The Goal Line Stand (Div 5) – Week 8
07-03-2012 12:00 AM
We held a small referendum this week to see if my entire article should be translated into French. As you can tell, the “No” side won. But it was close. 50.58% of players voted against translation.
Because of the confusion, future similar votes will require a clear question with a clear majority to be recognized as valid.
Something else that isn’t so clear is the current playoff picture. With two more weeks of nothing but divisional play, here’s how things sit as of right now:
Legend
‘ : Clinched Playoffs
* : Clinched Division
^ : Clinched Conference
Conference A
|
Conference A |
Points |
Wins |
+/- |
Divisional |
|
|
1 |
No Regard * |
15 |
7 |
89 |
1-0-0 |
|
2 |
Mean Machine ‘ |
14 |
7 |
125 |
1-0-0 |
|
3 |
Coyotes ‘ |
13 |
6 |
89 |
0-1-0 |
|
4 |
La Sauce * |
12 |
6 |
117 |
1-0-0 |
|
5 |
Flying Comics |
12 |
6 |
126 |
1-0-0 |
|
6 |
Mustangs du Gridiron |
10 |
5 |
70 |
1-0-0 |
|
7 |
Centurions |
10 |
5 |
37 |
1-0-0 |
|
8 |
Big Birds |
10 |
5 |
47 |
0-1-0 |
|
9 |
Mudsharks |
8 |
4 |
50 |
1-0-0 |
|
10 |
TCO |
6 |
3 |
11 |
1-0-0 |
|
11 |
Pendant Publishing |
6 |
3 |
-4 |
0-1-0 |
|
12 |
Dark Knights |
6 |
3 |
-57 |
0-1-0 |
|
13 |
Team CoreXcellence |
4 |
2 |
-78 |
0-1-0 |
|
14 |
Blue Mountain State |
4 |
2 |
-90 |
0-1-0 |
|
15 |
Love Cows |
2 |
1 |
-85 |
0-1-0 |
|
16 |
Marvels |
2 |
1 |
-149 |
0-1-0 |
Conference A Breakdown:
East: 3, 6, 9, 11 (2/4)
West: 2, 5, 8, 15 (3/4)
North: 4, 10, 14, 16 (1/4)
South: 1, 7, 12, 13 (2/4)
Conference B
|
Conference B |
Points |
Wins |
+/- |
Divisional |
|
|
1 |
Les Buddays ‘ |
14 |
7 |
149 |
1-0-0 |
|
2 |
Checkmate ‘ |
12 |
6 |
74 |
1-0-0 |
|
3 |
Affreux |
10 |
5 |
54 |
1-0-0 |
|
4 |
Warhawks |
8 |
4 |
-2 |
1-0-0 |
|
5 |
Team Ethnik |
11 |
5 |
46 |
0-1-0 |
|
6 |
Lockdown |
10 |
5 |
22 |
1-0-0 |
|
7 |
Thunder |
9 |
4 |
40 |
1-0-0 |
|
8 |
Tyrants |
9 |
4 |
-7 |
0-1-0 |
|
9 |
Spartans |
7 |
3 |
52 |
0-1-0 |
|
10 |
Js |
6 |
3 |
-19 |
1-0-0 |
|
11 |
Green Lantern Corps |
6 |
3 |
-68 |
1-0-0 |
|
12 |
Takers |
6 |
3 |
-19 |
0-1-0 |
|
13 |
Crooklyn Dodgers |
6 |
3 |
-41 |
0-1-0 |
|
14 |
Venom |
4 |
2 |
-63 |
0-1-0 |
|
15 |
Tailgates |
2 |
1 |
-208 |
0-1-0 |
|
16 |
Predators |
2 |
1 |
-244 |
0-1-0 |
Conference B Breakdown:
East: 3, 7, 12, 15 (2/4)
West: 4, 10, 14, 16 (1/4)
North: 1, 5, 11, 13 (2/4)
South: 2, 6, 7, 9 (3/4)
But don’t judge this book by its cover yet. If reading Pride and Prejudice has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes books with awesome looking covers can be as boring as church.
Weekly Recap
Superheroes Beat Crooks
Green Lantern Corps beat the Crooklyn Dodgers Wednesday night in their own back yard. In the bosom of St-Leonard, Jerson Previllon had just enough in him to lead his team passed the Dodgers. It was a disappointing outing for the Dodgers, as two of their more established players (Erminio Iadeluca and Tony Testa) did not make the game. One could reasonably ask if these two players would have even made a difference; the Crooklyn Dodgers are, by their own standards, underperforming. They’re on the outside of the playoff picture looking in and the window is starting to get foggy. Green Lantern Corps is in the same boat except for the fact that they are a roster of relative unknowns – with exceptions. This may have been the last hurrah of the season for the confusingly black-shirted Green Lanterns; they face Team Ethnik and Les Buddays in the upcoming weeks.
No Regard Slay Dark Knights
I still stand by what I said last week about the Dark Knights being a better team when Chris Rivest has a good running game. I just never said 5 sacks against wasn’t as impactful. Similarly, two Dark Knight QBs only had 12 throwing attempts between them. No Regard’s defense must have been stifling. It’s hard to lose a game when your QB has twice the attempts as the other. The Dark Knights’ playoff hopes may be close to over but No Regard is doing their best to earn a #1 seed. They have the Coyotes between their crosshairs. Both teams (No Regard and Coyotes) can very conceivably finish the season 9-0-1 based on their upcoming schedules. This leaves it up to the tie-breaker. The Red Hot Chili Peppers have a song entitled “True Men Don’t Kill Coyotes.” I think No Regard would re-title it as “Kill Coyotes… #NOREGARD.”
By the Numbers
Last week’s BTN informed you that the Takers returned all 4 of their INTs for TDs. What it didn’t tell you was that I ignored all 4 of the e-mails I received because I was too busy running from fans. Perhaps a greater focus on my own life would liven up this article a little. Frankly, if you’re still reading after 8 weeks, it’s not because you want to know about football.
3: Number of times I’ve considered switching part-time jobs for this summer (day camp animator, private tutor, bank robber).
9: Average number of minutes for one of my showers. Seems reasonable, except when I tell you I take a 3-hour shower after FPF games.
25: Weekly budget in dollars for non-essentials (gum, movies, soap).
2: Number of girls who claimed not to recognize me from the WEPL in an East-End McDonald’s parking lot. Clearly lying.
Now only because I have to:
25: Percent of throws made by Marvels’ Mohamed Hechmeh that went to the other team. Highest interception percentage this week. 3 of his 6 picks were snatched up by TCO’s Matthew Rupcic.
12: Number of teams scoring 30+ points this week.
10.96875: Average number of tackles per team in week 8. Lowest all season.
96: Rushing yards for the Takers’ Duqueslin Pierre-Louis. Most this week.
252: Difference between highest passing yardage (Lockdown’s Gianfranco Ranaudo, 264) and lowest passing yardage (Dark Knights’ Chris Rivest/Chartrand, 12) this week.
8: Number of teams with 3+ sacks this week (Affreux, Crooklyn Dodgers, Green Lantern Corps, Js, Marvels, Mustangs du Gridiron, No Regard, Thunder).
97/51: Touchdown-to-Interception ratio this week.
1: Number of people with perfect quarterback rating this season (as a full-time QB); congrats to Centurions’ Simon Richard for this accomplishment.
Power Rankings
Now that everyone’s had time to mull over the idea of Power Spankings, it’s time to get serious once again. And by serious I mean an arbitrary lineup of ten Division 5 teams that I insert in and out of slots faster than a rich American’s trip to Bangkok. These rankings will have you loving me long time.
1. No Regard (7-0-1): They officially move into 1st in the Power Rankings. Only three of their seven wins have come against teams with winning records. I have no opinion.
2. Les Buddays (7-1): They remain an excellent team. But I can no longer justify keeping No Regard out of 1st.
3. La Sauce (6-2): They’ve improved in the second half of the season. Those hired guns are really firing.
4. Mean Machine (7-1): This team has been so strong this season, I’m dubbing them the « AA » Squad. (See last Winter)
5. Coyotes (6-1-1): All rookie teams must face adversity at some point. The Feder brothers will find a way to keep the pack together.
6. Checkmate (6-2): Will have to prove themselves against the “neighbourhood friendly” Lockdown.
7. Flying Comics (6-2): They’ve flown down the power rankings, but a strong last few weeks can turn things back around.
8. Team Ethnik (5-2-1): There’s no shame losing to Les Buddays. Besides dropping 2 spots in the Power Rankings of course.
9. Les Affeux (5-3): Why aren’t the writers talking about them? They’ve won 4 in a row!
10. Mustangs du Gridiron (5-3): Beating the Coyotes in the Game of the Week earns them this spot.
Consider yourselves ranked.
Predictions
A lot of Division 1 and 2 players believe in the Mayan prediction that the end of the world will occur in the very near future. I find it hard to believe that they could predict the end of the world more than a millennium into the future but not the drought that lead to the end of their own civilization in the 9th century.
Last week’s predictions saw me go 4-1, bringing my overall record to 23-6-1. This week I predict that my predictions will be predicated on predictive predictors and be much less predictable but will, in fact, ignore the Predators.
1. TCO vs. La Sauce: TCO’s two-game winning streak will come to an end. La Sauce will win their last 4 games of the season.
2. Pendant Publishing vs. Mustangs du Gridiron: Both these teams have long names, and the Mustangs are getting hot when it counts (the playoff season, not these bikini season).
3. Tailgates vs. Affreux: Les Affreux have quietly won 4 games in a row. Make it 5.
4. Spartans vs. Tyrants: The Spartans are the victim of a very tough division. The Tyrants will win and the Spartans’ playoff hopes will fade because of it.
5. Coyotes vs. Mudsharks: The Coyotes have to be disappointed with last week’s loss. They’ll make up for it.
—————————————————-
One of the logos I received this week in response to my “best logo” contest was from J.D. Joly of Les Affreux. “Affreux” roughly translates to “terrible, awful, or horrible” in English.
J.D. sent me a picture of myself.
I’m choosing to interpret this in the ironic sense; in the same vein that Les Affreux have adopted it as their nametag.
Also it’s my new profile picture.
Continue to send questions, comments, and oil paintings on canvas of yours truly to me at [email protected]. However there’s no longer a need for people to e-mail about volunteering to proofread my article before I send it in. I’ve discovered a new foolproof system. I let my girlfriend read it, and if it leaves her confused and unsatisfied, I know it’s perfect.
… Kind of reminds me of our evenings together.