The Goal Line Stand (Div D) – Week 9

 

A quick scan through Richard Dawkins’ “The Greatest Show on Earth” earlier this week proved surprising when I realized it wasn’t as much about molecular biology as it was about Division D FlagPlus Football games. Week after week we’re treated to thrillers that have us hanging on to our seats and calculating and re-calculating possible playoff seeding.

 

It’s clear to all involved that weeks 8, 9, and 10 have had – and will have – a heavy focus on what’s to come, rather than what’s happening. While in casual conversation with players around the league, it’s obvious that their attention has already shifted to the post-season. Some may suggest this as a dangerous strategy; removing one’s concentration from the task at hand. But I think it’s the only way to go at this juncture of the season.

 

As we’ve all learned playing in Division D/5 over the past few seasons, throw regular season records and stats out the window because none of that matters now. Any group of guys could steal any game. Whether you’re 1st or 8th, you’re in the playoffs, and you have a chance to be part of something big.    

 

Weekly Recap

 

Frowning Comics

Adrian Redmond and Chris Williams each had an interception while Omar Robinson had to be the non-conformist with two as the Vikings handed the Flying Comics their 5th loss of the season. A tied second-half notwithstanding, this game never looked as though the tide was going to turn the way it does when my dad gets on the beach in his Speedo. Frank Grenier threw for 245 yards, but his TD to INT ratio of 4:4 overshadowed his yardage. An alternate title for this recap could have been “How INTs Lead to Losses, Upsetting Article Segments.” The Viking defense is aggressive like no other and evokes shades of last season’s Division 5’s A-Squad. For better or for worse, this ball-hawking defense gives Graeme Carr a comfortable buffer zone. One he’s been using quite effectively as of late. Sébastien Ravary was his usual self and lone bright spot for the Flying Comics, tying his season-high for receptions in a single game with 8 (130 yards, 2 TDs). The Flying Comics will play UFF next week; a game that has serious seeding implications. I wish I could tell you about possible matchups, but anything is still possible with the top of Conference A being just as cloudy as the bottom of it (not unlike the soup they serve at the school cafeteria).     

 

Like Clockwork

Clockwork let the league know that last week’s loss to the Average Joes was not a habit they intend to develop, like flossing or donating to charity. They beat an Affreux team that I think could make some serious noise in the playoffs. A look at the standings and remaining games probably has Les Affreux playing Chili con Carne FFC in the first round. In a conversation with Mathieu Domon prior to this game, he let me know that he and his team are already thinking about the possible matchup and that they’re comfortable with the variables involved. This is a game no one should predict (I will anyways), as it could go either way. Despite Les Affreux’s well-roundedness, Clockwork never really gave up the driver’s seat in this one. Clockwork QB Marco Masciotra (two-way player of the year?) continued to impress as I saw him scramble to his right in the red zone only to throw back into the centre of the field to find one of his receivers for a TD. Despite being on the run, throwing across his body, and falling backwards with the rusher in his face, Masciotra still threw the ball hard enough that if there were a spear attached to the end of it, he could have easily harpooned a whale through the skull and fed an entire Inuit village for weeks. The only thing that could have made that play harder would be to have done it in heels. Trust me, it’s not easy.

 

Replacements and Punch Panda Battle to Draw

The plot could not have been thicker. Two evenly matched teams, the prize of a coveted playoff spot, roster and personnel movement, and a plethora of media attention to boot. The Replacements’ superior ability to convert extra points was the reason they were able to take a tie away from this game. Despite being outscored 5 TDs to 4, they racked up a big 6 points on conversions whereas Punch Panda was unable to score any. Joseph Foti intercepted a shovel-pass intended for snapper Paolo Della Rocca deep in his own zone, alleviating pressure early on. On the defensive side of the ball, Mo Azab lined up in front of star addition Alex David. The added pressure on David forced Panda QB Anthony Carbone to find other receivers on plays he wouldn’t have otherwise. David still performed well but credit must be given to Azab who made a difference. Visibly disheartened after the game, the Pandas were quickly energized when realizing they were still not mathematically eliminated from playoff contention. As for almost every other team, week 10 will decide where the cards fall for Punch Panda.    

 

Interviews

 

This week Les Affreux’s defensive captain Yan Clément explains how he plans to deal with the league’s second best offence. Giovanni Lanni of Clockwork answers the tough questions. The Viking’s Omar Robinson earns some face time with his 2 huge INTs. And I brave the dangers of second-hand smoke with scorekeeper Ivan Barreca.

 

www.youtube.com/andrewFPF

 

By The Numbers

 

I realized the Microsoft Excel spreadsheet I use to calculate all these numbers was as mature and advanced as it was going to get when I tried to add another column and it resulted in a black hole at the end of my desk. I lost a few pencils and a signed photograph of Jason Lachapelle. Apparently my insurance company doesn’t recognize FPF memorabilia as “items requiring financial compensation for in the event of an accident.” So I’m switching to Allstate, who do.   

 

270: Number of passing yards for Lockdown QB Gianfranco Ranaudo. Most in any week by a Division D QB.

0: Number of pick-6’s this week.

2: Number of QBs not throwing an INT this week. The Incredibles’ Andrew Funamoto and Lockdown’s Gianfranco Ranaudo.

17: Average number of yards per rush by the Boozers in week 9. Most this week.

4: Number of sacks for UFF. The next best teams only had 2.

56.12: Combined average completion percentage rate for all teams this week. Highest so far this season. 10% higher than week 1 (46.52%)

2: Number of teams not attempting to run in week 9. The Incredibles and Dragons.

31.25: Percent of Andrew Funamoto’s passes resulting in a TD. Best this week.

2: Number of receiving categories in which Jacob Peterson leads the league.

2: Number of receiving categories in which Kevin Lubin is a close second.

 

Power-Rankings

 

Here are the power-rankings after week 9:

 

1. Clockwork: Have not let go of this spot for a long time and will have it after week 10 as well, barring a disaster.
2. Maximum Carnage: It’s not easy holding Derek Daoust and Limetime to only 12 points (about half of their average points for per game). But they did it.  
3. Boozers: Their only 2 losses have come against the two teams ahead of them in the power-rankings.
4. Vikings: Are the sole owners of 1st in Conference A. A win next week seals the deal.
5. Lockdown: Gianfranco Ranaudo’s career-high 270 yards this week puts Lockdown in a position to win the conference next week with a win over the highly-touted Vikings.
6. Dragons: Hit a bump in the road this week. Have not lost 2 games in a row, however. That trend will continue and they’ll begin the playoffs on a winning note.
7. The Incredibles: Their win in week 9 was a warning shot. A win next week surges them back up the power-rankings and, more importantly, the standings.
8. Chili con Carne FFC: Lost by only 1 TD to the Boozers. Deserve to move up a spot.
9. Les Affreux: Lost this week but will finish the season on a winning note. A date with Chili con Carne FFC in round one awaits.  
10. Tyrants: This team expects more from itself. 4-5 is below their standards. Could be a possible spoiler in the playoffs.

 

Le Zoo doesn’t make it in yet, but they don’t care. It’s all about playoffs. UFF is making me feel a little better about calling them the best 0-2 team back in week 2. I said they could go 6-4. 5-5 wouldn’t be bad either. Limetime continues to lose but watching their games paints a portrait of a dangerous team. Playing the Average Joes is like going on a blind date, you just hope who shows up isn’t good enough to beat you up. And Mo Azab has done it to me again. His key adjustments versus Punch Panda eliminated my perfect week of predictions.

 

Predictions

 

I went 7-0-1 in week 9, bringing my cumulative record to 36-10-2. Unfortunately for me, week 10 looks much harder to predict. If I can go 5-5 this week, I’ll be satisfied. Unlike most of you, my success is relative.

 

UFF vs. Flying Comics: UFF seems to love being part of close games. Look for them to be slightly ahead when the whistle blows.   

 

Le Zoo vs. The Incredibles: The Incredibles have re-found their winning ways. Still, look for Le Zoo to win an upset game here.

 

Dragons vs. Wildkittens: The result of this game would be equivalent to that if a dragon and kitten would actually play each other in a game of flag football. Mind you I don’t think either would understand the concept of downs. If my girlfriend can’t do it, they certainly can’t.

 

Maximum Carnage vs. Replacements: No reason Maximum Carnage should lose this game.

 

Clockwork vs. Chili con Carne FFC: Clockwork will win but Chili con Carne FFC won’t go down without leaving an impression.

 

Average Joes vs. Punch Panda: A Punch Panda win coupled with a Replacements loss and Punch Panda earns a birth in the playoffs (depending on the margin of victory/defeat because of +/-). I foresee a Clockwork/Punch Panda opening round matchup.

 

Limetime vs. Boozers: Limetime is probably better than their 3-6 record suggests. But not good enough to beat the Boozers. 

 

Tyrants vs. Les Affreux: Look for the running game of Mathieu Domon to play a big part in an Affreux win in the final game of Division D this year.

 

The season is winding down and still I get more e-mails for cheap prescription medication and luring invitations about growing parts of me to sizes she’s never seen before than from players wanting to chat about football. Remember, e-mail me at [email protected] for anything that might be on your mind about games, rules, stats, or anything that has to do with removing another man’s belt from his hips.