The Goal-Line Stand (Div D) – Week 3 – FlagPlus Football League

I tried to write this article myself but found the pain unbearable midway throughhhh thissss sentenceeee.

As a result, I’ve re-hired my secretary that I fired last week at a severely reduced wage to transcribe it for me. But just because I’m cheap with my staff doesn’t mean I’m cheap with my readers. In this article, I won’t just give you my 2 cents; I’ll drop a $50 and tell you to keep the change.

Weekly Recap

Affreux Arrested for Beating Sons (Of Cyr)

Mathieu Domon hit Marco Dubois 6 times for 69 yards (which is an acceptable number as long as the 6 and the 9 get married first) including 1 touchdown in the Affreux’s romp of Sons of Cyr. Domon was his usual self – adding 57 yards on the ground and sneaking in for a score. This brings les Affreux to 2-1 which puts them at the top of their division. They’re doing it the same way they’ve always done it: with a high-flying offense and an intimidating rush by Daniel Bellefeuille. Sons of Cyr are brought back to reality after their win over Park-X Streets. However, a win over Project Mayhem, which is possible, will get them back on track sooner rather than later. Caution: the second half of their schedule looks less forgiving than the first half. They will require Joseph Cecere to be as dominant on the defensive side of the ball every week.

Boozers Have Tailgate Party

It’s difficult to imagine a team with a quarterback who only completes 4 passes in a game to then also score 40 points, but that’s exactly what Boozers did this week. Bruno Pelletier went 4/12 with 2 TDs and an INT (1 rushing TD) and his team ended the game up 40 points to none. The Boozers had a total of 8 interceptions, 3 of which were grabbed by Pierre-Marc Lachaine. This may have been the only freebie on the Boozers schedule as they are seeded as one of Division D’s best. Likewise, the Tailgates have also found themselves with a tough schedule and may need to capitalize on week 4’s matchup against the Sea Assassins to get their first win before things get even tougher. The absence of fulltime QB Simon Houle-Gauthier hurt, as they shuffled through 3 different quarterbacks last week for a total of 1 completion and -7 yards overall.

Sea Assassins go Cow Tipping

A game that was relatively peaceful was not without its dramatics. In what was probably an FPF first, Longhorn rusher Christian Talbot intercepted a snap destined for Sea Assassin QB Evan Nolet. After having muffed the snap, the snapper let go a prayer which shot straight up above him and landed gently in Talbot’s arms for an interception. Thankfully for the Assassins, this wasn’t a game-changer, so FPF fans may soon forget about it – if not for this article. After 3 weeks the Sea Assassins are unbeaten and could likely extend this to 4 with their game against the Tailgates before things get tough in the second half of the season. The Longhorns will need to continue to lean on Brian Martin and his abilities if they want to upset some teams in the future. This includes targeting Martin more in red-zone situations.

By The Numbers

I whipped out my trigonometry set in order to calculate this week’s stats. After being calmly warned and politely asked to sit down at the local Tim Horton’s, this is what I have to show for it.

14.3: Percentage of all passes resulting in touchdowns
2.531: Average number of passes defended. Led by TCO (16)
85.03: Average QB rating for all teams. Led by Marvels’ Raed El-Machtoub (140.87)
3: Number of scores by the Boozers’ defense
140.5: Average number of yards through the air
10: Number of teams who were not sacked this week.
24.68: Average passing attempts. 13.28 of them were successful.

Power Rankings

Below you will find a list of 10 teams which I have selected as the preeminent leaders of Division D after 3 weeks of play. Remember, there’s nothing I love more than readjusting this list every single week, so if you see your name here it only means that you have your work cut out for you. Don’t forget that the system I use to select the ordering is not a system at all.

Rogues (3-0): They would have dropped had they lost to the Tyrants, but alas.
Boozers (3-0): Despite treating me to one of the most entertaining games I’ve seen, they don’t earn the first spot yet
#NoRegard (3-0): By beating Certified Flyguyz, they continue to be a relevant topic and also won me a bet.
TCO (3-0): They sit in 4^th for now, but the toughest part of their schedule is still to come.
Vis Motus (3-0): Their dismantling of the All-Coholics has them seriously contemplating rehab.
Spartans (3-0): This is a good team that may need to tighten up their defense if their divisional play is going to be successful.
Affreux (2-1): If Mathieu Domon can continue to avoid being sacked, they will have a good year.
Dragons (2-1): The addition of Louis-Simon Beauséjour is proving to be a wise move.
Certified Flyguyz (2-1): These guys are set to string together a few wins in a row.
Project Mayhem: Any team that spreads the ball around this well on offense is going to be successful.

Predictions

After having done so well last week (14-1), I have my sights set on a pretty successful season of predicting – especially since there was just a 1-point difference in the one I picked incorrectly. Based on my new-found success, I’m taking the fact that I will win this inter-writer competition for granted and now have my sights set on winning the Westminster Dog Show, as well as Motortrend’s Car of The Year. Here are my picks for this week:

Tailgates vs Sea Assassins

Project Mayhem vs Sons of Cyr

Westside Connection vs Marvels

Broncos vs Eskimo Brothers

Moose vs Flying Comics

Affreux vs Vikings

Dragonsvs #NoRegard

TCO vs Stunnerz

Knights vs All-Coholics

Boozers vs Longhorns

Blue Mountain State vs Vis Motus

Speed Demons vs Spartans

C Difficile vs Certified Flyguyz

Checkmate vs Rogues

First Downers vs Park-X Streets

I learned something new in Week 3: crispy pastry shells filled with whipped cream and topped with dusted sugar are the only way to save relationships that are in peril.

Continue to send all mail to [email protected] as this has become my only portal to the outside world. Forward me your junk mail as well so that I may browse through it for coupons. Please check in to Calling The Audible which you can link to from the homepage to listen to what Kevin Lubin has to say regarding the controversy surrounding his Rogues team as well as the insights of Chris Olson as we get to know his team, the Stunnerz.

See you on the fields in Week 4.