We Goin’ Sizzler – Week 6
Frank Teoli
06-08-2021 04:05 AM
We are in week 6 of Division D! Every team has played at least half their games, giving us the perfect opportunity to do a mid-season review. Before we get to that, this week saw some teams bounce back while others fell deeper into obscurity. As always, we still start by looking at some individual stand out performances.
Let’s get to the sizzle!
We begin with the Johnny Utah: Experience takes it this week as MATHIEU DOMON had a great performance going 18 for 25 for 175 yards and 5 TDs as KISS MY END ZONE surprised HOT SAUCE SPORTS 34 – 27. MATHIEU was able to spread the ball around, hitting seven different receivers. More importantly, he had zero INTs which is always a good recipe for success. The win puts KISS MY END ZONE in 7th spot.
Next, Rod Tidwell: DONNDRE BORDEN had 6 catches on 7 targets for 69 yards which is decent but he added a jaw dropping 4 TDs as FIGHTING ILLINI defeated PD’S AND NEGRONIS 39 – 27. FIGHTING ILLINI continue their winning ways and move up into 6th spot.
The Earl Megget goes to ÉDOUARD LEROUX. ÉDOUARD ran 7 times for 90 yards. The running QBs in this division continue to blow it up week after week but ÉDOUARD is near the top. He is 2nd in rushing yards and 1st in rushing TDs. JOHNNY FIREBALL came out with the easy 42 – 18 win over LOCKDOWN and sit comfortably in 2nd spot.
On defense, the Stefan Djordjevic goes to DAVID PERRAULT who had 3 INTs this week returning one of them for a pick 6. In a game between bottom dwellers, DAVID’s performance made the difference as MEAN GIRLS bullied REPLACEMENTS 32 – 6. The win is a step in the right direction for MEAN GIRLS but only time will tell if they will escape the basement.
This week’s Bobby Boucher: LUCA DE GAETANI had 7 SKs. Seven, are you kiddin’ me?! Wow. LUCA has been consistent this season, recording at least one sack in five straight games, but this performance leapfrogs him into sack leader. You have a big sack Luca. The performance helped TUTS AND PARLAYS get the easy 27 – 7 win over LOS SIETE AMIGOS. I called this upset, I got you DANIEL.
Lastly, the Becky ‘Icebox’ O’Shea for best 2-way performance goes to JORDAN MCINNIS who had 6 catches on 7 targets for 61 yards and 1 TD. He also added 2 INTs on defense. In the other upset that I called, sorry but after 14 years of marriage, I have to toot my own horn. I’m not sure I fully understand that expression. Anyways, PARDON MY SWAG handed THE NEW GUYS their first loss 25 – 19.
This leads nicely into last week’s predictions, my pick for Game of the Week did not disappoint. Don’t worry, I won’t toot my own horn twice in one day, ah high school memories. PARDON MY SWAG took an early 19 to 13 lead at halftime and matched THE NEW GUYS in the second half to come out with the win. BRAD EVANS (4TDs) outperformed JUSTIN PERESS (3TDs, 3INTs) in this battle of QBs.
This week I binge-watched Netflix’s ‘Too Hot to Handle’, thank you Francesca. I got to thinking why don’t they make a show for 40-year old’s like me? Call it, ‘Too Old to Care’. Seriously though, marriage is great, I always tell this to young people… so they can be as miserable as the rest of us.
MID SEASON REVIEW
Conference A
| Team | Record | Offense | Defense | Overall | Prediction |
| BRUINS | 5-0-0 | A+ | A+ | A+ | 1 |
| JOHNNY FIREBALL | 5-1-0 | A | A+ | A | 2 |
| VULTURES | 5-1-0 | A | C+ | B | 4 |
| GLOGANG | 3-2-0 | C+ | A+ | B+ | 3 |
| TRAPSTARS | 3-2-0 | A | C+ | B | 6 |
| HOT SAUCE SPORTS | 3-2-0 | A | C- | B | 5 |
| KISS MY END ZONE | 2-2-1 | C+ | B- | B- | 7 |
| TOUGH LUNGS | 2-2-1 | B+ | C | B- | 10 |
| SPERA’S LEGION | 2-2-1 | B | C | B- | 9 |
| THE STOICS | 2-3-0 | B- | C+ | B- | 8 |
| LOCKDOWN | 1-3-1 | B- | D | C | 12 |
| MEAN GIRLS | 1-4-0 | B- | C | C+ | 11 |
| BALLIN 60’S | 0-5-0 | D+ | D | D+ | 14 |
| REPLACEMENTS | 0-5-0 | C | D- | D+ | 13 |
Conference B
| Team | Record | Offense | Defense | Overall | Prediction |
| BLACKOUTS | 5-1-0 | A+ | A | A | 1 |
| AROUCH | 4-1-0 | A+ | A | A | 2 |
| THE NEW GUYS | 4-1-0 | A | B | A- | 4 |
| PARDON MY SWAG | 4-1-0 | A+ | B- | A- | 3 |
| LOS SIETE AMIGOS | 4-1-0 | B+ | C | B- | 9 |
| FIGHTING ILLINI | 3-2-0 | B- | B+ | B | 8 |
| TUTS AND PARLAYS | 3-2-0 | B- | B+ | B | 7 |
| TOPSZN | 3-2-0 | B+ | B | B+ | 6 |
| VOODOO | 3-3-0 | A+ | C+ | B+ | 5 |
| THE LEFTOVERS | 2-4-0 | D | C | C+ | 11 |
| LES BLUES BRANLEURS | 1-4-0 | B | C | B- | 10 |
| CLINKERS | 1-4-0 | D- | C- | D+ | 12 |
| LOYOLA | 0-5-0 | F | F | F | 14 |
| PD’S AND NEGRONIS | 0-6-0 | C+ | D- | C+ | 13 |
Now, for Teoli’s FPF Almanac 2021.
MEAN GIRLS (1-4-0) vs KISS MY END ZONE (2-2-1)
MEAN GIRLS came up with a win last week and look to be on their way out of the basement but KISS MY END ZONE is just too good defensively. Count on TRISTAN HETU-FRANKEL to struggle to find open windows against a stingy defense and for JEREMY WHITE to do enough to secure the win for KISS MY END ZONE.
AROUCH (4-1-0) vs BLACKOUTS (5-1-0)
AROUCH keep winning, making it four in a row now. They seem to improve week after week and if this match up was later in the season, they might have had a shot. BLACKOUTS are a little better offensively, a little better defensively, and a little deeper in their roster. Look for ALEXANDRE DELISLE to step up big defensively.
PD’S AND NEGRONIS (0-6-0) vs LOYOLA (0-5-0)
Who the hell cares?!
LES BLUES BRANLEURS (1-4-0) vs TOPSZN (3-2-0)
TOPSZN have their first winning streak of the season and have finally found some consistency, WILL SEBAG and BRANDON PARENT have put up two great games. LES BLUES BRANLEURS have also been consistent, consistently losing to decent teams. They have always been close but lack the defensive game to come out with the win.
GLOGANG (3-2-0) vs REPLACEMENTS (0-5-0)
GLOGANG win big!
TOUGH LUNGS (2-2-1) vs BALLIN 60’S (0-5-0)
TOUGH LUNGS win big!
BRUINS (5-0-0) vs SPERA’S LEGION (2-2-1)
BRUINS are a great all-around team and they are the only undefeated team left in the division. However, their last game was less than impressive; for the first time this season they were unable to record an INT. For a team that usually has 3 or 4 per game, this is worrisome. If VINCE PISANO can avoid throwing INTs, SPERA’S LEGION have a chance. BRUINS win a close one.
LOCKDOWN (1-3-1) vs THE STOICS (2-3-0)
LOCKDOWN need to address their defensive woes if they want to win this one. Their only defensive presence is ALEXANDRE BLAIS with 3 INTs, they will need to find a way to get to the QB. THE STOICS are hot and cold this season but they have never been blown out by an opponent. With a decent defensive coverage, give me THE STOICS to win a low scoring game.
VOODOO (3-3-0) vs THE NEW GUYS (4-1-0)
VOODOO do not have a flattering record but all their losses came at the hands of top teams. THE NEW GUYS are coming off their first loss and are looking to bounce back. Not sure why NIKKI PAPICH missed the last game but if he is back, look for the PAPICH-HORNER connection to return. VOODOO lose to another top team.
VULTURES (5-1-0) vs JOHNNY FIREBALL (5-1-0)
This game will be a show of explosive talent. JOHNNY FIREBALL can win games throwing, running, with interceptions or sacks. VULTURES are an offensive marvel but are susceptible defensively. Moreover, both QBs ÉDOUARD LEROUX and BENJAMIN MCMAHON are one and two in rushing yards. Don’t blink in this one, JOHNNY FIREBALL win.
TRAPSTARS (3-2-0) vs HOT SAUCE SPORTS (3-2-0)
Same record, evenly matched, tough game to call. Only difference I see here is that HOT SAUCE SPORTS have had a slightly more difficult schedule so far. Also, HOT SAUCE SPORTS have lost two in a row so I don’t see them making it three. You got this PEEZE, HOT SAUCE SPORTS win.
CLINKERS (1-4-0) vs FIGHTING ILLINI (3-2-0)
CLINKERS are an experienced team and should not be so low in the standings. For whatever reason, things are just not clicking for them offensively this season. FIGHTING ILLINI haven’t been great either offensively but they are solid defensively. Led by the likes of KEVIN SMUDA, FIGHTING ILLINI win.
PARDON MY SWAG (4-1-0) vs LOS SIETE AMIGOS (4-1-0)
Close on paper but PARDON MY SWAG are on a four-game winning streak and LOS SIETE AMIGOS are coming off a heavy loss. PARDON MY SWAG are better offensively, defensively, and have more experience. LOS SIETE AMIGOS lose and the Cinderella team begin to drop.
TUTS AND PARLAYS (3-2-0) vs THE LEFTOVERS (2-4-0)
THE LEFTOVERS have won two games, a week one fluke and week 6 vs worst team in the league. TUTS AND PARLAYS haven’t been lights out this season but I cannot envision them losing this game. They are just all around the better team in all facets of the game.
Looking forward to week 7, the game that seems most interesting is definitely VULTURES (5-1-0) vs JOHNNY FIREBALL (5-1-0) (3rd seed vs 2nd seed). You can catch the game August 8th 9pm at Laval (1).
Until next week, if I don’t get fired. Pain Heals. Chicks Dig Scars. Glory Lasts Forever.
Frank ‘Falco’ Teoli