The Goal Line Stand (Div D) – Week 6

Division D was honored with having the game of the week this past Sunday in Lachine. Two titans, Clockwork and the Boozers, went head-to-head in a battle of epic proportions. It was like the Iliad, except on turf and with a lot more historical significance. More on this in the weekly recap…

 

If you subscribe to the theory that any press is good press, then I had a very good week. My article, which I assume went unread due to its caliber and length, actually created quite a stir on the FPF Facebook wall (our equivalent of the tabloids). I was simultaneously pleased and disappointed when I browsed through the 19 comments. Pleased that I was able to write something which people took the time to discuss on a public forum. And disappointed that no one pointed out my actual mistake.

 

No, I don’t mean the fact that Adrien Dusautois is more of an amateur freelance ornithological photographer than an enthusiast. A negligible detail. I meant the fact that I put Vikings player Adrian Redmond in Conference B’s top defensive players category when a simple look at the standings places the Vikings convincingly in Conference A. I was very embarrassed. Then again, does this say more about my ability to read, or about Conference B’s ability to play defense?

 

In any case, football has always been a way to get rid of your aggression without ending up in marriage counseling for it. Thanks for the passion!

 

Weekly Recap

 

Game of the Week

Marco Masciotra improved his TD:INT ratio to 28:5 this week as he shone for Clockwork in their win against the Boozers. Most Division D players had this game circled on their calendars from as early as week 3, when it was becoming obvious that these two teams were going to be power houses in Conference B. It was clear early on that both teams respected their opponent’s ability to play football, and as a result, a tight and physical game ensued. Both QBs threw for over 100 yards in this relatively low-scoring affair. The game was decided when Clockwork had the ball in enemy territory with only 2 plays left. Masciotra found his receiver in the near corner of the end zone and jammed the ball into the small opening, thus, breaking the tie. Other top performers included Martin Jackson of the Boozers who pitched in with 4 receptions for 55 yards and 1 TD. Not to be forgotten is Clockwork’s Matt Kirouac who has proven himself to be very versatile in whatever division he plays in.

 

Limetime More Than Average

Despite only being down by a touchdown at halftime, the Average Joes never really showed signs of coming back into this game. The second half was especially disappointing for them, failing to score a single point. Their defense, however, remained consistent allowing 25 points. Only once has the Average Joe defense conceded more than 25 points. Because of this, a lucky bounce or rabbit’s foot pressed ever so gently against the crest of the goal post might be enough for them to steal a game. David Daoust did me a favor by catching 9 balls for 97 yards and 3 TDs after I put him on the dream team last week. So did Patrick Manning, completing over 50% of his passes and throwing 0 INTs. Limetime will have to prove to the league in week 7 that they can beat a team that has a winning record in Les Affreux. Alternatively, Les Affreux need to prove that their loss to the Average Joes in week 5 was just a bump in the road.

 

Silver Linings

The Wildkittens didn’t lose their game against Le Zoo on Thursday; they simply ran out of time. Even with Deslauriers in the line-up for Le Zoo (mind you, playing a limited role because of his hand) the Wildkittens came out gangbusters after halftime. They beat Le Zoo 12-0 in the second half and were a two-point conversion away from tying it up. G.M. Kolethras contacted me before the game to let me know his team was ready to play ball. With leader Adrien Dusautois racking up big stats (4 catches, 51 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT) after missing time due to injury, the Wildkittens took on a good team and held their ground. Le Zoo is one of the teams the Wildkittens are going to have to pilfer a playoff spot from, however. So, unfortunately, this one might have to be filed under “disappointing.” Le Zoo breathes a little easier knowing they’ve just made some room between them and the Wildkittens.    

 

Interviews

 

This week Zach Brisebois of the Average Joes manages to avoid eye-contact with the camera for an impressive amount of time. Felix Gauthier and Marco Masciotra let me know how they feel after going head-to-head with each other in the game of the week. And Bryan Mongeau and Jason Lachapelle of Maximum Carnage show off our league’s bilingualism.

 

www.youtube.com/andrewFPF

 

Keep checking in for the latest updates!

 

By The Numbers

 

According to associate professor of mathematics Des McHale of the University College Cork in Ireland, the average human has one breast and one testicle. This statistic is as useless as it is true. So what does that say about these statistics?

 

3: Number of teams scoring a rushing TD in week 6. Chili, Affreux, Wildkittens.

-7: Rushing yards for Average Joes. Worst in week 6. Easily.

23: Number of tackles by Le Zoo. Highest in week 6.

11: Number of PDs for the Viking defense. Best in week 6.

2: Number of teams with a pick-6. Chili and The Incredibles.

126.30: Vikings’ Graeme Carr’s QB rating. Best in week 6. Followed closely by Greg Stern and Gianfranco Ranaudo.

5/0: TD to INT ratio of The Incredibles’ Greg Stern and Lockdown’s Gianfranco Ranaudo. Best in week 6.

5: Number of turnovers forced by the Dragons’ defense. Most in week 6.

35: Number of throws attempted by Punch Panda’s Anthony Carbone. Most in week 6.  

 

Power-Rankings

 

Here are the power-rankings after week 6:

 

1. Clockwork (6-0) – Secure first spot with a big win over the Boozers.
2. The Incredibles (5-1) – Took on Flying Comics without Peterson and won.
3. Maximum Carnage (4-2) – Drop a spot because they lost a game they shouldn’t have.
4. Boozers (4-2) – Gave Clockwork a serious scare. First team to do so.
5. Dragons (5-1) – In 5th despite having a better record than the teams in 3rd and 4th. Need to beat a big boy to move up.
6. Lockdown (4-2) – Have recovered quickly and on a 2-game win streak.
7. Les Affreux (3-2-1) – Beat a good team this week. Good response from disastrous week 5.
8. Vikings (4-2) – Becoming more consistent. Dangerous playoff team.
9. Tyrants (3-3) – Drop a few spots due to a loss. In tough next week as well.
10. Chili con Carne FFC (3-3) – Cling onto the last spot with a win over struggling Punch Panda.

 

Limetime got the job done against a hot Average Joes team and can potentially steal a spot next week with another win. Le Zoo’s win wasn’t convincing enough to merit a spot yet. And the Flying Comics’ solid performance against The Incredibles has created buzz around the league. This was the Average Joes’ chance to make the power-rankings; they face Boozers and Clockwork in the next two weeks respectively.   

 

Predictions

 

Predicting what’s going to happen next week is easy. It’s trying to figure out what the heck is going on now that’s difficult. I went 6-2 this week bringing me to a combined 17-6-1 record for the year. I’ve started a formal petition to legalize gambling on FPF matches and have it regulated under the provincial government at www.makemypaper.com.

 

Vikings vs. Le Zoo: Both these teams are coming off wins. Vikings are too good to beat without Deslauriers.

Boozers vs. Average Joes: Will Cinderella’s carriage turn back into a pumpkin? Yes. Boozers.

Tyrants vs. Dragons: How can you pick against a 5-game winning streak? Dragons.

Les Affreux vs. Limetime: Most difficult game to predict this week. Look for Les Affreux to take week 6’s momentum into week 7.

Replacements vs. Clockwork: A modern-day David vs. Goliath. Don’t expect miracles this time.

Punch Panda vs. Maximum Carnage: Maximum Carnage should make this a statement game after their loss to Les Affreux this week.

Wildkittens vs. UFF: This Conference A basement brawl will have UFF on top.

The Incredibles vs. Chili con Carne FFC: Chili’s two-game win streak will be snapped.

 

How many of you actually clicked that link?

 

Please note that due to the current mail strike, I haven’t been receiving your letters, photos, and poems. Please e-mail me at [email protected] instead until the problem has been resolved. If there’s any consolation in the fact that we no longer have mailboxes full of flyers and credit card applications, it’s that we’re all in this together. Thank you for your patience.