The Goal Line Stand (Div D) – Week 14
24-08-2011 12:00 AM
In much the same way that crazy beats big in a fight, I now know that experience beats youth in an FPF final.
An Average Joes victory was poetic in the sense that The Incredibles have years of FPF football left to go, whereas the Average Joes may part ways as early as the Winter 2012 season.
Whether or not The Incredibles will move up to Division 4 for the Winter 2012 season is undecided, but fans should not be concerned about the sudden change in scenery. One day, Jacob Peterson will be handed a championship trophy and promptly offer it to the likes of David Stein, Marco Bertoldi, Adam Fried, Caleb Jones, Mike Cho, and Greg Stern so that it can be passed around like Sally from the gas station.
Until then, we celebrate with the boys in the vintage shirts who have become more than average over the course of the season. Week 4’s addition of Tom Nikoletopoulos gave them a QB who was, well, a QB. This improved their top-5 receivers as Ben Joseph was now available to line up on the line of scrimmage, rather than at least five yards behind a bent over Anthony Da Ponte (not that we all wouldn’t kill to be there).
Now, the pieces were in place to contend for a championship. Omar Naek carried the load rushing, but got help from Martin Gregory in a display of the Joes’ ability to adjust. The aforementioned Gregory gave the team a red zone target and strength in a position they would not otherwise have had. J.P. Mancini didn’t drop a ball, Daron Basmadjian didn’t miss a flag, and the stunning revelation that they did not, in fact, need Chris Smith all culminated in a memorable finals.
What Happened?
Excellent question.
Greg Stern’s stats say he went 15/31, but it was his receivers who had a bad day. I was witness to more drops than the student services centre at Concordia the day after a tough midterm. Nothing is more frustrating than watching a ball hit your receivers in the hands, only to watch it hit the ground seconds later. Despite this, The Incredibles were up 19-18 at halftime.
Cue the comeback.
The Average Joes’ defense was absolutely smothering in the second half, limiting a usually prolific attack to only 7 points. In exchange, Nikoletopoulos and the gang scored twice to put them up by 5. The Incredibles had the ball deep in their own zone late in the game and could not achieve the all important first down. This gave the Average Joes the ball at around midfield with only 5 plays left and up by 5. Game over, right?
Wrong.
I expected a run, kneel, run, kneel, punt strategy. But on the second of five plays, Nikoletopoulos threw a fade to his right which was picked off by David Stein. The Incredibles used one play to approach the end zone and the final two to try and pierce the armor of a tough red zone defense. Unfortunately for them, it was to no avail. The referee twirled his flag and sent Average Joe fans into a stupor. 14 weeks of worked had paid off in the biggest way possible.
Congratulations, Average Joes.
Interviews
As promised, the blooper reel for the interviews is up. Please take a look and have a laugh at my expense. Who knows, maybe you’ll even see yourself!
By The Numbers
This ‘By The Numbers’ segment is a 10-week recap of the entire regular season.
Best Offenses
Most Passing Yards: The Incredibles (1678)
Most Passing Touchdowns: Clockwork (46)
Most Rushing Yards: Jason Lachapelle. I mean Maximum Carnage (575)
Most Rushing Touchdowns: Boozers (9)
Most Extra Points scored: Clockwork (34)*
Best Defenses
Least Passing Yards Against: Chili Con Carne FFC (999)
Most Takeaways: Clockwork & Chili Con Carne FFC (23)
Least Rushing Yards Against: Wildkittens (153)
Most Sacks: Chili Con Carne FFC and The Incredibles (14)
Least Points Allowed: Boozers (185) **
* Includes Safeties scored
** Removes Pick-6s by offense
My Gift to the Average Joes
Because I can’t afford to give the Average Joes a real gift on an FPF analyst’s salary, I wrote a letter to the Oxford University Press Dictionary asking for the meaning of the word “average” to be changed to something with a slightly more complimentary connotation.
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To whom it may concern,
As you have probably already heard by now, the Average Joes have won the FPF Div D championship. I believe that it would only be fitting for the meaning of the word “average” to be changed to something along the lines of “more than standard, greater than usual, and out of the ordinary” in honor of their victory. I have great faith that your organization will make the right choice in this situation, and that our two entities can continue to work together to improve the state of FPF as well as of the English language.
Yours truly,
Andrew D’Anna, FPF analyst
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To which they responded:
Mr. D’Anna,
This is your 74th request that we have had to deny from the 52nd organization you claim to represent. Please refrain from writing to us again in the future, as we have contacted a lawyer in regards to your specific case. Any attempt to bastardize the English language on your part will be met with swift justice.
However, we hope to be able to read more of your work in the Winter 2012 season. Phil in Accounts Receivable squirted milk out of his nose last week he was laughing so hard.
Stop writing us,
Oxford University Press Dictionary
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You’re welcome, Joes.
And thank you FPF readers! Without the knowledge that my article gets between 5 and 10 hits a week (4 of which are G.M. Kolethras) I would not have been so motivated all season. I hope you’ve enjoyed the segments and am cautiously optimistic that you will enjoy the new ones I intend to implement for the Winter 2012 season including a paragraph per week in French and another video element with a special guest for new teams to watch and learn from someone who knows his way around a flag-football field.
I know the season is over, but that’s no reason you shouldn’t e-mail me at [email protected] with feedback or questions on a wide range of topics. My strengths are Colonial America and the French Revolution.