Passive Aggressive Trash Talk, A Fresh Look and Fanny Packs

Peeze’s Playbook

By Paolo Della Rocca

Week 2

Those who have played against me, played with me, refereed me, etc. will know that I, from time to time, engage in some level of trash talk. This week my team (Supply and Command) faces off against François Martin’s Diablos. I normally would use this platform, but I decided instead that on the off chance that the Diablos lose to SNC, the shame would already be unbearable.

Imagine a player as reputed as François Martin losing to my team of misfits. It would be almost as embarrassing as him being replaced by me as quarterback of the Gronky Kong/One Speed: Power franchise. Wait… that did happen. Well, it’s not as if I would lead that team to more wins than him in my first season. Wait… 5 is greater than 3. I guess, it would be far more embarrassing if I, the worst QB in FPF history (as per the algorithm) would have thrown more touchdowns than he did. Wait… 35 is greater than 29.

I guess our head-to-head battles wouldn’t be anything to brag about. Unless of course you count that last time when my team, The Union, beat his Diablos to win the overnight tournament. Aside from being the second-most talented writer for this division, I think the game will show that François’ skills at quarterback will likely dwarf that of Justin Blanchard. I mean, it doesn’t matter that Blanchard has a QBR of nearly 20 points higher does it? Diablos have found ways to win while only completing a pass 48.8% of the time, which is impressive in some ways I guess. In the end I’m sure Diablos will find a way to beat us. I guess we should check our food for food poisoning.

Division D-1

Blackest Knight

The era of DC comics that saw Specter (the spirit of Vengeance) lead an army of Black Lanterns against the Green Lantern Corps and the few surviving heroes from Final Crisis. Perhaps this is too drastic a comparison after two weeks. However, I do believe that GLC may be in their franchise’s blackest night this season.

There was a time when Hai Minh Luong was known as the best game manager in the lower divisions in FPF. I have always felt that was unfair to one of the most accurate passers I have seen. Luong’s start to the season has shown that despite the injustice of those claims, he has yet to fully evolve as a new generation FPF quarterback. Armed with Mendy Cardichon, Franck Ngandui and Jerson Previlon, you’d think that this would be a career season for the FPF veteran. Yet for the second game in a row Green Lantern Corps were unable to go stride-for-stride with their opponents. With the game on the line and on fourth down, Hai Minh Luong was just a second too late on his release to Franck Ngandui and the ball was knocked away by a defender closing in on the deep hook.

Get Off My D recovered somewhat from the offseason hangover and while Jeff Rosenblatt insisted that he felt “fine” after last season’s horrific leg injury, he simply did not look completely comfortable in the pocket. Despite having made the stops, Get Off My D had to play tough through the end of the game, where game flow dictated that they likely should have won by a much larger margin. Nonetheless, Daniel Farag’s growth as a two-way player saw him score twice and support his hard work on the defensive side of the ball as he took away reads and broke up passes all evening long. Jad Aridi made the most of what Rose was floating to him from behind centre. In the end, it was enough to lead Get Off My D to a win over GLC by a score of 26-19.

Les Affreux Not to Be Caged

I was astonished to pull up Jonathan Lemieux’s page on the FPF website and see 0s under the championship, individual and all-star categories. There are moments when Lemieux looks to be one of the best lower division quarterbacks out there. Week 2 was one such game. Completing nearly 70% of his passes would be impressive in and of itself if he had not also thrown for 14.4 yards/pass. He connected twice for touchdowns with the now injured JD Joly. Joly, now afflicted with the same dislocated finger injury that ended the statically illustrious career of Moe Khan, will surely be missed and I do wish him health and a speedy recovery. He also will likely return sooner than Moe Khan.

Yet this would not be the biggest injury of the night. Frank Kaye came out of the game early and it was clear that he could not put any pressure on his right foot. Kaye has since confirmed that he has a torn right Achilles tendon and I also wish him a speedy recovery. In my preseason breakdown, I mentioned that Zoo had the most difficult schedule in Div D-1. While Patrick St. Amand, filled in admirably, Zoo still took the L to Les Affreux by a score of 39-20. They will surely make roster moves to help in the face of adversity, however, this will not make going through murderer’s row any easier.

Kiwi Island a Paradise of Pain

After beating Backyard Bruisers 48-14, I’ve learned something about each of these teams. Firstly, Joey Florillo looks very natural at the quarterback position. Also, the Backyard Bruisers defense is absolutely reliant on Rich Humes to make plays. With Humes absent and likely taking his charming smile to a place where women wear tiny bathing suits Backyard Bruisers looked completely lost.

Joey Florillo was able to take full advantage and dismantle the Backyard Bruisers. Anthony Lazzara scored two touchdowns while “Mr.T” Lebeau led the way catching 7 passes for 142 yards and 2 touchdowns. Dan “Tacos” Lazzara added the chili con carne with his touchdown catch as well.

The Bruisers are still a remarkably talented bunch and one would figure that Steve Sanner’s presence on defense would be enough to rally the troops. However, the troops looked more like scattered toy green soldiers after your careless cousin came over and messed with your toys. Wide receivers were running completely open all over the field be it for touchdowns, yards or two-point converts. In essence Kiwi Island made the game look easy.

Chris Pendenza played quarterback for the Bruisers in this game and while his stats were not recorded I can assure you that they were nothing to write home about. When asked about the missing stats he said that he played in the game but that the league was trying to spare him the embarrassment. Chris Pendenza is a talented quarterback, but outside of two touchdown strikes to Steve Sanner and Jonathan McQueen, this was a tough game from start to finish. Kiwi Island won the game 48-14.

Division D-2

Still Preaching: Saint of All Killers vs. ETC

In his first game at quarterback for Still Preaching, Pat Lindor was smooth as chocolate. No, this isn’t a reference to skin color, but rather to the typically adored chocolate products that share his namesake. Pat’s Chocolate Village makes the trip to Somerdale, New Jersey a site worth visiting. The game between Still Preaching and ETC is definitely worth a revisiting.

Lindor showed that he will be an interesting pivot to keep an eye on this season. He has a strong (if not entirely accurate) arm and the wheels to strike fear into any rusher. This alignment also allows the best two receivers for Still Preaching (Nicolas Saro and Alexis Labonte) to do their damage as a part of the receiving corps. Still Preaching led the game early until ETC quarterback Benjamin McMahon was pulled in favor of Owen Bujarsky. While both quarterbacks threw the ball into double coverage, ETC did look better with Bujarsky behind centre.

Still the story of this game was Pat Lindor. In addition to a great game at quarterback, he had a beautiful interception at the back of the endzone that would allow Still Preaching to pull away from ETC once more. In addition to the aforementioned Still Preaching receivers, Kevin Felima and Vladimir Pirrus also scored touchdowns. For ETC Chaz Kidder-Alexander and Zack Kik scored in a losing effort to Still Preaching by a score of 31-19.

A Loss by Desiign

Pandas are one of the Division D teams that will drive you mad if you are so inclined or have a predisposition to mental health disorders. Ryan Kharouf is what they clone at quarterback labs, but he does have the tendency to throw quick slants really hard. This can be problematic if your receivers are not up to the task. Twice in their Week 2 game against Trinity did the ball deflect off a receiver’s hand and into the waiting arms of Alexandre Jubinville. This would be two of the three interceptions caught by Jubinville while Vincent Marquis and Alexis Bessette would also further embarrass the stunned Pandas in a tough second week matchup. Nirosh Suresh was the sole bright light for Pandas as he scored their only two touchdowns in this game. Alexandre Bachaalani intercepted a pass in one of the few moments that the Trinity offense was out of sync. For the most part, as Alexandre Bachaalani said after the game, “our defense was asleep.” One such example was when the Pandas overreacted to what they believed to be a false start leading to a long touchdown on a fade over two Panda defenders who may as well have been sitting around eating bamboo. The Pandas also had no answer for Alexandre Samson, whose 5 catches and 58 yards led the team. Trinity would end up winning the game 32-13 over Pandas.

Two of Everything

So once in a while my references are so obscure that only G.M. Kolethras and I truly understand them. This may be one where I’m on my own. Buffalo Wild Wings referenced the famed (to the 18 people who watched the show) Observers from the Sci-Fi cult classic TV show Fringe. My headline was built as a tightrope (rather than a bridge) to tie them together. My efforts, have likely failed.

Buffalo Wild Wings went into their second game of the season with high expectations after a Week 1 win over Red Sharks. Nothing bolsters confidence in FPF like Week 1 wins. However, in Week 2 Buffalo Wild wings faced All Hooks. Charles-Olivier Lavigne looked like a man possessed. He threw for 195 yards en route to a 5-touchdown performance. However, it was his defense that would set the table for his success in this game. Marc-Alexandre Piette went with a quads formation in their own territory and stared his receiver down the entire way allowing Nicolas Blais to jump the route and intercept the pass. Another key play by the All Hooks defense came early once again when on 4th down and 2, Marc-Alexandre Piette tried to run for the first and was tackled for a marginal gain by rusher Thomas Coutu, who handled Piette the entire evening.

Vincent Guillette and Guillaume Vezina lead the way for the Buffalo Wild Wings offense, combining their efforts to account for 15 catches, 112 yards and a touchdown a piece. The troubling part of the Buffalo Wild Wings performance was the play of quarterback Marc-Alexandre Piette, who seemingly took all of the worst parts of Joey Taylor’s offense (Two and a Half Dans) without the benefit of his athleticism, proper spacing, timing or efficiency. Piette will have to improve his play or the Buffalo Wild Wings’ season is as good as cooked. They went on to lose this game to All Hooks (an interesting alternate name could have been Totally Hookers) by a score of 33-12.

Peeze’s Mail Sack

Every week I delve into the deep dark hole that is Twitter (none holier than Twitter, it is full of a specific kind of hole) and I react to fan mail, hate, questions, etc. Feel free to contribute and help write my article for me by tweeting me @PeezeFPF or by messaging me @ Peeze Della Reeze on Facebook or by making obscene comments about me on the FPF wall.

ALEXRAVENS‏ @iamalexravens May 22

@PeezeFPF if you want to roast Pandas in your next article, go right ahead. we were garbage this week lol.

Peeze-You guys were garbage and I took out the trash. In case you haven’t read it, simply scroll upwards.

Creeu‏ @Creeu14 23h23 hours ago

@BADNEWSB51 @PeezeFPF at what time starts the podcast actually ? It’s possible to tweet smth when it’s starting ? Please 🙂 #THEEXPANDABLES

Peeze- Expandables would be an interesting team name. Are you sponsored by maternity clothing?

jersonp [OSP jerseys are]Ugly af ☺ (via Instagram)

Peeze- Jerson, my man, you know I look fresh. Don’t even try to deny it.

SUN 9:35AM

Dan Lazzara

LOL just start giving more credit when credit it due … y’all both took bruh mitzvah too win just remember that

Peeze-I always do. I congratulated the Braves on their Division 2 championship win this past winter!

Power Rankings

The power rankings are interesting. François and I have different teams slotted into different spots but we agree on the overall make-up of this division. We both overrate his Diablos but other than that we have a lot of differences in who we consider to be some of the top teams in the division. This week I also included teams that did not make the cut but did draw my attention.

Please remember that while my article features my power rankings as well as François’. His article will include both of our picks for the upcoming week.

KGP RA (2-0): Less dominant than they were in Week 1. However, KGP RA will win games as long as they keep scoring 30+ points a game.
Diablos (2-0): Marc-André Lapointe has filled in admirably for the MIA Gabriel Wiseman. His presence lends legitimacy to an offense that is already one of the most potent in the division.
Supply and Command (2-0): Third in points scored; fourth in points allowed. Playing this well on both sides of the ball has SNC looking like a contender.
Kiwi Island (2-0): 40+ points scored in the first two weeks of the season. I am curious to see how they will do in the second half of the season where their schedule sees them face stiff competition.
Frosty Bronsons (1-1): Almost bounced Frosty from my power rankings this week. James Nowakowski will need to score more than the two touchdowns he put up this past week.
Les Affreux (2-0): Martin Jackson, Mathieu Dubois and co. will need to improve their offensive performance with JD Joly looking to miss some time.
Straight Outta Breath (2-0): Max Marini has had two strong games against two seasoned Division D opponents (Zoo and Globo Gym Purple Cobras). Early on, they are exceeding expectations.
Badgers (1-1): The Badgers won by six in Week 1 and lost by one in Week 2. They could have easily been 2-0 or 0-2. They make the power rankings but I’m still not sure how good they’ll be.

Other Teams Receiving Votes

The votes will be biased and from whoever I happen to pretend to ask. This week, I asked my editor Justin Blanchard. He responded by simply saying, “Peeze, I don’t care; just meet your deadline for once.” I did not meet said deadline.

Get Off My D (1-1): I expect this team to be elite before season’s end. However, my power rankings judge their performance to date. In that case, a loss and a win over a struggling GLC does not make a strong case.
Bruh-Mitzfah (1-1): David Daoust and his group of talented receivers responded strongly to a concerning Week 1 loss with a big win. I don’t know if this team has the fire power but they may not need it.
TOPSZN (1-1): Having scored four touchdowns in two straight weeks means they’re good; it does not mean that they are one of the leading contenders.

François’ Power Rankings

1	KGP RA (2-0)	—	Une autre bonne performance qui leur garanti leur position
2	Diablos (2-0)	—	Ils mettront en jeu leur position #2 cette semaine
3	Supply And Command (2-0)	+6	J’avais oublié de les mettre dans mon ranking la semaine dernière, alors ils ont fait un bon prodigieux. Toutefois, suite à leur défaite prévisible ils vont surement redescendre.
4	Straigth Outta Breath (2-0)	+3	Ils viennent de surprendre une autre bonne équipe de la division. Ils me surprennent de plus en plus.
5	Les Affreux (2-0)	—	Ils ont facilement battu Zoo, mais la perte de leur joueur étoile va leur faire mal.
6	Kiwi Island (2-0)	+3	Ils viennent d’écraser deux équipes de suite. Le QB est tout simplement en feu.
7	Get Off my D (1-1)	-3	Il chute en raison des belles performances des autres équipes. Toutefois, je crois qu’ils vont remonter au classement prochainement.
8	TOPSZN (1-1)	-1	Eux aussi baisse en raison des performances des autres. Ceci dit, ils ont quand même livré un bon match contre KGP RA

D-2

Ravens (2-0): Alex David is quieting concerns at the quarterback position and this continues to be the best roster in D-2.
Trinity (2-0): Consider this the team ranked 1a. They are dominant on both sides of the ball and still haven’t allowed more than two touchdowns in a game.
All Hooks (2-0): C-O Lavigne continues to be the best dual-threat QB in the game.
Warriors (1-1): The Warriors’ schedule sets up favorably over the next few weeks; expect them to pile on the wins.
Lobster Dinner (2-0): François Hogue is having a huge impact on a very smart defense. He has already recorded five sacks this season.
Roadrunners (1-1): The loss to War Pigs surprises me. But we have seen Roadrunners have these slip-up games before. They will recover.
Big Fun Party Mix 8 (2-0): Oathbreaker Evan Ely Nolet is screaming “Footballllllllllllll” from the top of a mountain. He has 12 touchdowns and has only turned the ball over twice. Before you know it, BFPM8 may climb all the way to BFPM1.
Still Preaching (1-1): This may be the best use of their talent. I’m excited to see if they can go on a run.

Other Teams Receiving Votes

Les Montagnards (2-0): They have beaten two strong teams but six of their eight remaining games are against strong teams. If they start 3-0 they may jump up the rankings quickly.
Longhorns (1-1): I expected a bigger win over Vikings. Brad Evans simply needs to play better if the Longhorns are to be a legitimate threat.
Globo Gym Purple Cobras (0-2): Starting 0-2 is shocking but I will hold on for one more week.

François’ Power Rankings

1	Big Fun Party Mix 8 (2-0)	+1	C’est surement l’équipe la plus dominante de la division
2	Trinity (2-0)	+4	Ils viennent de battre les précédent #1, alors cela explique leur bond prodigieux
3	All Hooks (2-0)	+1	Une autre belle performance de Charles-Olivier Lavigne leur permettre de monter au classement
4	Ravens (2-0)	+5	Équipe rempli de talent qui performe très bien en ce début de saison. On verra leur capacité contre Still Preaching
5	Les Montagnards (2-0)	+3	Ils continuent leur ascension, mais celle-ci pourrait bien se terminer face au #1 actuel.
6	Warrior (1-1)	-1	Remis de leur défaite de la semaine dernière, ils peuvent maintenant construire sur leur victoire afin d’avancer dans ce classement.
7	Lobster Dinner (2-0)	+2	Battre les Red Sharks n’est pas du tout un exploit par le temps qui court, mais leur fiche de 2-0 leur permettre d’arriver dans ce classement.
8	Still Preaching (1-1)	-1	Leur duel contre Ravens est assurément l’une des parties à surveiller.

Thursday’s Topical Tapioca

Two weeks are done, pictures have been snapped and for those who have not yet tallied a win, remember that 16 of the 20 teams in each division will qualify for the playoffs. Your season isn’t done yet but, I will urge you to get on the horse quickly as the season is shorter than it appears.

For further analysis, tune in to the official FPF Division D podcast “Calling the Audible,” where Moe Khan and Alex Holowach discuss the cyclones thretening jupitor, the benefits of PK Subban returning to Montreal with the cup and whether or not Fanny Packs are this summer’s latest fashion trend. Tune in to www.youtube.com/flagplus on Thursday nights at 7:30 p.m. or download the podcast on iTunes or Podomatic!

Have a great and safe second week of action. See you at the fields!