The Goal Line Stand (Div 5) – Week 7

 

Last Thursday I was called a D5 supremacist by Daron Basmadjian (who shall remain nameless to protect his identity). This unidentified person was absolutely right. I would do and say and shove anything anywhere to protect this division.

 

Part of the reason I feel this way is because of weeks like the one we just had. Two teams with hitherto untarnished records (Les Buddays and No Regard) now have small mustard stains on their clean white tuxedos. Likewise, two teams who were winless until this weekend (Predators and Marvels) now have a little win to call their own and raise as a family and not care about what others think about having 10 dads but no moms. In your face, gender norms.

 

With these small shakeups in mind, here’s a look at the current playoff picture. Remember, divisional play begins in week 8, so everything is still up for grabs!

 

Conference A		Points	Wins	+/-	Divisional
1	Coyotes	13	6	91	0-0-0
2	No Regard	13	6	63	0-0-0
3	Mean Machine	12	6	100	0-0-0
4	La Sauce	10	5	81	0-0-0
5	Flying Comics	10	5	96	0-0-0
6	Big Birds	10	5	72	0-0-0
7	Mustangs du Gridiron	8	4	68	0-0-0
8	Centurions	8	4	2	0-0-0
9	Mudsharks	6	3	42	0-0-0
10	Pendant Publishing	6	3	-60	0-0-0
11	Dark Knights	6	3	-4	0-0-0
12	TCO	4	2	-8	0-0-0
13	Team CoreXcellence	4	2	-43	0-0-0
14	Blue Mountain State	4	2	-54	0-0-0
15	Love Cows	2	1	-55	0-0-0
16	Marvels	2	1	-130	0-0-0

 

Conference A breakdown:
East: 1, 7, 9, 10 (2/4)
West: 3, 5, 6, 15 (3/4)
North: 4, 12, 14, 16 (1/4)
South: 2, 8, 11, 13 (2/4)

 

 

 

Conference B		Points	Wins	+/-	Divisional
1	Les Buddays	12	6	117	0-0-0
2	Checkmate	10	5	60	0-0-0
3	Affreux	8	4	46	0-0-0
4	Warhawks	6	3	-15	0-0-0
5	Team Ethnik	11	5	78	0-0-0
6	Tyrants	9	4	7	0-0-0
7	Lockdown	8	4	0	0-0-0
8	Spartans	7	3	74	0-0-0
9	Thunder	7	3	4	0-0-0
10	Takers	6	3	-11	0-0-0
11	Crooklyn Dodgers	6	3	-28	0-0-0
12	Venom	4	2	-37	0-0-0
13	Js	4	2	-45	0-0-0
14	Green Lantern Corps	4	2	-81	0-0-0
15	Tailgates	2	1	-172	0-0-0
16	Predators	2	1	-231	0-0-0

 

Conference B breakdown:
East: 1, 9, 10, 15 (1/4)
West: 4, 12, 13, 16 (1/4)
North: 1, 5, 11, 14 (2/4)
South: 2, 6, 7, 8 (4/4)

 

Weekly Recap

 

Les Buddays – Leur première défaite

By Simon Dagenais

Pour ceux d’entre vous qui suivait Les Buddays l’hiver passé, leurs deux défaites de la saison semble leur avoir appris beaucoup plus que leurs 8 victoires. Ceci étant dit, mercredi passé, au nouveau dôme du Stade Hébert, La Sauce ont tenté de leur apprendre une leçon. Et ont réussi. Une excellente partie qui aurait définitivement pu aller dans n’importe quel sens. Une partie serrée jusqu’à la fin avec un magnifique pick-six de Joe Mainville-Tessier de La Sauce pour clore les espoirs des Buddays. Néanmoins, nous n’enlèverons pas l’excellente partie que François Raymond a eu ; 169 verges, 4 TD en 10 passes, il sait ou et quand lancer, ça on peut pas le nier. Je prévois que les deux équipes finiront avec la même fiche cette saison ; 8-2. J’espère assister à un “rematch” en playoffs. (Finale de D5, peut-être.)

 

Are the Dark Knights the Dark Horses of Winter 2012?

 

The Dark Knights were fed a CARBone-heavy diet this week as Anthony Carbone threw 6 TDs – 3 of which were to his brother, Michael Carbone. Despite Checkmate putting up 40 big points, the story here is about the Dark Knights. This team has gone 1-4 after starting 2-0. Many predicted this team to win their division despite it being so tough. This team has to win their next two games in order to guarantee themselves a spot in the playoffs. With the way they’re playing, though, it seems like an impossibility for them to beat either No Regard or the Centurions. Perhaps they need to relocate their running game. In the first two games of the season, Chris Rivest rushed for 80 and 75 yards respectively. His rushing stats have diminished ever since.    

 

Blue Mountain in State of Delirium

 

Kevin Gauthier completed almost 70% of his passes to beat Team Ethnik 19-16 this week. Despite being a defensive battle, the game was quite exciting as the QB’s exchanged two INTs each. This game marked several season highs for Gauthier: most completions, yards, completion %, and QB rating. His 16 completions and 138 yards were also career highs. Team Ethnik has to be disappointed with the outcome, as they were heavily favored. The worst part for them is that it doesn’t get any easier next week. They take on arguably the best team in Division 5 in Les Buddays. They’ll make the playoffs regardless, but this may cause a serious damper on their spirits.

 

By the Numbers

 

Statistics Canada asked me to work for them after they saw all the vague and pointless stats I’ve been able to smash together in this article week after week. But I told them I’d rather write things people actually read. Besides, their company FPF team sucks.

 

73: Number of rushing yards for Checkmate’s Anthony Carbone. Most this week. Seems to be a recurring theme this year.
100: Percent of interceptions returned for TDs by the Takers this week. Significant because there were 4 of them.
9: Number of PDs by the Predators. Most this week.
3.5: Average number of TDs scored this week per team. Highest so far.
7: Number of teams with over 200 yards passing this week: Thunder (268), Coyotes (267), Tailgates (260), TCO (239), Marvels (234), Mustangs du Gridiron (227) & Warhawks (204). 
144.38: QB rating of Mustangs du Gridiron’s Simon Vallee. Highest this week. 
18: Number of tackles made by the Warhawks. Most this week. Led by Joel Watson (8) and Chris Olson (7).
4.16: Percentage of plays resulting in sacks by all teams. Highest so far this season.

 

Also, “stats” is a palindrome.

 

Power Rankings

 

As I was writing the header for this section this week, I realized that I wrote “Power Spankings” instead of “Power Rankings.” I figured it was just a humorous typo that deserved a chuckle and nothing more. But then I thought of the famous apple hitting Isaac Newton in the head, shortly preceding his description of the law of universal gravitation and a minor concussion. Maybe this slip up was my apple. Maybe I’ve just discovered a new form of punishment that the disciplinary committee could use in lieu of suspensions. Maybe…

 

1. Les Buddays (6-1): Their record may not be as good as the teams in 2^nd and 3^rd, but they remain the best team in the league. 

2. No Regard (6-0-1): We’ve all grown accustomed to the Facebook posts. Without them something is missing…

3. Coyotes (6-0-1): Granted they’ve had a relatively easier schedule than most teams, the Coyotes have made it count.

4. La Sauce (5-2): They’ve won 5 of their last 6. Convincingly.

5. Mean Machine (6-1): Have exactly 100 more points for than against. No surprise they’re 6-1.

6. Team Ethnik (5-1-1): Their loss to Blue Mountain State is a serious stumbling block.

7. Checkmate (5-2): Beating Dark Knights not only boosts them to the top of B South, but it also forces Chris Rivest and company to ask themselves difficult questions.

8. Flying Comics (5-2): Did the unimaginable and beat the Warhawks on the back of Jonathan Brown.

9. Tyrants (4-2-1): They are single-handedly responsible for the boring past few days on the Facebook wall. You ruined my Sunday morning. 

10. Big Birds (5-2): They beat the J’s. But the question still remains: were they ever a legitimate 4-0 team?

 

Then again, power spankings wouldn’t really discourage misbehavior if G.M. Kolethras is the one in charge of administering such punishment. Frankly, I’d do something stupid every week.    

 

Predictions

 

I went 2-2-1 last week bringing me to 19-5-1. Relative to the conditions I’ve created for myself, this is absolutely horrendous. Luckily, like professional sports analysts, I get paid regardless. Unlike professional sports analysts, though, I get paid in free movie rentals and backrubs.

 

With my weekly earnings I rented Forrest Gump on Friday. His “life is like a box of chocolates” motto due to the fact that “you never know what you’re going to get” struck me as total bull feces. Even with a box of chocolates you can deduce approximately what you’re about to consume. You will not, for example, get a chocolate covered syringe from 1960s South-Central Harlem. Just like the Marvels will not beat TCO in week 8.

 

1. Marvels vs. TCO: TCO beat a good Dodgers team. They’ll beat the Marvels too. (Can someone from TCO e-mail me to tell me what TCO stands for? For now, we’ll have to trust the buzz around the league that suggests it means The Coconut Oil.)

2. No Regard vs. Dark Knights: Dark Knights are on a slippery slope. No Regard will win.

3. Big Birds vs. Mean Machine: Big Birds have not been successful against teams with winning records. Don’t expect that to change.

4. Mustangs du Gridiron vs. Coyotes: The dogs will beat the horses in the Game of the Week.

5. J’s vs. Venom: This is a tough game to predict but the J’s will pull one out here.

 

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Here’s your weekly dose of Simon Dagenais. It’s like the medicine your mom used to force you to take when you were sick, except it tastes a little better and you’re allowed to operate heavy machinery immediately after reading.

 

Respect

By Simon Dagenais

That one word, that one thing so hard to earn that we can lose so easily. Fragile, yet precious. Rare are those who can act and live without it, even though they pretend they can. I understand the importance of winning and also understand the importance of playing for fun. Both can be achieved in a single game, believe it or not. At some point, scoring becomes “dull”, at which point maybe you should consider stopping. No one likes to lose games by 6-8 scores. It’s a recreational league, players play to have fun. Put yourself in their shoes for once, and try to live losing a game that badly.

 

I’m not one to point fingers at people, but sometimes it is needed. I had a lot of respect for Mustangs du Gridiron, fighting hard and playing their game. When I saw Saturday’s score; 64-0, most of that respect vanished. I’m saying this because it isn’t the first time it has happened, and probably not the last in FlagPlus Football. There was another 52-0 (Flying Comics over Predators) game this week and there again, it wasn’t a needed score. You do not need to take your week’s anger nor the season’s onto a team. When you are leading a game 36-0 at halftime, everyone can say the game’s pretty much over. Of course, we’re paying, we won’t surrender, we’re here to play, but there’s ways to play that doesn’t involve scoring. Have the QB run more often, practice new trick plays that aren’t that effective, even try a new QB.

 

It saddens me to see this happen in the lower divisions where stronger teams face less experienced teams. Is it really needed? Winning 36-6 is still a huge win, yet the other team will feel like they accomplished something more than just getting destroyed on a Saturday night. All I’m saying is, have sportsmanship, have respect for your opponents. They might not be your level, or have your experience with a football, but that doesn’t mean you have to nail them down. Win, yes, but show respect when it comes down to the scoreboard a little.

 

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Look, if you’re not going to e-mail me, I’ll find a league that will. I need the evidence that people are reading. My hit counter is broken because it always hovers around 4 or 5. And I know Kolethras and Dagenais each read it twice.

 

[email protected] is where you can write to. In fact, don’t just write. Attach a picture of your team logo if you have one. If I get enough submissions, we’ll have a vote to decide on the best logo.

 

N.B. If you’re going to make an impromptu logo in a few minutes just so that you have something to submit, no penises.