Week 3 Recap: Wanted: Parity    

Divergence. It’s the big buzzword surrounding the global economy of late, and also the noun form of the title of a pretty forgettable movie. It’s also a word that applies all to well to Division 5 at the moment.

That’s not a good thing.  

As it stands, 12 teams in Division 5, six in 5A and 5B apiece, are winless after three weeks. That’s an entire 25% of the Division still with a big fat zero in the win column – the biggest percentage of winless teams among all of FPF’s divisions thus far. Meanwhile, another 13 teams in Div 5 (27% of the division) have yet to be dealt a single loss – the biggest percentage of undefeated teams among all of FPF’s divisions thus far.

That’s a lot of teams headed in entirely opposite directions, and most of them don’t look to deviate from their path anytime soon, be it up or down. As early as it is in the season, it seems increasingly the case with each passing week that we may see not just the usual one 10-0 team and one 0-10 team by season’s end, but a good deal of both.

And that’s despite the gap in team caps being narrowed via splitting the division into two tiers.   

As a competitive football enthusiast, a fan of frantic finishes to decide playoff spots, and a member of one of those winless teams, here’s to hoping all of that changes starting this week.

 

Recap: 5A

Sticky Hands, Stingy Defense 

With stud receiver Nicolas Saro out due to injury for the next month or so, the big question surrounding Sticky Hands was how they would manage without him. So far, their answer is: just fine, thank you.

Now, “just fine” isn’t exactly how this one started off for Sticky Hands. Fat And the Furious were the ones to get the ball rolling with some deep throws to receivers Christopher Williams and Shaquille D’Aguair to take a 19-18 lead at the half. But then Sticky Hands turned the lights off on them.

QB Alexis Labonté was able to do just enough offensively to keep Sticky in the game, attempting just 12 passes on the night, while his defense took care of the rest. Three goal line stops, one of them returned for a pick six, kept FnF out of the end zone for the entire second half as Sticky cruised to a 30-19 win.

As big as the defense stepped up on Saturday, Sticky Hands will need to make a lot more plays offensively as they get set to take on offensive juggernauts in Obamacare and Dope Boys in the next three weeks. Labonté doesn’t strike me as the worried type.

 

Now Watch Them Whip, Now Watch Them Totally Destroy Semi-Finalists from a Season Ago

A year ago, Gators were one touchdown away from playing in the Division 5 final following an 8-2 regular season finish. Three weeks into this season, they’re already guaranteed a worse regular season record, and look anything but playoff ready following a beatdown by the hands of Jordan Bellemare’s high-flying Watch Me Whip squad.

A sack aside, Bellemare had little trouble avoiding rusher Matthew Horobec to buy himself time to find his receivers downfield. On the other side of the ball, Gators QB Corey Walwaski was simply unable to connect on the deep ball the way he had hoped, with one of them finding the hands of Danny D’Amour and another snatched out of the air by Michael Timmis, who made some big-time pass break ups early on. 

The result was a Gators offense forced to try and slowly march its way downfield with Walwaski turning to his security blanket Eddy Martinez often. But by the time Gators got anything going offensively it was already too late. Final score: 37-21.  

With upcoming matchups against such elite teams like Dope Boys, Top Sauce, Obamacare, Tomahawk Nightmare and Les Verges Folles, all signs pointed to Gators facing an uphill battle making it back to the playoffs than last year. Now at 0-3, that hill just got a whole lot steeper.   

 

Recap: 5B

Creamsicles Channel Their Inner 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

And no, I’m not referring to their orange cream jerseys.

Creamsicles’ matchup vs. St. Lunatics started off terribly, with QB Anthony Pitoscia tossing a pick on the very first drive of the game to Dylan Drake, who weaved his way untouched into the end zone.

A pick six the other way, along with a 40-bomb to Jordan Allard, helped Creamsicles get back on top 18-13 with the ball and three plays to go before the half. But that’s when everything began to fall apart. A big sack by Domenic Benevento on Allard forced a Creamsicles punt with just one play before halftime – which Lunatics QB Michael Sanchez used to toss a Hail Mary to Benevento on a beautiful toe-tap catch for the go-ahead touchdown.  

Lunatics went on to score on the first drive of the second half and never looked back, with the Creamsicles offense struggling to get anything going after that.

What makes the final score of 38-24 sting even more for Creamsicles is the fact the biggest reason for the loss was mental miscues. A false start, nobody making an effort to touch Drake on his INT return after his flag fell down prior to his making the pick, and a dropped pass on a long bomb were just a few of the unforced errors that killed Creamsicles’ hopes in this one.

 

GÉNIE QB Makes Not-So-Genius Decisions  

Not-so-genius decision no. 1: trying the deep ball on Mendy Cardichon’s side. Not-so-genius no. 2: trying it again. No. 3: trying it a third time. Guess what no. 4 is?

That’s right, QB Vincen Guillette was picked off a total of four times by GLC’s ball hawking safety this past weekend, and paid dearly for it in the form of a 26-7 loss. 

Helping make those poor decisions happen was GLC rusher Emile Piché, who had Guillette’s number all night long and came up with three huge sacks. Piché the QB was just as efficient, marching his offense down the field with quick throws to all his receivers and using his legs as needed.

It all made for a 20-7 lead heading into the game’s final moments. GLC snapper Max Kevin Jocelyn capped it all off by doing his best Junior Luke impression and out-jumping two defenders from six yards out to close out the game’s scoring. It was poetry in motion. 

On the other side, it’s back to the drawing board for Génie, who desperately need to improve an offense that has averaged just two TDs per game so far.

 

Power Rankings: 5A

1. Obamacare (3-0): Kyle McGuigan would like to let us know that this team is more than a two-headed beast.

 

2. Watch Me Whip (3-0): The fact Jordan Bellemare has already thrown a TD to five different receivers makes this team that much more dangerous.

 

3. Dope Boys (3-0): Terry Tam becomes the latest victim of a very underrated Dope Boys defense.

 

4. Tomahawk Nightmare (2-0-1): As long as the Marquis-to-Savage combo is working as well as it has, this team has little to worry about.

 

5. Sphinx (2-1): I’ll give the Sphinx offense a pass this week given they had to go with a back-up QB, but fewer than 17 points per game won’t be much help when it’s time to face explosive offenses.

 

6. Sticky Hands (3-0): Two pick-6s certainly help pick up the slack when your top receiver is out.

 

7. Top Sauce (2-1): You just don’t lose games when you force six INTs. 

 

8. X-Men (3-0): Keeping the opponent’s top receiver out of the end zone: check. Getting your own top receiver into the end zone: check. Playing a mostly mistake-free game on both sides of the ball: check. Win: check.

 

9. Blackshirts (2-1): An offense that can score from any point on the field paired with a defense that steps up in the red zone is a combination that usually takes you to the playoffs. 

 

10. Les Verges Folles (1-0-2): So it looks like LVF just decided to wait a few weeks before playing up to their potential. Good for them, bad for you.  

 

 

Power Rankings: 5B

1. Les Guerriers de l’Espace (2-1): First it was my Fuzzy-Kittens, then Ghosts, and now Jaguars. Will Les Guerriers de l’Espace be the next team to be ranked no. 1 in my 5B Power Rankings only to lose the next week?

 

2. Small Giants (3-0): 40+ points in three straight games to start the season is simply insane in Div 5.

 

3. Junkyard Dogs (3-0): No one said a win had to be pretty, especially not when it comes against my top-ranked team of the week. 

 

4. Flying Weasels (3-0): Flying Weasels’ offense has improved every single week this season under the insane play of Jonathan Lemieux. It makes you wonder why they ever went away from him at the position in the first place.   

 

5. Jaguars (2-1): Sorry for jinxing you guys with the picture and caption and all that. 

 

6. Sunshine Island (3-0): Another big day rushing from Matthew Cinquino, another big win. I should take notes.
   
     
7. Takeover (3-0): I had doubts Takeover were for real given who their first two wins came against. Those doubts still remain with their win against Ghosts coming against a back-up QB rather than Gab Wiseman. But I have to give them credit for taking care of business nonetheless. 

 

8. Les Pitriotes (3-0): The Pitriotes offense has improved every week since the start of the season. But how will they fare against their first real test of the season in Flying Weasels this week?

 

9. DG Goons (2-1): Ah, there’s the DG Goons defense that was missing last week.

 

10. St. Lunatics (2-1): I’m not quite sure what St. Lunatics were waiting to unleash their offense. I feel for their upcoming opponents now that they’ve done so.

  

FPF Fantasy Showdown: 5A

Last Week…

QB:  Gautama Swaminadhan: 148 passing yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs, 1 sack = 25 points; Tom Gatehouse: 162 passing yards, 2 TDs, 2 INTs = 18 points

WR: Eddy Martinez: 99 receiving yards, 1 touchdown = 24 points; James Nowakowski: 49 receiving yards, 1 touchdown = 14 points

Defense: Pardon My Swag: 21 tackles, 3 PDs, 39 points allowed = 12 points; Top Sauce: 10 tackles, 1 sack, 6 INTs, 1 PD, 13 points allowed = 43 points

With my only wrong prediction being in the defense category, I finish 2-1 in 5A fantasy showdown picks this week, putting me at 6-3 on the season in 5A. Here are my picks for this week:

QB: Corey Walwaski (Gators) vs. Éric Lalonde (Dope Boys): You usually wouldn’t expect much from an 0-3 team taking on a 3-0 team, but then again those kinds of matchups sometimes lead to the best battles, don’t they? I’m expecting more than a few long bombs on both sides in this game, but I think Lalonde will connect on a few more than Walwaski in this one.

WR: Jonathan Brown (Top Sauce) vs. Suhael Brohi (X-Men): For me, this matchup comes down simply to the fact that Top Sauce safety Vince Nardone can’t cover everyone. Priority no. 1 will probably be to cover Kevin Boustany deep, which should leave ample opportunity for Suhael to make plays on the other side of the field. 

D: Les Albatros vs. Flagrant Fouls: It’s easy to overlook the Alabtros defense given their 0-3 record, but take a closer look and you’ll see a defense that has already racked up nearly 50 tackles, intercepted five passes, notched two sacks, and batted away 11 passes, all while taking two picks to the house. Versus a QB in Ross Olshansky that has already been intercepted seven times this season, you can be sure that the Albatros D is licking its chops.

 

FPF Fantasy Showdown: 5B 

Last Week:

QB: Michael Sanchez: 182 passing yards, 5 TDs, 1 INT = 31 points; Anthony Pitoscia: 95 passing yards, 3 TDs, 1 INT = 16 points

WR: Philippe Tremblay’s absence from this past week’s game means Antoine Baril wins automatically with his 3 catches for 78 yards and 2 TDs   

Defense: Blue Devils: 9 tackles, 1 sack, 2 INTs, 2 PDs, 33 points allowed = 16 points; Fuzzy-Kittens: 15 tackles, 4 sacks, 1 PD, 44 points allowed = 15 points

It all makes for a 2-1 record for me this week, with my only wrong choice being in the QB section. That brings me to 4-5 in 5B on the year. Here are my picks for this week:

QB: Christopher Pendenza (DG Goons) vs. Ian Einheiber (Takeover): Pendenza was finally able to get going on offense last week, while Einheiber is playing his best FPF ball ever at QB. It should make for a great offensive duel this Sunday.

WR: Mendy Cardichon (Green Lantern Corps) vs. Emmanuel Sarikakis (Small Giants): Emmanuel Sarikakis has had his way for three weeks straight this season, notching 12 catches for over 180 yards and 3 TDs already. But he hasn’t faced a DB quite like Cardichon yet. All to say, I think Cardichon the DB keeps Sarikakis in check over the weekend; I’m not sure Small Giants have anyone that will be able to do the same against Cardichon the receiver.  

Defense: Rednecks vs. Blue Devils: A week after Blue Devils gave me the win in this category, I’m picking against them here for the simple reason that Rednecks have been the definition of shutdown defense thus far, allowing the fewest points against in 5B through three games (44). That, plus a secondary that swarms to the ball and the division’s second-leading rusher, should make this pick a lock. 

 

Random Thoughts 

-Whoever it is on Les Huards who’s got a cough that sounds like a case of bronchitis on crack. You should probably get that checked out.

-Speaking of Les Huards, 70-0 surely must be the most lopsided result in FPF history, and is likely to be a record that stands for a very long time. Having scorekept the game, a part of me feels kinda cool for being linked to FPF history. Another part of me fears the Guerriers will be charged with the murder of the Huards’ dignity and that I’ll be called up as a witness any day now.      

-Staying with Les Huards, Nicolas Belleau has already stated this past week was his last as starting QB. One less thing I can trash talk him about now. What a shame.  

-NFL-style cadences just sound…weird in FPF. But to each their own I guess.

-I saw the new punt rule used three times in four games on Saturday night alone. Immediate defensive stops ensued following two of them. The D1 guys may scoff at the idea of punting from inside the opponent’s 25-yard line (or punting at all), but it can definitely put some serious pressure on offenses in the lower divisions.   

-Last week, Mat Domon took a pass down the sideline for 40 yards after an easy missed tackle. This week, he was Johnny on the Spot when a ball tipped three times in the air landed in his hands as he walked in untouched for a 30+ yard touchdown. I wonder what fluke play he’ll score on this week…  

-The top 8 teams from each conference in both 5A and 5B will qualify for the playoffs, regardless of subdivision. That means that if the playoffs were to begin tomorrow, in Conference A in 5A, the 8th and final seed would be the 0-3 Hot Boys Hotline by virtue of their 72 points against, lowest among the 5 winless teams in the conference currently vying for that 8th spot. All 5 have at least one winless opponent remaining on their schedule, so we shouldn’t see any winless teams making the playoffs unless everyone starts tying everyone. But an 8th seed with a 2-8 or 3-7 record? Very possible.

-Team Rocket have started a different quarterback in each of their first three games of the season. This whole multiple-QB system thing feels like it’s becoming a league-wide theme his year. 

-Completely useless observation of the week: the “away” team won every single matchup in 5A this past week.

-Only in Division 5 could a QB attempt more runs (6) than passes completed (5) and still win a game. But a W is a W, isn’t it, Junkyard Dogs?

-Quick shout-out to Pat Riot. The perception in the eyes of some (I’m man enough to admit I’m among them) is that Riot has experienced a decline in his QBing abilities (notably going from a 40 TD, 7 INT-season in Spring 2012 to tossing 27 TDs and 26 INTs in Spring 2014) and that his best days are behind him. But while we’re out here hating, Riot is quietly on pace for his best statistical season in FPF. He’s currently third in 5B in touchdown passes (15) while being intercepted only once. Keep doing your thing, Pat.

-Surprise of the week: Seeing that the Eagle at Master Control has a UR to his name on the season. I didn’t think he had it in him to be rough on the football field, let alone unnecessarily so. 

 

Predictions: 5A

Another 7-4 and 7-5 week in 5A and 5B, respectively, this week brings me to 42-27 on the season. That keeps me slightly ahead of Nicolas Belleau, who jumps to 40-29 after a solid week (10-2 in 5A, 7-4 in 5B). But that was a fluke on his part; he’s got nothing on my picks this week.

Blackshirts vs. Pardon My Swag

Top Sauce vs. X-Men

Fat And The Furious vs. BMS Goats

Trapstars vs. Team Rocket

Obamacare vs. Sticky Hands

Les Albatros vs. Flagrant Fouls

Space Pirates vs. Supply and Command (N/A)

Woofpack vs. Hot Boys Hotline

Les Verges Folles vs. Get On Deck

Sphinx vs. Voo-Zoo

Gators vs. Dope Boys

Tomahawk Nightmare vs. Watch Me Whip

 

Predictions: 5B

Sunshine Island vs. Bruins

The Pack vs. St. Lunatics 

Green Lantern Corps vs. Small Giants  

Weapon X vs. Les Huards

Ghosts vs. Creamsicles 

Les Guerriers de L’espace vs. Génie

Junkyard Dogs vs. Siths

Flying Weasels vs. Les Pitriotes 

Rednecks vs. Blue Devils

Fuzzy-Kittens vs. Been There Done That  

DG Goons vs. Takeover

Jaguars vs. I Rep That West

 

***

Don’t forget, this is the last week we’ll play before going on a de-facto bye week due to the Super Bowl taking place next weekend. More importantly than mistakenly showing up to the fields next Saturday night or something, is the fact that Division 5 has a pretty cool podcast that you can watch live every Thursday night from 8:45 to 9:30 pm at youtube.com/flagplus. See you at the fields!