Steroids, Photography and a Teenager’s First Strip Club

Peeze’s Playbook

By Paolo Della Rocca

Week 3

So at this point, would anyone truly be surprised if Tom Brady was caught in a steroid scandal? In my mind it will not change my opinion that he’s the best I’ve ever seen. However, some facts are hard to look past.

As he’s aged his accuracy on deep passes has improved by a good deal. This is usually an indicator that a quarterback is on the decline. He is 41 years old and playing the game at it’s highest level. The last time we saw a quarterback playing in his 40’s was Steve Deberg. By 199 Steve DeBerg looked as though he needed a walker after taking a hit. To believe that Tom Brady is this good without the help of pharmaceuticals is to believe as many did that Lance Armstrong was better than everyone else who was cheating, while doing it clean. I get that he’s got a diet of lettuce and avocado ice cream but let’s not be naive. Tom Brady had a doctor that followed the team and worked in the facility who was found to be not an actual doctor and that most of his work was with Tom Brady. He was removed for a short while during the season by coach Bill Bellichick. All of this reminds me a great deal of Alex Rodriguez’s trainer who’s job it was to inject Rodriguez’s ass with “youth juice”.

In the end, steroids would not have made Brady a more intelligent player or allow him to read the field the way he does. We may never truly know at the end of his career whether or not he received illicit help. However, if the does prove to be the case, it will be the second time we will be discussing deflated balls in his career.

Weekly Recap

Division 6

Sweet Leaves Tough on Lungs

Being down in the first half by a score of 18-6 can be hard on a QB’s psyche. This is especially true when you throw an interception shortly after your team secured the ball for you on defense with an interception of their own. Tough Lung’s Matthew Lerner took it in stride and did not let it get to him in the slightest. Tough Lungs defense kept the game close noteably with interceptions from Daron Migdesyan and Olivier Doleyras and a pick 6 from Justin Lerner. Justin Lerner was who brother Matthew predictably leaned on throughout the game. His three touchdowns would go unmatched and Tough Lungs would go on to beat Farmers 30-25.

From the Farmers perspective we are eternally asking ourselves what this team “could” look like. It seems like I’m a broken record (a reference that is fast losing context in a world run by the curated playlists of Spotify), but this team is missing key players on their roster and at the moment are simply not built to compete. Corey Greenaway is a legitimate shut down defender and Matthew Lerner would not have been able to keep taking the shots he was taking for much of this game. If the roster remains as is we’ll see more of Benoit Robidoux rely on old, bad habits such as running backward and chucking up a prayer or using only Simon Viens, Maxime Potvin and David St. Louis instead of his entire complement of receivers.

Band of Cousins

Before the season started, I thought that Anthony Bozzo leading Cugi squad would make them an instant contender. So far, I’ve been very wrong. That’s ok as I’m fairly Bozzo has completed double digit passes. The suspension of Vincent Vincelli has not helped in the least. Now with a record of 0-3, we see Anthony Bozzo relying too heavily on Richard Bozzo who has 20 catches into three games while the next receiver down the line has 2. This was clearly on display in week 3 where Richard Bozzo caught all but one of Anthony Bozzo’s pass attempts. With FPF ever evolving it is difficult for teams to miss seasons and come back to expect success. Cugi Squad are learning that lesson so far this season.

Conversely, Goon Squad have looked solid this season. Their two wins have been tight but Goon squad have the makings of a team that wins close games and prefers them to games where they are under constant pressure to score. Rebounding from the beating they took at the hands of the U, Goon Squad looked poised and in control in week 3.

Not Even Obi Wan Kenobi

Seth Galina and co. seem without hope as the Hopeful Division 6 Champions are seemingly swimming upstream in every matchup. I’m sure that the Hopeful Div 6 Champs were licking their chops at a chance to get at the struggling guardians. The game did not start well. Seth Galina seemed panicked from the outset and struggled to make reads, Daniel Marceux seems to have a hard time snapping the ball when his QB yells hut and this resulted in procedure penalties and even when things did get rolling for this team there were countless drops and miss-steps. A wide open drop nullified a would be touchdown to Karel “Robocop” Houde Hebert and even the steady handed Sergio Sicoli dropped a walk in convert. The problems for HD6C are vast and mounting. Seth Galina seems to lack faith in his receiving corps and they have done little to help him. Other than a well-placed side-arm toss to the crossing Charles Migner, there wasn’t a lot this team could take from this matchup.

The Guardians conversely looked very good. Kevin Marcil’s ability to take off when he needs to and get yards is impressive and it even resulted in the Guardians second touchdown on the day. Michel Lecompte had a great day and on top of his touchdown he also made a beautiful catch on a slant that was overthrown by a large amount. On defense, Guardians gave Seth Galina several different looks and seemed to confuse the FPF veteran. The towering Michel Ladoucer took throwing lanes away on each rush to the quarterback and they allowed no more than 9 completions on route to a 24-6 win over Hopeful Division 6 Champions.

Weekly Recap

Division 6D

Bold Brews

Off the bat I’d like to say that I like the Brewers uniforms. They’re as yellow as a pilsner and their logo is a dude driveng beer. If looks could kill these guys would be stone cold killers. However, looks can’t and for the most part they looked as though they were struggling against DGC. Mathieu Porier struggled mightily as he threw three interceptions. His release is slow and his passes float dangerously. DGC made him pay to the tune of three interceptions. One such pass was on a one play drive that was ended by an under thrown pass that was cut off by Andrew Di Mele. On defence they were able to hold the DGC offence for a while. The first half ended with a 13-7 lead for DGC but the Brewers were still in the mix. James Moulton and Frank Iancosta intercepted passes and while one was a ball that should have been caught by a DGC reciever, the Brewers aggressive style was paying off.

The bigger issue with the Brewers defence. Playing only man to man defence is difficult for teams in FPF. Crossing routes and well planned play designs allow players to make plays in open space. Stef Fennes had issues moving the ball in the first half but it gave him an entire 22 minutes and 5 plays to make assessments regarding his matchups. Once he got to the redzone in the second half, Fennes dissected the Brewers. One such play was on a deep in across the back end zone where Andrew Di Mele broke free for an early, second half touchdown. This was one of two for Di Melo and it added to the touchdown catches by Massimo and David Cannucci as well as Mathew Mercuri. DGC wins 32-13.

Attrition of the Eyes

Some games are difficult to watch. While teams in the lower divisions improve each season, the largest proliferation of these games does tend to be in division 6 and 6D. A game that ended in a 6-6 tie with less than 10 first half completions (combined between both teams). 420 Blazin’ (Team 4th and Twenty) continue to have difficulty moving the ball. Quarterback Vince Menniti was under pressure all game long and he gave up three sacks to Martin Gagnon-Dorval. When he wasn’t being sacked he struggled with accuracy. Menniti improved in the second half and connected with Erik Ciaccia on his only catch of the day which would be a 7 yard touchdown.

This game got a little chirpy as Menniti led his receiver on an out and there was a big collision between the receiver and the Replacement’s Alexandre Laroque. This penalty, the drops, the false starts and the errant throws all led Alexandre Laroque to mimic a shotgun as he pretended to blast while indicating that the Replacements were shooting themselves in the foot. Replacements Quarterback Frank Teoli-Colatrella had a very difficult outing. It improved in the second half as he turned toward a more methodical approach this allowing The Replacements to move the ball down the field and he connected with Jean-Pierre Nahra for his only touchdown of the game. The biggest issue with the Replacement’s offence (more so than poorly developing plays and sub par execution) was the gameplay that had them attempting to solidify a running game. This is not a strategy that works in FPF as having a running back has been shown to defend easily and makes the defence responsible for one les receiver. I had this conversation with Frank Teoli-Colatrella and he seems receptive to learning the ropes in FPF. I’m not terribly worried down the line for the Replacements but as for week 3, it would end with an uncomfortable 6-6 tie.

Power Rankings

Division 6

The U (3-0) (last week: 2): I’m impressed with the U thus far. Their defense has recorded 7 sacks and 7 interceptions thus far this season. This team looks to be the top of the class.
Vick in a Box (3-0) (last week: unranked): Max Burah is a phenome. As long as Styles Trudeau can keep throwing up the ball, Max Burah will go get it at it’s highest point.
Pension Plan (3-0) (last week: 3): Pension Plan used their experience and intelligence to take down a more athletic Blitz Babes team. These are the kind of games I thought PP would lose.
Fighting Flamingos (3-0) (last week 1): A +/- of 53 through 3 games is impressive. However the last two weeks were a little underwhelming considering how dominant I expected this team to be.
Practice Squad (2-1) (last week: unranked): Practice Squad have only allowed 15 points in the last two weeks. If this continues it will lead to wins.
Channel 4 News Team (3-0) (last week: unranked): I’ve ignored C4NT till this point. However, I will say that they need to show us a little more to be taken seriously. They have not lost a game so far but have won those games with an average margin of victory of 3 points.
Los Banditos (2-1) (last week: 6): The offense still seems a little unrefined to my eye. With 8 touchdowns scored and 4 interceptions thrown, Francois Desrochers needs to get this offense on track soon or this team will see more difficult days ahead.
2 Flags, 1 Cup (2-1) (last week: unranked): From week to week I don’t know what to make of this team. Alex Desluariers, Ryan Vanslet, Samuel Paquette and Andrew Vanslet have all scored multiple touchdowns into 4 weeks.

Others Receiving Votes

Tough Lungs (2-0): Matthew “You gonna learn today!” Lerner throws a few too many deep balls into coverage to be truly effective. The small sample size has rewarded him thus far.
Blitz Babes (1-2): These babes linger just long enough for you to get caught. They are the type of team that hang around just long enough for you to lose to them.

Division 6D

Air Force 1 (3-0) (last week: 1): Much like a teenager in his first strip club, it’s early but Air Force 1 is soaring.
Sick Bick: (3-0) (last week: 2): Sick_Bick are the only team with a triple digit +/-. At this point I may be forced to move them to the one spot if this play continues.
Ball so Hard U (3–0) (last week 3)– Feels odd to move a team after a forfeit win. Therefore, I’ll take the easy way out and leave them where they’re at.
Vultures (2-1) (last week:6): Vultures have one of the hardest schedules in D6. To emerge after picture week with a 2-1 record is impressive
Quackers (2-1) (last week: 5): Sweet jerseys; sweeter still is knowing they can keep up with the extremely skilled Air force 1. Alexandre Crouteau scored 3 touchdowns in the week 3 tussle.
A Determiner (3-0) (last week: 5): After shutting out Replacements in week 1, A Determiner beat Brewers 32-13. They now have to deal with an injury to Phillipe Tremblay, we’ll see what impact that will have in the coming weeks.
Green Monster (3-0) (last week 8): Jason De Souza has thrown only 7 touchdowns as compared to 5 interceptions. Moreover, 288 yards in 3 games is unimpressive. I want to take you guys seriously so step it up Jason “SussSussSussdio” Souza.
Broke Boys (2-1) (last week: unranked): Me gusta papas fritas, bigote de la cabra es Cameron Wilson. Wilson looked fine but if he truly wants to be the goat’s mustache he’ll need to put up a really big game sooner than later.

Others Receiving Votes

Sunday Touch Boys (1-2): They’re better than they’ve showed and their first win marks a step in the right direction.

Rants, Reflections and Ravings

Am I the only one that sees a hall of fame that includes Vlad Guerrero but not Barry Bonds?
Sick Bick’s Benji Zeigler still hasn’t thrown an interception. That’s impressive 3 weeks into the season.
If you notice a photographer on the sidelines, know that he’s not a paparazzo; his name is Sumi and he’s working with us to allow the writers to use more interesting pictures as cover photos for their articles.
If Nick Foles can lead the Eagles to a Superbowl win over Tom Brady and the Patriots I’d be surprised.
I’ve been talking a lot about Vick in a box’s Max Burah but Luis Begin has quietly put up similar numbers. After 3 games he has 16 catches, 256 yards and has scored 6 touchdowns for Clinkers.
A Determiner are 3-0 and have not allowed more than two scores in any game. The is a huge step up from their Cette Equipe La days.
Don’t look now but Zach Jauniaux has thrown for 11 touchdowns and has only thrown 4 interceptions. ZJ is looking more and more like a quarterback each week.
Pine Riderz Alex Noivo led division 6D in rushing yards this week. Pine Riderz will need him to improve as a passer if they are to be successful.
Francois Martin takes every opportunity to take shots at your’s truly however he’s been replaced as QB of his own franchise. That Diablo dosen’t have the horns to run with me.
After a rough week one when they lost to Tough Lungs, Practice Squad have embarked on a 2 game winning streak.

Predictions and other Lies

I had a great week predicting games. After going 7-3 and watching Brent Bodkin pick 5-5 in division 6, I have now even the score as Bodkin and I are tied at 11-9. However, I did take him to the cleaners and that dude’s going to pay for my new bathroom if week 3 is a representative sample. In D6D I went 8-2 while Brent once again went 5-5. He remains at 10-10 while my record stands at 14-6. Remember you can always show Brent what you think the layout to my new bathroom should be by tweeting him @BadNews51.

Here are our picks for week 4

Home	Away	Peeze’s Pick	Brent’s Pick
Not Fast, Just Furious	Farmers	Farmers	Farmers
Flonkerton	2 Flags, 1 Cup	2 Flags, 1 Cup	2 Flags, 1 Cup
The U	Vick in a Box	Vick in a Box	The U
Blitz Babes	The Potatoes	Blitz Babes	The Potatoes
Hopeful Division 6 Champions	Cugi Squad	Hopeful Division 6 Champions	Cugi Squad
Los Banditos	Clinkers	Los Banditos	Los Banditos
Channel 4 News Team	Pension Plan	Pension Plan	Pension Plan
Practice Squad	Diablos	Practice Squad	Diablos
Bruins	The Pack	Bruins	The Pack
Goon Squad	Guardians	Goon Squad	Goon Squad
Sticknmoverz	One Speed: Power	n/a	OSP
Tough Lungs	Fighting Flamingos	Fighting Flamingos	n/a

Division 6D

Home	Away	Peeze’s Pick	Brent’s Pick
Replacements	Brewers	Brewers	Replacements
Pine Riderz	Broke Boys	Broke Boys	Broke Boys
Goat Depot	À Déterminer	A Determiner	A Determiner
DGC	Here for the Beer	DGC	Here for the Beers
Quackers	Vultures	Quackers	Quackers
Air Force 1	Sunday Touch Boys	Air Force 1	Air Force 1
Ball So Hard U.	Sick_bick	Sick Bick	BSHU
Krakens	Raw Sauce	Krackens	Krackens
Baker Boys	Fourth & Twenty	Fourth & Twenty	4th and Twenty
Green Monster	BlackSox	Green Monster	Green Monster

Saturday’s Supportive Strippers

With one week of games before we go into the Super Bowl bye week (an FPF tradition). However, while we wait for the next division 6 games, I will put out two articles in that span. One will be a typical article with the segment’s you’ve come to expect and another that will break down the performances of all Division 6 and 6D teams.

For further analysis, tune in to the official FPF podcast Calling the Audible, where Moe Khan Simon Dagenais and I work to annoy GM Koletheras as we discuss the first dates on the worst products promoted on radio row, the sadness represented by an empty jacuzzi and the ideal price for a huge bottle of champagne. Tune in to Facebook live on the FPF Facebook page on Thursday nights at 7:00pm, watch it later on www.youtube.com/flagplus or download the podcast on iTunes or Podomatic!

Thank you all, falettinme be mice elf agin.