 catches for 24 yards = 4 points.

D: Les Albatros: 15 tackles, 1 sack, 1 INT, 2 PDs, 20 points allowed = 19 points. Flagrant Fouls: 9 tackles, 2 INTs, 3 PDs, 6 points allowed = 20 points.

I only picked the WR showdown correctly this week, putting me at 1-2 for the week and 7-5 on the season.

 

This week:

QB: Jordan Bellemare (Watch Me Whip) vs. Brad Evans (Pardon My Swag): One is coming off his worst performance yet this season; the other is coming off his best. I think both were flukes. I’m expecting a big game from Bellemare against a so-so PMS defense, and a slide back to reality for Evans versus an opportunistic WMW D.  

WR: Olivier Savage (Tomahawk Nightmare) vs. Ridwan Abdur (Dope Boys): Two guys on pace to set career highs this season, and who both should be in the conversation for receiver of the season come Week 10. I think Ridwan is the better athlete head-to-head, but he figures to have a tough time finding the endzone against Tomahawk’s ferocious defense.

D: Voo-Zoo vs. Team Rocket: Voo-Zoo’s defense is coming off one of its best performances of the season, and it’s no coincidence that it happens to be the first game Kevin Marcil played for them this season. If Marcil is back for a second week in a row, it could be a long day for QB Danny Aylward.  

 

Random Thoughts

• BMS Goats QB Joey Fiorillo has been suspended for the next two weeks. Something tells me that won’t matter much with games versus the winless Albatros and 1-3 Hot Boys Hotline coming up next.

• I never thought I’d see the day that a team captained by GM Kolethras would forfeit a game due to busting the cap.

• Life as a Falcons fan: celebrating the fact that your team and the Super Bowl champs were the only two teams to beat the Carolina Panthers this year. It’s about the little things in life.

• Week 4 in 5A will go down as the week of the defense: five teams were held to a lone offensive touchdown, one team’s only score was a pick six, and another was held out of the endzone altogether. Defense wins championships, but it can win you games, too.

• I chuckled when I read that GM predicted prior to Week 1 that X-Men to win the 5A championship. I’m not laughing anymore.

• Quick reminder to all, especially given all the new teams in the division: this week is the last week you can add a new player and have him be eligible for the playoffs (a player must have 6 games played to be eligible). So if you’re thinking of making a last minute addition or two, this is that last minute you have to do it! 

• Special thanks to Peeze for pointing out that I accounted for all of the points scored by both sides in SnC’s game versus Space Pirates.

• I have to take a second to rave about the Guerriers de L’espace’s defense. Their offense rightfully has gotten a lot of praise so far, but there’s an argument to be made that their secondary is hotter – 18 INTs, 11 PDs, and 2 Pick 6s through just four games is mind-boggling.

• Of course, a week after giving Pat Riot props for his solid start to the season, he goes and tosses up a dud (10 for 26, 58 yards, 0 TDs, 1 INT). I swear I didn’t jinx you on purpose, man.

• I was originally bummed out that I couldn’t be on the podcasts this season. That was before seeing the stuff the table of terror is making the guys do.

 

Predictions: 5B

A 10-2 week in 5B and a 5-6 week in 5A (I like to think that Belleau calculated my predictions, saw I had a losing record in 5A and told himself that simply wasn’t possible given my predictions dominance and put me at 7-4 instead) brings me to 57-35 on the season. Belleau, meanwhile, went 6-6 in 5A and 6-5 in 5B to bring his own total to 52-40 on the season. This race looks to be all mine for the taking, and we’re not even halfway through the season. 

 

Blue Devils vs. GENIE

Weapon X vs. Sunshine Island 

Flying Weasels vs. Ghosts

Les Guerriers de L’espace vs. Small Giants 

Les Huards vs. Bruins

DG Goons vs. Creamsicles

Fuzzy-Kittens vs. Green Lantern Corps 

Siths vs. St. Lunatics

Been There Done That vs. Rednecks 

I Rep That West vs. Takeover

Jaguars vs. Les Pitriotes

Junkyard Dogs vs. The PACK  

  

Predictions: 5A  

Gators vs. Top Sauce

Blackshirts vs. X-Men 

Trapstars vs. Sticky Hands

Flagrant Fouls vs. Fat And The Furious

Watch Me Whip vs. Pardon My Swag

Les Albatros vs. BMS Goats

Les Verges Folles vs. Obamacare

Voo-Zoo vs. Team Rocket

Space Pirates vs. Woofpack

Sphinx vs. Get On Deck

Tomahawk Nightmare vs. Dope Boys

Supply and Command vs. Hot Boys Hotline (N/A)

 

***

Week 5 is now just around the corner, and that means we’re just a week away from my midseason breakdown of all 48 teams in the division. I’m going to go do some finger exercises to prepare for all the typing I’ll be doing next week. In the meantime, unless you’ve been living under a rock since Week 1, you know we have a weekly Division 5 podcast. Check out the latest one here.