Mornings are like a gift you never wanted nor expected. It is pleasant to receive a gift of any variety. However, when in the comforts of deep sleep and slumber it appears to be a true gift of freedom. As the morning rays pierce the once comfortable confines of darkness, we are often startled by the shifting of states. Moments gather to collect in their own passing as we collect our thoughts in kind. The waking world is no different from our worlds of reverie save for additional senses, the feeling of limitation and the fleeting touch of aspirations.

For this reason, among others, chiefly to remain civilised to those we despise, we require the ingestion of caffeine. Coffee allows us for contemplation of solitude and a life where we can only truly fend for ourselves while being accompanied by the welcoming sweet aroma and warm feeling of a morning beverage. For many who are of Italian dissent or for those who have similar tastes, a cappuccino is best served in this time frame.

Cappuccino are, not unlike bacon, in that its moment of true glory is the golden hour that exists shortly after waking and recognizing that one’s life has been sustained for at least one more rest. It is also unlike bacon in that it should not, under any circumstance be served after 11:00am in your local area. To serve it after said time is akin to feeding Gremlins after midnight or to ask a Colonel which spices are 1/11^th of a recipe. This warm and milk laden serving serves as the mystical conduit that keeps one from returning to a land of dreams and shadow-truths. Consumed later, naturally carries the risk of being caught somewhat in interdimensional peril. Such were the beliefs of my grandfather before his passing.

His secondary belief was that everyone should be able to operate a drill, a hammer and an air duster should one be trapped in confined, dust burdened spaces where one wished to either make a home or longed for escape. Remember when compiling a list of enemies to include dust, for we are all allergic to dust.

Have a nice bye week everyone!

-Paolo Della Rocca

Let’s get started!

Week 4

Every week is a different story in FPF and Week 4 was no different. In fact, we’ve witnessed our fair share of upsets (the way Top Sauce mishandled the end of the game against BearSkins for instance) and statement game (Brotherhood destroying Lightweight).

Jonesers continue to improve as they reach .500, OTF seized their first win of the season and Prestige World Wide’s defense continues to struggle, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Thoughts of the Week

This is my 2^nd D3 article. The most by any writer this season. Does that make me the official D3 writer? This scares me; midseason breakdown is coming.
With all these players using the sideline nets as a way to stop their fall, someone’s gotta get crushed by those metal poles at Lachine one day. The thinking that those nets are there for you guys is false; they are to stop footballs from crossing over, not for preventing players.
Maybe one day we’ll have one full week of FPF without any drama. But then again, this wouldn’t be as fun…
Check out this week’s podcast as Justin and yours truly will clown around for a good ol’ 30 minutes. Yes, you read that correctly, I will be replacing GM on the D3 podcast this week.
I realised I changed the format of my Picks of the week halfway through doing them; I refused to change it.
Forcing Peeze to write introductions for me was the best idea I’ve ever had.
How did Vince Nardone throw 7 Tds and 3 interceptions in the same night? How many possessions can one man get? I’m happy when I get 7. He had 10.
Last week’s article was more fun to write. Maybe it’s because I took more shots at players. Maybe I should take more shots… at players.
Don’t forget, it’s Super Bowl weekend. This means amazing food, great company and a weekend with no FPF; try to spend it with the people you’ve neglected for the past 4 weeks.
As much as I’d love to say I hate the Patriots, what they’ve built remains impressive.
Montreal needs more taco joints.

Recaps

The Heismans fell to Jonesers in a thriller 32-31. Nick Guarna continues to prove his value as a QB to his team as Gordon Stanway returns from suspension with 2 TD grabs and an interception on defense. Both Qbs found ways to move the chains with their feet and buying time in the pocket to chuck it down deep for big gains. Was it the prettiest of football? Probably not. Did it work? They both scored 5+, so yes. Dave Chitayat continues to be Ryan Lelinowski’s favorite target and his involvement offensively continues to propel Jonesers ahead of other teams. Now sitting at 2-2, Jonesers are in good shape to make a run at the playoffs.
Mario Porreca feeds the Meshesha brothers for big gains as OTF beats Les Buddays 31-12. In Leon Holder’s absence, Sean Kennedy gave QB a shot for the first time in his FPF career and it didn’t pan out really well. His addition to Les Buddays can only improve their roster, but it might be too little too late for a team that is now staring down the barrel sitting at 0-4. OTF who kept all of their game within reach finally managed to nudge a W this weekend and it must feel great. With a very tough back end of the schedule, they might regret those dropped passes earlier this season when Week 11 comes rolling in.
Coyotes manhandled Les Messieurs Chats on Sunday night in Lachine and it wasn’t pretty. Sammy Feder continues to improve as a QB and Sunday night’s presentation was a thing of beauty. Feeding his brother for a woopin’ 4 Tds and using his brand new weapon in Adam Rockman (who got himself a pretty nice TD, must I admit) to full potential, Coyotes’ offense seems unstoppable. On the flip side, it’s tough to say whether LMC’s offense is the issue or are they facing top-notch defenses. Either way, sitting at 0-4, they really need to reconsider their options; whether it’s a change to the playbook or a change to the roster, but things aren’t working the way as planned. There’s too much talent on LMC to just fall flat.
BearSkins showed poised on Sunday night against Top Sauce and it paid off in the dearest of ways. Last Winter, Vince Nardone was the one mocking me for throwing away a game in which “all I needed to do was not throw a pick-six”; I guess karma’s a real bitch huh. To be fair, he did put up 45 points (which is impressive) and BearSkins got the nudge with a whoopin’ 52. We can say whatever we want about the decisive throws, but at the end of the day, both Qbs threw for 7 Tds and that’s something to build on. Neither teams are in a bad spot; in fact, BearSkins are on the rise and there’s plenty of football left in the tanks.
6+R’s defense made Red Raiders look bad on Sunday night as they walked off with an impressive 34-12 victory. Fred Viens was his usual self distributing the goodies left and right (making others not-named Anthony Brisebois look good) before adding points on the board all by himself. Red Raiders looked outmatched one again and the absence of Serge Pilon Jr to this roster continues to haunt them as they fall to a 1-3 record. With a very difficult road ahead, Red Raiders will need to flip things around before they are forced to kiss their season goodbye.

Players of the Week

Fan’s favorite’s segment is back!

Rod Mashtoub (Laval’s Finest): 51 receiving yards, 2 Tds and 2 picks. He can literally do it all.
Marco Bertoldi (BearSkins): 141 receiving yards, 2 Tds and a pick. Way to ball out.
Mike Addona (Show me your Tds): 17/25, 276 combined yards and 8 Tds. What a night.
Josh Feder (Coyotes): 8 catches for 58 yards and 4 Tds. Yes, 4 Tds.

Power Rankings

Last week, I went around the league and asked for Justin’s opinion on how he’d rank this division. Considering he already works the podcast and, well, let’s be honest, he’d rather see his own name up in those lights rather than be fair, I’ve decided to turn to another self-centered media member, Peeze Della Reeze. We could argue it’s only bound to be worse, but I try to give everybody a 2^nd chance.

Without further ado,

Simon’s Top 10	Peeze’s Top 10
1. The Brotherhood (4-0)	1. The Brotherhood (4-0)
2. Two and a half Dans (4-0)	2. Two and a half Dans (4-0)
3. Dad Bod Squad (4-0)	3. Coyotes (4-0)
4. Coyotes (4-0)	4. Laval’s Finest (3-1)
5. Laval’s Finest (3-1)	5. Dad Bod Squad (4-0)
6. 6+R (3-1)	6. 6+R (3-1)
7. F.O.E. (3-1)	7. Show me Your Tds (3-1)
8. Broccasion (3-1)	8. Broccasion (3-1)
9. BearSkins (3-1)	9. Wolfpack (3-1)
10. Top Sauce (2-2)	10. F.O.E (3-1)

**Quick notes

Our top 5 is basically the same. Peeze might not love Dad Bod Squad the way I do, but he still believes in their power to compete.
Our bottom 5 are quite different. We both have FOE, Broccasion and 6+R in there, but I’ve shown belief in BearSkins and Top Sauce whereas he prefered SMYTDs and Wolfpack.
Time will tell just how strong SMYTDs actually are, but Peeze might have witnessed it first hand.
Are Wolfpack on the rise?

Winless with Aspirations

So, the good news for winless teams is that the season isn’t officially over yet. However, for many teams it may as well be. Every NFL season after week 3, NFL analysts discuss how few teams have made the playoffs after starting 0-3 (3% of the time). This has a decent sample size behind it and while it doesn’t take the dynamics of the season into consideration, it also has enough of a statistical backing that it is more than allegorical. The FPF season has 6 fewer games and thus, you would imagine that 0-4 would be even less likely a start to end in a playoff berth. However, there are some factors to consider.

Firstly, while there are only 10 games in the FPF season, far more teams make the playoffs than in the NFL. Moreover, roster moves and inconsistencies and inevitable injuries will play a role. While I hate pretending to be able to tell the future, there are factors to examine. I will take a look at the winless teams to look at why they are winless so far and whether or not they can turn their season around.

Another thing to keep in mind is that FPF administration puts teams in tiers. Teams are then paired off to play against each other given their relative parity in tiers but must face all teams in their own division regardless of tier. The scheduling algorithm seems to have frontloaded these divisional games and as such weaker teams are facing stiffer competition than they bargained for to start the season. Likewise for strong teams and many of their weak schedules thus far. This may help explain the disparity in division 3 so far. Let’s take a look at individual situations:

BD Bandits: Quarterback Mark Belvedere is often criticized but, he is actually off to a decent start this season. The BD Bandits are not quite as bad as their record indicates. They have faced teams that combine for a 12-4 record so far. Their schedule does ease up but the do face Show Me Your TDs who are better than anyone bargained for this season. They will have favorable matchups against a struggling Les Messieurs Chats, The Heismans, OTF and Red Raiders. Provided that they can win this game and upset either SMYTDs or Darksiders, BD Bandits have a fringe chance at making the playoffs.
The Heismans: The Heismans seem to be overmatched in the division thus far. The suspension to Gordon Stanway (in week 3) seems to have resolved the QB questions as they lost by 1 point to the Jonsers with Nick Guarna behind the snap. The Heismans’ defense has actually done a decent job of creating turnovers as they have recorded 6 interceptions in 4 weeks (led by Terry Katsihitis). They face quarterbacks Fred Morissette, Alex Lever, and Kristian Cerantola in the next 3 weeks. All three are talented quarterbacks who have struggled in recent history. If they cannot upset 2 of these three teams their playoff future will look bleak.
Prestige World Wide: This surprises me. More than anything else, this former powerhouse has allowed their defense to decay. They have allowed 167 points through 4 games and that ranks last in Division 3. There is a lot of talent on this team and Alex Lever has been connecting with Paul Lapierre 26 times for 6 touchdowns. We can expect the offense to continue rolling but, the defense desperately needs to improve. Prestige World Wide have lost to Lightweight, The Brotherhood, Jonesers and Show Me Your TDs. The loss to Jonesers was the only game that they allowed less than 40 points (35). That is putting far too much pressure on Alex Lever to score points. Prestige World Wide have the benefit of playing 2 teams on this winless list and 2 more that have been inconsistent thus far. I would imagine they have a fair chance to recover and make the playoffs.
Les Messieurs Chats: LMC`s problem is that the wrong Centomo is throwing the ball. David Centomo is a great receiver but this first attempt at playing quarter back has not panned out thus far. Les Messieurs Chats have scored thrice only once and that simply isn’t enough to win games. It does appear that Les Messieurs Chats were expected to be a top tier team in the division. They have a murderer’s row of games from week 6-10. On top of their offensive struggles, they have only 1 interception (by Mathieu Thuot) on defense. I don’t expect this season to turn in their favor.
Les Eudistes: Les Eudistes likely have the best chance of turning it around. They have gone back to Hugo Henderson at quarterback and while that hasn’t paid dividends yet, one would have to believe that this is the best configuration of talent for Eudistes. They have an immense amount of talent but often play in a manner that is, let’s say carefree AF. We have also seen, season after season, when Raph Casey and co. decide it’s time to go on a run and they go out and get it done. Last season Les Eudistes went 4-1 in their last 5 games to end the season.
Les Buddays: They came into the season thinking they were going to have Kevin Lubin at quarterback. I liked this move and thought he fit their roster well. Given a last minute departure, Les Buddays decided to add Leon Holder who has not fit the roster well at all. The Buddays have only scored 63 points in 4 games. This is unbelievable when you consider it is a team that features the talent that they have on both sides of the ball. Their upcoming schedule has them facing only two teams with a losing record from now to the end of the season. I see this season as a lost effort for the Buddays.

Picks of the week

Last week, I went on about how I own a crystal ball and that I’m never wrong. Well, going 8/12 isn’t what I call “amazing”, but it’s better than Peeze’s. (0/13. c’mon buddy. Try harder).

Here’s this week’s, hopefully it’ll improve.

Les Eudistes vs Top Sauce: Looking to bounce back from last week’s disastrous performance, I doubt Les Eudistes will be able to contain Top Sauce’s ridiculous roster.
Lightweight vs Jonesers: Jonesers are coming off a thriller, Lightweight just got smoked for the 2^nd straight week. The slump needs to end.
The Brotherhood vs Jonesers: Although Jonesers have the players to keep up with The Brotherhood, I don’t see it happening.
Wolfpack vs Dad Bod Squad: DBS have been on an absolute roll so far this season and Wolfpack doesn’t have the personnel to stop that train.
Coyotes vs F.O.E.: FOE is bound to have a bounce back game, but Coyotes have been way too hot to slow down anytime soon.
B.D. Bandits vs OTF: OTF are hungry. They just got their first win and cannot afford to slow down now.
Laval’s Finest vs Les Buddays: Les Buddays’ QB situation continues to be a problem; Laval’s Finest recently solved theirs.
Broccasion vs Red Raiders: Broccasion’s defense will feast if nothing changes. So might Red Raiders’.
Les Messieurs Chats vs Two and a half Dans: LMC’s frustration will continue into Week 6.
Mongoose vs BearSkins: Mongoose pulls the upset this week; BearSkins won’t see this one coming.
8 Boys 1 Cup vs 6+R: 6+R will face a very fast and physical defense, but it’s also what they strive against. No way they drop this one.
Les Eudistes vs Gros Chef Bandits: Gros Chef Bandits will surprise more than one with a low-scoring affair.
Lightweight vs Show me your Tds: Last time I played against Mike Addona, I was one of his only loss of the season. This one won’t come easy. If it comes at all.
Darksiders vs The Heismans: Darksiders’ roster inconsistency continues to plague them, but this week’s not the week they drop a game.
Top Sauce vs Prestige World Wide: Vince Nardone has one too many weapons to allow Prestige World Wide to stop him.

That’s it for me this week. It’s been a pleasure serving the FPF nation once again in a different form and hopefully it won’t be the last. If you have any comments, compliments or just wanna talk, hit me up via twitter @DagenaisFPF or via email ([email protected]). If you’ve got any complaints regarding what I said, think or when this article came out, redirect said messages to Paolo Della Rocca via twitter @PeezeFPF. Don’t use his email, I heard he lost the password. Eagle, you’re stuck with me for 3 podcasts. Hopefully I’ll have sound this week. Geez.

The state of the division: 4 weeks in.