Peeze’s Playbook: Preseason Analysis and Other Lies

Peeze’s Playbook

Preseason

By Paolo Della Rocca

Happy New Year everyone! More importantly, happy New Season! The season is set to begin in a few short hours and hope springs eternal (this is particularly apt as the Championship Finals well be upon us as the start of spring rolls around the corner). Still my thoughts for the moment are on new year’s eve.

I don’t do new year’s resolutions and such because I do feel that if something is important to you, you’ll commit to it without needing a fabricated structure aimed at selling diet pills, nicotine patches and gym memberships. I did want to reflect on my new year’s celebration in particular.

For the first time in years I was not hosting my family and that of my girlfriend’s. So instead of cooking for and cleaning up after 27 people we decided to go to a party at the Hilton in downtown Montreal. It felt nice to check in a few hours before our party and have a few glasses of whisky while watching the Miami Dolphins and Buffalo Bills loosely imitate what football is supposed to look like.

One the party got off I had several pleasures that I thought I may never see again. As the night started my dad posed for a picture wearing two gold painted chains indicating the incoming year. We now call him 2 Chainz. My mom looked as beautiful as she did when we went to similar parties in my youth. We celebrated my brother and his wife disappearing to their room for a little while as we chanted “Nephews!!!! Nephews!!! Nephews!!! In hopes that 2018 would give our families some new members to celebrate. It’s not that I don’t want nieces but come on…everyone reading this article would prefer nephews. But the single best moment was watching my dad, 2 Chainz gettin’ his groove on and dancing the night away like a shaggy Michael Caine.

Another nice moment was when I had a chance to connect with a friend and new FPFer Carlo Sciangula. As he readies for his first season we shared a drink…or two..or nine as he asked questions about the league; clearly amped for his rookie season to start. That exuberance and excitement reminded me why I love covering Division 6. It also reminded me that once the clock turned midnight the season’s start would truly be upon us. I once again felt excited, I once again felt the exuberance and I then blacked out. But when I woke up, the feeling returned. Good luck and have a good season everyone!

Pre-Season Analysis

Here is where I take a gander at all the rosters and teams slated to play in division 6 and 6D. I then preview what I think will be the best features of all teams (you have all season long to showcase the negative features). For many teams in Division 6, I have no idea who you are so I just rambled foolishly. Some may not appreciate this approach to sports journalism but I’m who you’re stuck with so…theres that. Feel free to reach out to me and let me know about your team.

Division 6D

Division 6D is FPF’s developmental league. The idea here was to place new teams and developing struggling teams in one division. It is a new idea that will likely have it’s flaws. FPF is the kind of league that really does listen to it’s players. Please feel free to reach out and talk to us about your experiences. For further information about how the division was split please feel free to read my article on the topic: https://www.flagplusfootball.com/en/news/1776.

Quackers- This is an entirely new team. As you will see with a lot of my breakdowns for many of the teams in division 6D, I won’t have a tone of information so I will base my analysis on how much I like the team name. This conjures images of the popular health cereal of the 1990’s. For those too young to remember the reference is a breakfast cereal by the name of Quaker Oats (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quaker_Oats_Company). While the product still exists and is now owned by Pepsi Co., it is far past it’s heyday. Some may even say that the product’s Mascot is the bad boy version of Captain Crunch. None the less let’s hope this team’s offence intends to be more high octane than the peace loving, historical background of the Quakers.

***edit*** I realize the team is called Quackers but this was far more interesting.

Sunday Touch Boys- After starting their initial foray into FPF as the Expendables it was clear that this talented core had some work to do in terms of learning the ropes in FPF. Their play in Fall was much better and players such as Jason Hervieux, defensive playmaker Damien Jean-Jacques and a pair of capable improving gun slingers (Mark Bellini and Vincent Cosenza). I’d like to see Pat Provencher more involved as he caught 2 touchdowns in his first game of the FPF Cup Season and did not catch another one for the rest of the tournament.

Air Force 1: This is yet another team that I have no idea about. They have a presidential name and their season will likely have all the action packed turns that one would expect of a Harrison Ford joint. While the team is likely named after the airplane and thus, implies a hopeful and powerful air attack, I would like to pretend it reflects the heroism of Fictional President James Marshall. Marshall ranks third in my list of fictional US Presidents. Laura Roslyn was the greatest leader but she was the leader of all remaining human life after the moment of singularity. So this disqualifies her form the list as *spoiler alert* earth didn’t exist yet. As such, the list has Marshall third, Deep Impact’s President Beck at second place, and of course the best fictional leader of the free world was Thomas J Whitmore of Independence Day.

Krackens- This aquatic terror hopes that their aspirations will stay afloat. Anthony Beauchamp-Frezza is an exceptional athlete and the only familiar name on this roster. His quarterback rating is too high to play in division 6 but one will likely see him as a dominant force in Division 6D. This is a team that I will monitor early and often.

Vultures- The Vultures are some of the same faces and names that were memorable from ETC’s inaugural season. They struggled until Juwan Edghill joined the team but his season (and their’s) came to an abrupt end with his torn ACL. However guys like Anthony Drysdale and Darius Allen have joined up with some players more known with their time in higher division TOPSZN (such as Kevin Donnet). Benjamin McMahon is the most exciting player in the division and while I don’t believe in grit and determination as measurable qualities he definitely leads the division in both qualities. Shut up, you’re a contradiction!

Brewers- I’m torn with this team. I am moderately, poorly known for my home brewing (I have made beers for more than half a decade). However, the Milwaukee Brewers have always annoyed me as a baseball franchise. Their logo was a stupid childish baseball mitt and as a colorblind person growing up in the 80’s and 90’s their ridiculous colour scheme infuriated me. Let’s hope that I will think of them as fondly as a west coast styled IPA and not as angrily as a reflection of Robin Yount.

A Determiner- FEAR THE BEARD! I’m serious!!! Gabriel Beland-Lapointe is a vastly improved quarterback and is technically playing in a lower division than usual. He throws a nice ball which is a double edged sword (it’s just as catchable by defenders). If he can stay in the pocket and let his receivers do the work for him AD can be AC where C stands for contender. I know that was terrible but I regret nothing. Finally a player who can truly make a difference for this team is Nicholas Lefebrve who is a great two way player but an absolute wrecking ball on defense.

DGC-Sure DGC’s first two seasons did not see many moments of success. However, the’ve added Stefan Fennes who will be an imidiate improvement on defense and while he wasn’t a great QB in his first few seasons he has improved with experience and his knowledge and playclalling is enough to keep DGC relevant in games. I don’t know if the core of this team is strong enough to truly be a contender just yet but they will be imprved and have the cap sapce to make a mve and add someone if need be.

Here For The Beer- This team struggled in their first season in FPF. They have enlisted the help of the athletic Eric Haniak who will definitely help this team on the defensive side of the ball. Jonathan Angelucci looks to build on a solid season where he recorded 37 catches and 5 touchdowns. I expect a solid season of growth in their second FPF season. If things don’t go that way there’s always beer.

The Replacements– This is perhaps the most over-proposed, over-used team name in FPF. The move on which it is based lacks the gravitas of Any Given Sunday and the Whimsy of Unnecessary Roughness. That said, Keeanu Reeves was the saviour of humanity, at one point and I spent many nights discussing him with a beautiful, yet Reeves obsessed woman in my younger years. So I predict 5-5?

Broke Boys- This team qualified for division 6D as they will likely be hurt by the departure of star two-way player Shamar Joassaint. While Liam Barclay will have a huge impact for Broke Boys it remains to be seen who will emerge as the second part of their 1-2 punch.

Pine Riderz- The Riderz are a relatively unknown team. However, those familiar with the CEGEP football circuit may recognize a few of their players from their playing days at John Abbott. However, with a mix of experienced football players and rookies to the sport, their success is unpredictable. Alex Noivo has played for Pardon my Swag in the past and is the only member of the team who has FPF experience.

Green Monster- This Fenway themed foray into FPF has one familiar name on the roster. Patrick Jazon was a solid possession receiver for FPF Bluebloods Longhorns. This is another team with which we are armed with little information. If Jazon is smart he will have taken what he learned from Coach Dave Allen and Co. and help this team be competitive right away.

Black Sox- Nico Lanni and Mario Falato are quality speed receivers that will start to do serious damage with a season under their belt. With an upgrade at quarterback, after enlisting services after the free agent combine. However, the biggest splash is the re-aquisition of Mike Addona who’s defensive play calling helped transform this team into a competitive team late in the cup season.

Raw Sauce- This team is aptly named as they will come into FPF as raw as it gets. Well as Raw as you can be with solitary player with FPF experience. William Plante has played with Genie, Ghosts and red Sharks and will lead this team of hopefuls into battle. Let’s hope that the sauce wasn’t contaminated and thus will lead to more victories and less visits to the bathroom.

Fourth and Twenty- Team 420 Blazin’ looks to build upon the 3 seasons they’ve spent in FPF. Quarterback Vince Menniti has increased his touchdown total from 18 to 20 to 24. This has not been enough to win games consistently. However, one would expect that the lessons he’s learned thus far will help him improve heading into the W18 season. Erik Ciaccia caught 13 touchdowns in his last campaign with Fourth & Twenty. A repeat would be nice but someone else needs to step up because one player catching more than 50% of the team’s total touchdowns is not a sustainable model.

Sick Bick- I’m not writing your team name all season with an underscore. It’s dumb. What won’t be dumb is if this team of new comers can have an impact right away. It is possible as we’ve seen it as recently as Goofy Goobers inaugural season last winter as they took that first season as an opportunity to visit the finals in their first season. All of this has little to do with these underscored and understated gentlemen. But that’s what happens when I don’t yet know you.

Baker Boys- Marc-Andre Senecal was one of the better dual threat quarterbacks last season. He added 379 rushing yards to his passing attack last season and his TD to int ratio was an impressive 4:1. However, while he only threw 6 interceptions 24 touchdowns is simply not enough to have an effective offence in FPF. He has showed the propensity to be safe with the ball but needs to expand his game to do something a little more for his squad. If they can score more, Baker Boys should

Ball So Hard U– This is a good combination of new players with some familiarity to the game and some more established FPF players. A lot of these players played on Dez Nuts and Kiwi Island. It is unclear who will be throwing the ball so we’ll have to see if he who is charged with balling is one of the team’s plethora of rookies. Anthony Mangione and Jono Mandracchia of having to show this group the ropes.

Goat Depot- Whoever has been given the chore of being the caretaker of a Goat Depot is a greater man than me. Goats have very regular gastro intestinal systems. The smell horribly when grouped together in tight conditions. Moreover, Caprine Arthritis Encephalitis is no joke. It is as deadly to Goats as AIDS is to humans. It makes one wonder, is animal skin can be used to make condoms do they need protection? Yes they do…otherwise they contract CAE. Goat tender has the be the worst job I the world.

Division 6

Division 6 is a communal division. These teams are either teams with a lot of FPF experience or are on the cusp of moving into a higher division, Jesus, just read the previous article whee I explained it!

Here’s what I think about the teams in question:

Cugi Squad– Cugi Squad are a rebranded version of Ecurie Bar et Tables. Anthony Bozzo’s first season at quarterback was impressive. He threw 40 touchdowns and only 5 interceptions. However, this group’s last season together was a 1-9 showing. However, this group has not played together since Winter 2014. The Magic 8-Ball declares that the future seems cloudy.

Channel 4 News Team- Last time C4NT assembled, they had a decent playoff run that ended in an overtime loss. They are a fiery group who can do damage if they can keep their tempers in check. They are a physical team but that won’t intimidate the more experienced teams in Division 6. A name to watch is Ethan Itovich. He only played 6 games last season but he turned 7 catches into 4 touchdowns and he can be a game breaker. This is a team that I have high hopes for. Well, high but not that high, I mean I play in this division too.

Goon Squad- In their last campaign Massimo Chiccini threw 33 TDS and only 1 INT. He also added 414 yards to a fairly effective offensive output. The mobile quarterback did get sacked 18 times and that needs to also improve or this will be what does him in. Their loss came to Channel 4 News Team by two points in the playoffs. The rivalry between the two games will be renewed as they face off in week one of the season. This will undoubtedly be the best game of the division on opening week.

The Potatoes- This is a rebrand of the typically strong NWO. NWO are a very good team but tend to fall apart by the end of the season. However, Michael Sanchez, Samuel Lamonthe and Pietro Mignacca are surrounded by an entirely new cast. As such we don’t know at the moment if this is an NWO upgrade or a cheap knock off akin to the Immortal’ run in WWE. I actually don’t know what that means but that’s what my research brought me to.

The U-The members of the U make a return to FPF after having added Mikey Schwartz. Kyle Pedvis has started to make a name for himself with the Coyotes and the higher division experience will undoubtedly help this team through their Winter 2018 season. They aren’t necessarily attracting attention now but it wouldn’t surprise me if they made noise come playoff time.

Sticknmoverz- Ben Toluch was one of my favourite players on the last Sicknmovers season. He was one of these high efficiency/high output receivers who really made me wonder what if they through him the ball more often. 16 catches is simply not enough for a player who scored 9 touchdowns. The main concern is at the quarterback position as both Matthew Zoltak and Benjamin Szwimmer hade had their difficulty. I don’t have a way to wrap it up so let’s just say…ok?

One Speed:Power (by Simon Dagenais)– Back for their third season, this Peeze Della Reeze led team is proof that no one else would make a team with him but himself. With recent additions in Etienne Vaillancourt who exploded in the Fall season as a monster receiver and a few tweaks to the roster, expect this team to reach new heights. Make no mistake, even with recent acquisitions, One Speed Power remains the Will Power show and although they may have games where he’s not dominant on the stat sheets, he will be their #1 threat all around by years end.

Guardians- This appears to be Kevin Marcil’s second attempt at a serious quarterbacking campaing. However, Striking Samurai’s did not deliver up to expectations. However without Eddy Lee and Etienne Vaillancourt, he may have difficulty putting up a better showing. Marcil needs to learn to make reads on both sides of the field otherwise he will continue to paralyze his own offense. Marcil is an excellent athlete but needs to develop discipline and patience to make a marked leap in his game.

Vick in a Box- Style Turdeau leads a familiar group featuring Daniel Pisaturo, Craig Browning and Max “the Madden Glitch” Burah. This half of the Goofy Goobers are she of the stronger players from last year’s division 6 upstarts. Styles Trudeau is a capable quarterback who needs to adapt to the spacing and concepts of FPF. With the greater part of a season behind him there’s a very good chance we see an improvement right away.

Pension Plan- Anthony Siggia is one of the most improved players in FPF. He has slimmed down and is a much quicker version of his younger self. This isn’t a statement that many can make. Junior Spera is a massive presence at snapper. He is big, strong and his hands may as well be made of glue. Vince Pisano doesn’t have the best deep ball but if he stays patient he can march his team into the redzone where he is remarkably effective.

Blitz Babes- They’ve earned a spot in the higher of the two division 6 brackets. This is due to a great performance in their first season. They are fast and exciting. Their defence was a menace last season and hope to get a little more on the offensive side of the ball in order to truly be competitive. Despite being a little unbalanced this team made it to the quarterfinals last season before getting out classed by a more experienced team. With some tweaks we may be welcoming them to the roadshow.

Hopeful Divison 6 Champs- Seth Galina really understands the game well and his humour is enjoyable to a small minority of people. I happen to be in that minority but I also love Michael Bay movies so my taste can’t be accounted for. He brings a squad of interesting pieces that includes Cory Werner. Werner is an elite rusher who can change the flow of a game. As a guy who has to face him week one all I can say is F@&K You Seth!

Not Fast, Just Furious- Finally, a team that plays each game a quarter mile at the time. After a solid 31 touchdown/14 interception season for Just For the Reps, Jarred Buck showed that he has what it takes to compete. Weirdly, it felt as though his season was better than this. Solid two-way players like Etienne de Blois and Benjamin Bourque return to the Buck brothers as they played as a part of the Spanish Inquisition team.

Diablos- Diablos will be moving down and upgrading at the quarterback positions they move away from Francois Martin at quarterback. Martin’s only major accomplishment was beating Simon Dagenais in a fall cup championship. That’s like being the world’s best carrot cake. Still a cake…I guess. None the less, Alexandre Levesque and Alexandre Noel are immense tools for Division 6.

2 Flags, 1 Cup– The big names on this team are obviously Zach Jauniaux and Alex Deslauriers. Jauniaux has elite speed and as I believe that he will be the pivot on this team, defences will need to account for his ability to take off at any moment. Nicholas Jauniaux was an effective receiver the last time he played a full season with Sea Assassins. I see no reason why these players wouldn’t return to form. Of course I have no reason to believe they will be successful. You 90% of this article is made up.

Bruins– The Bruins were slated to play in division 6D. However, the addition of Gabriel Wiseman at the quarterback position will assure that they will be a front runner for the division championship. Wiseman is a smart quarterback and a great defender that will help the Bruins on both sides of the ball. Antoine Huynh is a fast player on a team with a decent amount of speed. Bruins will definitely be competitive week in and week out.

Clinkers- Marc-Andre Deslauniers is a sponge absorbing play calling and information as quick as can be. That said he has little experience as a quarterback. His development will have the greatest impact on the potential success of this team. Luis Begin will be a menace to division 6 defences and new cover Hugo Martel will hurt teams who will not yet have heard of him. Clinker may be Gucci by season’s end.

Flying Flamingos- So I make a lot of jokes at the expense of Brad Evans. I do have profound respect for the FPF veteran. He’s a good dude on a good team. Flying Flamingos will be successful in the regular season but whether or not they will do the same in the playoffs is the lingering question. Myles Keiller has been firmly established as a number one receiver. Let’s see how the dude handles the extra attention. I think his style an ability is well suited to answer the call.

Practice Squad- What’s interesting about this team is that they are a team with a core that played in higher division teams. Andrew Knopp, Mike Knopp and Ryan Castiel look to led aa team of 55’s to a championship. They are smart and athletic, provided that someone can throw the ball this group should have a snowflake’s chance, which, in winter, is amazing.

Farmers- Farmers enlisted without the benefit of having Corey Greenaway. However, Simon Potvin has solidified his presence as a dominant player in FPF. Jonathan Legault is another name that does not appear on the roster and while Nicholas Lefebvre is listed, he won’t be able to play with both Farmers and A Determiner (of Division 6D). Perhaps this team, and all their components would have been better suited to competition in division 5.

Flonkerton- Joshua Vasquez learned the lesson with his debutant as the quarterback of Los Avocados. That lesson is what all of us who aren’t stud quarterbacks learn very quickly. If you surround yourself with talent you’ll improve quickly or they will make you look good. Evan Ely Nolet is a solid snapper with great hands. I know this because he’s caught many of my knuckles in the past. Rico Tulino is a very good player as well and Zachary Alberts-Gill is a dominant lower division two way player.

Tough Lungs- When Justin Lerner plays receiver he has been virtually uncoverable. He averages 13 touchdowns pre season in the season’s where he plays receiver. Daron Migdesyan is a very talented defender who does not miss a tackle. That seems ominous and barely important but division 6 can be a division of free yardage for offences. As such, guys who don’t miss tackles are truly important.

The Pack– The Pack is led by Daniel Krebs who’s play style is not common in division 6. He looks to attack at all time and stretch the field at all times. Familiar receivers Andrew April and Corey Laxer have also returned hoping to lead the Pack into a potential deep playoff run!

Los Banditos- They are one of the newer teams in Division 6. However, they proved to be a very good team in the FPF cup. The competition will be a slight upgrade from what they faced in a large portion of the Cup season. Loic Savoiz-Seguin is the most recognizable name on this list however, Vincent Benjamin may be the name of note. Benjamin is a devastating offensive presence and a competent defender. Los Banditos will compete week in and week out.

Rants, Reflections and Ravings

The NFL playoffs are set to begin, yet I’m more interested in the start of the FPF season. Am I alone in this? Is this because I’m a Dolphins fan? Probably!
In Elvis’ song Jail House Rock, he uses the lyrics “if you can’t find a partner use a wooden chair”. This make me think that Elvis would have been the fat cat in jail and not the small pretty boy who needed the chair o beat the hell out of the weakest person he could find.
Hopeful Division 6 champs have only 5 players on the roster. I smell an upcoming roster violation.
Who will have the best jerseys this season. Week 2 is picture week so we’ll only know after then but my money is on Krackens. I better see a wicked octopus on there!
I see Pine Riderz as a potential division dodger. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt but secretly I view them as cowards.
The Raiders…Jon Gruden lol. To quote Battlestar Galactica “All of this has happened before, all of this has happened again”
With Jon Gruden stepping down from Monday Night Football, I’d like to announce my candidature to ESPN along with Moe Khan. Come on ESPN, you know you’re ready.
I believe our new system for dividing teams in division 6 will make every single game more competitive. I expect no team to have less than 3 wins and no team to have more than 8.
There’s a heater that isn’t working at Catalogna. Dress warm (snowflake emoji, snowman emoji, poop emoji)

Saturday’s Smiling Samurais

Enjoy your first games. This is an awesome part of the season where everyone is a contender! I’m psyched to see games and get my own season started. I’ve missed you FPF, it’s been too long.

For further info on this division and the rest of the league feel free to tune into Calling the Audible where Moe Khan, Simon Dagenais, Eagle at Master Control and GM Koletheras will discuss topics such as the best pancake recipes, how Canada can be colder than Mars and whether or not T-Rex’s have the best slap fights. Tune in to the Facebook page for more info about the podcast. Please feel free to reach me @peezefpf on twitter or @ Peeze Della Reeze on Facebook to let me know about the various ways in which I was wrong.