The Goal Line Stand (Div D) – Week 7

Below you will find the comprehensive standings for both Conference A and B.

 

Beware, despite technically being complete, they lack key information. This is, of course, the last column. Saving divisional play for the very end is a double-edged sword. Teams have time to hone their skills before critical games and scouting has taken its course. However, a poor first seven weeks may go unpunished.

 

All things considered, I’m a fan of this format, as it leads to interesting matchups where interesting matchups would otherwise not be – like Major League Baseball, for instance. For example, a team with a losing record will play hard in the last weeks instead of mailing it in (when are we changing that expression to “e-mailing it in”?). Similarly, teams who are mathematically eliminated get to play the exciting role of spoiler. Nothing is more fun than kicking over someone’s sand castle when you forgot your buckets and shovels at home.   

 

Conference A		Points	Wins	+/-	Divisional
1	Spartans	14	7	100	0-0-0
2	#NoRegard	14	7	79	0-0-0
3	Affreux	11	5	72	0-0-0
4	TCO	10	5	49	0-0-0
5	Rogues	12	6	113	0-0-0
6	Sea Assassins	11	5	49	0-0-0
7	Dragons	8	4	-6	0-0-0
8	Stunnerz	6	3	15	0-0-0
9	Knights	6	3	-44	0-0-0
10	All-Coholics	6	3	-53	0-0-0
11	Marvels	6	3	-53	0-0-0
12	Westside Connection	5	2	-19	0-0-0
13	Speed Demons	4	2	-33	0-0-0
14	Vikings	2	1	-71	0-0-0
15	Checkmate	0	0	-82	0-0-0
16	Tailgates	0	0	-194	0-0-0

 

Conference B		Points	Wins	+/-	Divisional
1	Boozers	14	7	97	0-0-0
2	Certified Flyguyz	10	5	40	0-0-0
3	Blue Mountain State	9	4	39	0-0-0
4	Longhorns	6	3	-14	0-0-0
5	Vis Motus	10	5	37	0-0-0
6	Sons of Cyr	8	4	39	0-0-0
7	C Difficile	8	4	-14	0-0-0
8	Lockdown	8	4	39	0-0-0
9	Broncos	6	3	17	0-0-0
10	First Downers	6	3	3	0-0-0
11	Project Mayhem	6	3	-10	0-0-0
12	Tyrants	4	2	0	0-0-0
13	Flying Comics	4	2	-30	0-0-0
14	Moose	4	2	-37	0-0-0
15	Park-X Streets	4	2	-52	0-0-0
16	Eskimo Brothers	2	1	-75	0-0-0

 

Weekly Recap

 

Vikings Upset Comics

 

Any blurb about this game must start by recognizing the absence of Flying Comic starting QB, Frank Grenier. When a team begins without its starter, it usually ends without a win. The Vikings were able to take advantage of that by picking off 4 balls, 1 for a score. This was the first win of the season for the Vikings, but may be exactly what they needed to open the floodgates. Now that only divisional play remains, they have a serious chance against both the All-Coholics and Marvels with the intentions of slipping in to the playoffs. The Comics, on the other hand, face a very different situation. 7 weeks in they look back at a disappointing season for which they had high hopes. Their divisional games, unlike the Vikings, are more likely to be the nails in the coffin rather than the redeeming opportunities.   

 

Puff the Magic Dragon

 

I instantaneously thought of the children’s nursery rhyme about a dragon that trips out on acid and has hallucinogenic visions when I saw the Dragons/Blue Mountain State scoreline. Unlike dragons, however, extra points are very real. The Dragons won this one by the skin of their pointy teeth in the first half by claiming 3 extra-points and holding Blue Mountain State to none. Both these teams are at the bottom of the very tenuous Power Rankings this week and have important games up ahead. The Dragons’ most interesting game of the season will come in Week 10 when they play Les Affreux. These two teams know each other extremely well and will prove to be an even matchup. Their game against C Difficile will be “must watch” for Blue Mountain State. Like the aforementioned Dragons/Affreux match, this one may decide the winner of the division.    

 

By the Numbers

 

This Summer I decided to be a Camp Monitor. When I told the kids (ranging in age from 5 to 11) I was in school to be a High School teacher, they immediately accused me of lying in order to get them to listen to me because “no one wants to be a teacher.” So I sent one to the Principal’s office. I feel bad treating them like they’re in school in July, but strangely feel no remorse for what I’m about to do to you.  

 

20: Number of tackles by Speed Demons and First Downers. Followed closely by Certified Flyguyz with 19.
54.89: Passing completion rate this week. Highest this season. 
63: Number of passing yards allowed by Project Mayhem’s defense. Least this week. 
27.28125: Average points scored this week. Highest this season. 
10: Number of rushing touchdowns scored this week. Led by Affreux’s Mathieu Domon (3) and Eskimo Brothers’ Shawn Steen (2).
10: Number of teams with QB ratings over 100. Six of them are over 125. Two of them are over 140.
7.78: Yards per reception allowed by Dragons. Least this week.

 

Power Rankings

 

I still haven’t decided yet if I’m honored or insulted about the guys from the Boozers mistaking Paolo Della Rocca for me and confronting him about their rank on the Power Rankings. On the one hand, they evidently read the article and care about what’s written. On the other, they clearly have no idea who I am. So, for the moment, I’ll remain extremely indifferent (is that even possible?). The Power Rankings, however, are not indifferent. They burn with a discrimination like something you contracted in Prague and thought was just a rash but didn’t realize until you got back to Montreal that it was more serious than that and by then it was too late so now you tell girls it’s a sunburn but they know that’s a lie.

 

1. #NoRegard (7-0): And I didn’t think they would be 6-0. And now they are 7-0. And soon I am fired.

2. Rogues (6-1): Put up 61 points this week in a statement game.

3. Boozers (7-0): Beating TCO slides them ahead of Spartans, whose opponents have been slightly less challenging.

4. Spartans (7-0): These guys can probably play with any of the three teams in front of them in the case of shootouts.

5. Affreux (5-1-1): Had flown under the radar until recently.

6. Vis Motus (5-2): Losing to #NoRegard doesn’t mean as much as beating them could have meant.

7. TCO (5-2): Have lost two straight since starting 5-0.

8. Certified Flyguyz (5-2): Are going to be an even better playoff team.

9. Blue Mountain State (4-2-1): Being in the tight B South threatens their great record.

10. Dragons (4-3): Have re-gained their stride after losing to Sons of Cyr.

 

Predictions

 

My 10-5 predicting record in Week 7 was an improvement on weeks passed, but still not up to snuff. I have very high standards for myself – for example: when I locked myself in my room after only winning bronze at the 1992 Summer Olympic games in Barcelona for equestrian (this joke is no longer funny now that I realize some of the readers may theoretically  be old enough to have actually competed in the 1992 games). With my 59-28 running record and bronze medal in my pocket, I look forward to next week and the inevitable glory that I was bask in once I win this inter-FPF football pool.

 

Vis Motus vs. Flying Comics

Certified Flyguyz vs. Project Mayhem

Broncos vs. Boozers

Westside Connection vs. Dragons

C Difficile vs. Sons of Cyr

Vikings vs. All-Coholics

Tailgates vs. Checkmate

Sea Assassins vs. Rogues

Stunnerz vs. Spartans

Eskimo Brothers vs. Longhorns

Speed Demons vs. TCO

Blue Mountain State vs. Moose

Marvels vs. #NoRegard

Affreux vs. Knights

Tyrants vs. Park-X Streets

 

———————————————–

 

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: I’m not going to be the guy who e-mail’s D’Anna about Division D recreational flag-football. Hey, I just spent several hours writing this so yes you will. And unlike most best-selling novelists, I take very well to criticism – most of my contacts around the league started with a reader sending a drunken late-night e-mail with a misspelled subject line. Send SOMETHING to [email protected].

 

Likewise, help make FPF better by volunteering to be a co-host or call-in on Calling the Audible, FPF’s official podcast, by e-mailing me. All participants get a percentage of the profits generated by the podcast (hint: you won’t need a calculator to figure it out).

 

See you on the fields in Week 8.