The Goal Line Stand (Div D) – Week 12
10-08-2011 12:00 AM
Millions of years of human evolution have culminated in what we now come to recognize as a flag football player.
Strong, nimble fingers just the right size and girth to grip a football by the laces and chuck it yards away to an awaiting receiver whose newly (relatively) evolved opposable thumbs will aid in catching it. A midsection just slightly wider than our thorax where a flag belt can perch ever so slightly until an opposing player’s hand – whose webbing was shed long ago thanks to natural adaptation – snatches it from our hips. Two eyes, engineered perfectly to judge the distance of oncoming defenders whose only mission is to impede your progress towards the end zone, combined with ankles that have a wide range of motion allow for the ball-carrier to avoid being de-flagged using recently developed moves such as the spin-o-rama, the juke-and-jive, and most memorably, the charge-and-flag-guard.
Therefore, it’s obvious to anyone who can take simple and perceptible facts and spin them so that they reach a pre-determined conclusion without making any attempt at correlation, we were meant to play FlagPlus Football!
Eight teams continued this rich tradition Sunday night in what was an exceptionally thrilling quarter-finals. Today, only the best and most deserving remain. The Vikings, Les Affreux, Clockwork, and the Tyrants have all booked trips and rented log cabins to help forget about the disappointing weekend that was. UFF, Maximum Carnage, the Average Joes, and The Incredibles, on the other hand, all begin a week-long march towards the semi-finals. The final step before the grand finale set to take place on August 21st in Brossard promises to be chock full of action and drama and maybe even a little romance.
Before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s recap:
Weekly Recap
Last Second Heroics
Apparently it doesn’t matter that UFF’s jerseys look like they were vandalized by the cast of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” In a weekend where both #1 seeds were ousted, UFF showed that it’s more about a well-rounded roster and attention to both offense and defense than it is about fireworks and trash talking. I watched the entire game from the UFF bench and was impressed with their ability to remain perseverant and headstrong. The real fun started when UFF was down by 2 points (damn safeties) with one minute before the 5-plays warning. Francois Raymond took the reins and drove his team down the field to the 5 yard line until only one play remained. In a play that brought me to my feet – and simultaneously produced a squeal the likes of which no man should make – Raymond took the snap, hula’d around the rusher, and speared the ball to Sebastien Bourassa for the win. What was of particular interest was that Raymond threw the ball so hard that Bourassa actually went, “Ufffff…” when he caught it. Serious.
Au Maximum
Watching this game I questioned whether or not Jason Lachapelle would be able to rush Mathieu Domon efficiently and still have enough energy to QB his offense with success in the latter stages of the game. Lesson learned. Maximum Carnage also “shortened their bench” this week as all of Lachapelle’s completions were to his top-3 receivers (Bryan Mongeau, Chris Olson, and Jeff Moscato). Similarly on defense, playing time became harder and harder to come by for utility and role players. This may be signs that Maximum Carnage is not as deep as they would like to be in crunch time situations. Alternatively, it may also just be a sign of the team’s commitment to winning. They’ll face the Average Joes next week.
Who Needs Chris Smith?
Apparently not the Average Joes. Some Division D writers did not think it was possible for the Average Joes to beat Clockwork without the help of Chris Smith who was an integral factor in their win the first time these two teams met. Starting right before halftime, when it appeared obvious that this would be no blowout, a chorus of “who needs Chris Smith?” began to resonate from the stands. There to cheer his team on, Chris Smith and friends let them know that they were still the giant killers they always were. Holding true to form, the Joes and their stalwart Tom Nikoletopoulos finished the job in style when J.P. Mancini knocked down a pass intended for the end zone on the last play of the game to seal it.
Incredible Win
I’ve heard a lot of talk around the league comparing Greg Stern’s mechanics to those of Steve Young. Now, I mean, he’s good. But he’s no Greg Stern. The Incredibles had a great game with 6 different receivers pitching in with a catch and complementing that with some pretty stellar defense. 3 sacks and 2 INTs made for a tough night for Tyrant passers John Kaliotzakis and Andre Frederick. The two combined for only 7 completions. Frederick started taking snaps late in the game when the team was looking for a spark. Too little too late was the case, however, and The Incredibles move on.
Interviews
This week I interview Francois Raymond and Derek Lefebvre after their big upset win over the Vikings, I talk to Jason Lachapelle about how it feels to run more in one game than I have in my entire life, Ben Joseph proves there is a brand of hair gel that can stand up to an FPF game, and Greg Stern asks me where he can buy a fake ID in case The Incredibles win the championship and there’s champagne at the celebration.
Also, don’t forget to check in with “The Goal Line Stand” on week 14 to see the blooper reel of all my interviews throughout the season. It will make you laugh, cry, and most importantly, it will force management to consider abolishing this segment for eternity.
By The Numbers
This week’s edition of “By The Numbers” takes a numeric approach to the numerals numbered ‘neath this nonsense. Naming all this numerology numbs my knuckles.
0: Number of rushing touchdowns this week.
1: Number of QBs not throwing an INT this week (Francois Raymond).
2: Number of QBs throwing pick-6’s this week (John Kaliotzakis and Mathieu Domon).
3: Average point differential for games in which the two teams had already played each other.
4: Percent of rushes resulting in a QB sack.
5: Number of teams with whose average yards per reception was over 10.
6: Number of teams scoring 20 points or more.
7: Highest PDs this week by both The Incredibles and Tyrants.
8: Percent differentiating touchdown efficiency in the Average Joes/Clockwork game (%18.75 vs. %10.71)
9: Number of passing yards separating Maximum Carnage and Les Affreux.
10: Extra points scored this week by all teams (Not including safeties).
Third-Round Round-Up
Conference A
(3) The Incredibles vs. (7) UFF: The Incredibles took these teams’ week 2 matchup by six points (the difference was extra points, not a TD). As close as that was, spectators should expect an even closer game this time around. Athleticism vs. athleticism, these two young and dynamic teams should provide for an exciting game. Despite very different records, these two teams are eerily similar. Mobile and solid QBs, a terrifying deep threat, and a youthful exuberance which is obvious are all qualities both these teams share. Grab your tickets now, this is going to be a shoot-out.
Key matchup to watch: Deep ball vs. deep ball.
My pick: The Incredibles
Conference B
(2) Maximum Carnage vs. (6) Average Joes: One should expect this to be a very different kind of game from the Conference A semi-final. Whereas I think offense should win that one, defense is going to win this one. Both teams are going to have to rely on their key players’ ability to make the big play at a vital moment à la Bryan Mongeau or Ben Joseph. I see these teams scoring less than 40 points between them in a trudging, gritty game.
Key matchup to watch: Maximum Carnage’s personnel placement on defense vs. Tom Nikoletopoulos’ ability to find the soft spots in zones.
My pick: Average Joes
There are 2 weeks of football left. Which means there are only 2 articles left. That means it’s more important than ever for you to contact me at [email protected] if you want me to mention your name, consequentially making you the talk of your friends for 20 minutes. 30 minutes if I say something negative.