Incredible Thoughts, Fire Tornados and Slice Sodas

Peeze’s Playbook Week 5

Incredible thoughts

Foreheads are not particularly great at socializing. They lack the necessary face parts meant for communication. Without ears sounds have no destination. With no mouths thoughts remain imprisoned. Without eyes how can one gauge another’s reaction. Foreheads just simply present themselves. At the best of times they remain flat and uninterested. At their worst they are wrinkled broad expressions that range from happiness to anger to sadness and all the way back around to confusion.

Anatomy is fascinating. When you start to isolate the different body parts you realize just how important they all are. Hear me out, forehead. Our lives, as constituted, are entirely shaped by the various cells, tissues,organs, systems and appendages that make our daily life what it is. Without opposable thumbs chopsticks become impossible. Perhaps rather than eating in fine establishments where you gracefully hold your fork and knife food would rather be prepared in more stab-able presentations.

Imagine that being a less 4 finger-ed friendly restaurant and losing business because your food was hard to apply into the client’s mouths. Would restaurant ratings only go up to four stars? So let’s say a restaurant scores a single star (a quarter rather than a fifth so it were). That would be a death sentence for a restaurant that probably had very tasty and likely scoop oriented foods. Soup would be a nightmare! That path toward bankruptcy would be certain. Again a shame for an institution that made tasty food. Banruptasty.

***I looked up. My forehead regarded me blandly***

Sometimes I consider how it would be like to be anthropomorphic. Bojack Horseman was an interesting investigation into the life of Bob Saget as portrayed by a horse. Those lives seem awesome. You get most of the benefits of being a humanoid but also the benefits of being said animal.

This brings me to my pitch. I didn’t know this was a pitch when we started but here we are. I can’t control any stream let alone stream of consciousness. It’s a show. The show is called Scorp Corp. Picture Goof Troop but instead, they’re a charming nuclear family of half humanoids and half scorpions. By this I mean each member of the family shares the same half humanoid and half scorpion traits. Having human children raised by ghoulish looking creatures is asinine. The entire family stands on two legs, they have claws for hands and are vaguely human except for their cartoonish scorpion faces and scorpion tails.

Mom works a job from home, she runs a fairly successful business where she sells her venom as a potent insecticide. It’s now available on OnlyScorps (yeah they used to really show some tail but has since decided against allowing pornographic profiles and content). The kids are attending a regular public school where no one acknowledges their semi arachnid form save for when being bullied. Obviously.

Dad works in HR (see Scorp Corp… brought it right around!) He loves his family and tries to get through each day at a job he hates so that he could help put insects on the table. I pictured a comical “cold open”: when trying to sit in his wheel-loaded computer chair he is unable to do so successfully. He keeps trying to back into it but he continuously pushes the chair away with his tail. The chair and character move across the screen 18 inches at a time until they’re out of site. Title Card: Scorp Corp. Later that episode he would reach into a container of pencils and accidentally snap them in half. On the way home it’s raining. Dad still drives home with the sunroof open because he needs to let his tail out of the top of the car. Rain is entering the car and in a fit of frustration Dad clips the steering wheel in two places (AGAIN!!!)

I don’t know if there’s enough gags and ideas to make that more than a pilot. Perhaps this would work better as a movie rather than a show. That way, if it goes well a prequel and a…what’s the story that happens after the main story. Is that an after-quel? The prequel can focus on the young love between mom and Dad. They run away to elope and start their lives because they couldn’t stand another moment of not living life together. We need to find an angle for kids. Kids don’t give a sh!t about romance so we’ll need funny B and C plots. Eagle…get an idea for the kids!!!

***I looked up again. My forehead glistened in response***

If that won’t work I can imagine an idea that already exists but showcase it in a different form. Lego is great at that. Batman for example is much more fun in Lego Batman form. Warner Brothers/DC seem to have Lego locked up. Marvel/Disney, you know where to find me. Using your likely partnership with Monsanto we can take an established Marvel or Star Wars property that can provide adequate synergy between crops and science fiction. Close your eyes and imagine: The Mangolorian. It’s the tale of The Madelorian but reframed for kids. The main Character is just a mango with that iconic Mandelorian mask. It can also appear as a kids movie as a compliment to the show that is meant for adults. Each new season can lead to an after-quel.

***Forhead is wrinkled. Is this frustration?***

Damnit! It’s called a sequel. Come on Peeze.

Musings, Ramblings, Lies and Other Assortments

The clips from CTA all have the same title card but they are different clips. I won’t name names but SOME of us couldn’t figure it out. Iggy Magnets! There I said it.
Watching people fall to their death in Afghanistan was awful. It was a gross mishandling across four regimes. Don’t make the cost of human life about YOUR politics.
V-Town’s Joseph Battaglia added another touchdown to bring his total to 5 for the season.
The Melons V. Ravens game was postponed due to a lightning storm that evening.
Need fantasy football help? Check out www.hotsuacesports.ca. You’re welcome!
Brewers QB Jeffery Lefevbre has already thrown 17 interceptions this season. I know the boys in black and gold have had a lot of drops but, that’s far too many turnovers.
How can Gotti be such a bad biopic. The story ACTUALLY happened! Also without establishing secondary characters it’s just Italian dudes killing Italian dudes.
The Bad Batch gave up 12 points to Blast From the Past to start the game. A Touchdown to Adrien Dusautois and an extra point would make it a 19-0 deficit before The Bad Batch would even touch the ball. Boys, you gotta at least show up on time.
My first impulse is that I don’t love the lack of a numbering rule in the NFL. It just doesn’t feel like the NFL to me yet.
Rough loss for Oscar’s Hockey School. However, Matthew Zeppetelli had 105 yards rushing on 5 attempts. That’s insane!
Trey Lance made one throw but he made THE THROW
Slice Sodas have returned! They are flavored sparkling water however. That makes it less exciting.
Trailer Park Boys were set to square up against the Pincellos. TPB had a COVID situation that precluded them from playing their game. Kudos to them for reporting to FPF as early as possible. The game will be rescheduled.

Memories, Hallucinations and Observations

Week 7

These recaps were written last week and intended on an ill-fated writing attempt that fell victim to (I wish I had a better excuse) alcohol.

Don’t Get Too Attached

Yet another terrible tagline for a movie. Come on Warner Brothers, be better! I don’t really understand how The Suicide Squad scored so highly on rotten tomatoes. The first 40 minutes of the movie is a giant exposition dump, it lacks a lot of James’ Gunn’s flair for great music (as opposed to his lack of taste on social media platforms) and the second half of the movie feels disjointed.

This is probably the earliest digression I’ve ever had in a game recap but it was worth it to no one but myself. Suicide Squad are better than the movie. They are conversely a little underrated as far as I can see. Jahmal Roach is having one of the best introductory seasons that I can remember in FPF. However, this game was less than efficient by the athletic dual threat. The first half saw him contained for the most part on the ground and two of the team’s 4th down attempts came on the first drive of the game. Roach would in fact settle down and hit Gabriel Wiseman on a 5 yard touchdown pass on the team’s next drive.

Derek Kastner did a lot to hang with the young opposition. There were two key differences, SS had two converts to Rainmakers 1 (an issue that plagued them at the beginning of the season). Weirdly the Rainmakers were otherwise excellent in the red zone in this game having scored twice in two visits. Gianmarco Zinno made his presence felt as he caught 4 of his 10 targets but led the team in receiving yards and recorded a sack on defense. This would not be enough to get by Suicide Squad as SS appear to be the Kingshark of the division (obviously awesome but always under appreciated).

Big Myth in a Small Pond

The crush is over! I really liked Les Mythiques early in the season. They seemed ready to have a solid first season. However, the last time LM won was July 11th. It is well over a month since their last game night celebration. Les Mythiques’ 40-25 loss to Quatrium FFC shows that the cracks in the foundation are spreading.

Les Mythiques had 8 possessions and only scored half the time. The issue in this game was turnovers. Les Mythiques had three drives that ended with interceptions. Etienne Cantin turned the ball over to Vincent Benjamin twice and Zachary Lemay as well. It’s always a good idea to avoid Vincent Benjamin. Trust me, I know this from experience.

The three interceptions led to a touchdown by Gabriel Manseau, a pick 6 by Vincent Benjamin and a 26 yard strike to Julien Wilson. This game saw Felix Goulet take over at quarterback. While Vincent Benjamin has been doing well at the spot but having him at receiver is simply unfair in this division. Few teams have the ability to have what I judge as a division 1 caliber receiver on their roster so I was happy to see him return to his preferred position.

Week 8

The 4 Chevaliers of the Apocalypse

It does feel like we’re at the end of the first act of a disaster movie right? A global pandemic, the earth’s temperature changing so rapidly that we’re feeling the effects in real-time and A F*CKING FIRE TORNADO!?!?!?! These aren’t a matter of politics incidentally, these are a matter of scientific fact. Disagree? That’s fine, people disagreed with Galileo and Newton in their time too yet the ravings of lunatics are not what’s taught at the highest levels of education.

But I digress…

Chevaliers Du Rohan are improving dramatically over a short period of time. The team’s execution and confidence has blossomed in recent weeks. The second half started with a 40 yard pass from Kevin Hebert-Pedulla to Frank Cardinal for a touchdown. This score would end up being huge as this score as well as the safety on the last play of the first half that preceded it made the game 18-15 at half in favor of Quatrium FFC.

Felix Goulet has been the starting QB for Quatrium since their loss to Ravens in week 5. As I’ve said, this is the move I would have made too. Vincent Benjamin didn’t let us down either. He caught all of his targets en route to a 5/108/1 game. The team had it’s normal pieces largely in place (namely Gabriel Villemaire and Julien Wilson). However, in the absence of Gabriel Manseau, the team had Loic Savoiz-Seguin suit up. Unfortunately, this immense collection of talent was not enough to overcome the energy of Les Chevaliers du Rohan. The aforementioned Cardinal would score in close quarters and despite a failed two point convert attempt, Rohan would only leave 5 plays on the clock for Quantrium. Frank Cardinal would make one last imprint on the game when he tackled Vincent Benjamin after a 26 yard gain. The last ball would ineptly fall whilst intended to Julien Wilson and Les Chevaliers du Rohan would go on to upset Quatrium FFC by a score of 27-25.

Expectation Filled

The season has not gone as I thought it might for Oreos. Truth be told they may have the best collection of athletes in the division. I’ve been saying this since the beginning of the season. However, the letdown on this team is due to a few factors. As was the case in their game against Dilly!Dilly! (and with them trying to matchup with Raven’s Mathieu Houle) it has seemed like a match between men and boys in a lot of their games. It appears that along with their immense raw talent, they’ll need experience to go from a solid team to an overwhelming talent. The other issue seems to be the team’s unwillingness to stick to Justin Charles. Perhaps I was guilty of fanning the flames when I suggested that the team may be best served with Trey Bentley at the helm. However, given that the team looks to be around for the foreseeable future and should be around come playoff time, I think the best course of action would be to stick with Justin Charles as he won’t get better by NOT getting reps.

This is the second straight game where Justin Charles got pulled during the game. I think that the line in the sand needs to be drawn right now. The team is essentially clinched, if Justin Charles is to be their QB in the playoffs, he needs to take his lumps now. As for decisions beyond this point, that will remain to be seen. FPF is a four down game and Oreos first possession ended with a four-and-out. In fact, other than a single 29 yard strike to Ukiah Best, the Oreos offense seemed stagnant. Best would eventually catch another touchdown from Keyaun Reid later in the game but 8 points a half would not be enough to keep up with one of the top teams in Division E.

Iggy Magnets, known to most normal human beings as Ignacio Valdez Manzanedo normally has some of the best hands in the lower divisions. However, he hauled in less than half his targets. The good news? He may have had a share in what I considered to be a tied race to determine who the player of the game was. Six catches, 91 yards and three touchdowns will get you there! So who did he share the player of the game was Max Ledoux who’s 3 sacks were tremendously impactful. One such sack ended an Oreos drive with a safety. Dilly!Dilly! Won the game 33-16 over Oreos.

Snatching V-Cards

The title is a little juvenile but, whatever, it’s fine. Green Means Go left a lot to be desired in their GOTW. They lost to Pincellos but have won their last two in convincing fashion. My worry is that Dave Allen and Co. may not be one of the truly elite teams in the division. This is fine, they’ll finish high enough to earn a favorable first round matchup in the playoffs.

Still, you can’t knock them for beating the teams on their schedule. While he hasn’t had a clean sheet since his second game Dave Allen has moved the ball effectively. The main issue seems to be how much this team relies on Nicholas DiMaulo and Eugene McLaren. They represent 41.2% of the targets but they are also the only two with more than 20 targets through 7 games. Last week’s game was no exception as the two combined for 18 targets on 27 pass attempts.

On the other side of the ball, it was a rough start for Jonathan Velasco who was sacked for a safety on the third play of the game. Two of Velasco’s touchdowns were 40 yard strikes. This leads me to believe that the young QB panicked and felt the pressure to score a lot while trailing early. I understand that V-Town was down 8-0 early. However, given that Velasco has only had one game where he completed more than 11 passes I would say he needs to develop a more methodical approach in order to see some more success. Jason Cassandra was the bright spot for V-Town with a touchdown and an interception in a 30-18 loss to Green Means Go.

Declarations of Bravado

Dilly!Dilly! (6-1): Assessing Jeremy Ledoux as a QB was tough before the season but it’s clear that with some added FPF experience he’s ready to make an impact at the QB position. Through 7 games he has a combined 32 Touchdowns and only 3 interceptions thrown.
Ravens (5-1): Ravens didn’t play this week but, they are, in my opinion one of the elite teams in the division.
Suicide Squad (5-2): They’re winners of 5 of their last 6 games. Tahnyhus Steerleads a very impressive group of ballhawks with 4 interceptions.
Green Means GO! (6-1): They dismantled Brewers and a very athletic V-Town in back to back weeks. However, their loss to Pincellos still lingers. It’s clear to see what Dave Allen’s timing based offense can look like on a night where the team is quite “on”.
Pincellos (5-2): The False Kings didn’t play this week so they didn’t have the opportunity to lose two in a row. Defender Matt Moreau is chomping at the bit to face a Trailer Park Boys team that has struggled on offense.
Save the Turftles (5-3): Today we spell “Heading in the Right Direction”: S.F.T. They’ve won three straight games and receiver Vincent Cheung claimed his QB would be even better if his hands were more secure. His catch percentage is only 52.6% so maybe there is something there.
Ball’s Deep (4-4): We spent a ton of time analyzing them on Calling the Audible this week. Check it out for further coverage. For those who have seen it… IYKYK
Menace II Sobriety (4-3): MIIS sound like a terrible hip hop group that were manufactured by a fading record label in the 90’s trying to be “a little more urban”. I’ll tell you who not to fade: Chris Williams! CW had 2 ints, 2 pds and a receiving touchdown. Dude had his hands on so many balls that (this joke was deleted by censors in order to protect Peeze from himself).
Rainmakers (5-3): All the pieces are there and yet this team seems to just be middle of the pack. Nick Prokow wasn’t at their last game but the team should have enough talent to apply the next man up mantra.
Melons (3-3): Melons didn’t play this week. That means they’re still on a two game winning streak. I wonder if Jack Tessari can keep his streak going since every catch is a touchdown.

Predictions for the World of Tomorrow


			*Oreos*		Les Chevaliers Du Rohan
			*Melons*		Oscar’s Hockey School
			*Ravens*		Les Mythiques
			Pincellos		*Suicide Squad*
			Brewers		*Ball’s Deep*
			*Menace II Sobriety*		Trailer Park Boys
			*Quatrium FFC*		Blast from the Past
			*Dilly! Dilly!*		V-Town
			*Green Means Go!*		Rainmakers
			*The Bad Batch*		Save The Turftles

Denouement

For those who have any thoughts, commentary or complaints, I am very easy to find. I’m @peezehss on twitter, @pdellarocca and Peeze Della Reeze on facebook. You can also take a chance by emailing me at [email protected] but I don’t check it because it’s a death trap of junk emails all trying to sell me hair and penis growth solutions. I really need to use incognito mode.

Remember that each week you can join the party on our Facebook page or at www.youtube.com/flagplus on our weekly podcast: Calling the Audible. We are still trying to figure out when the shows will be available and how to get it live on air.

Till next week, I want to thank you falettineme be mice elf agin!