Div E Report Cards: Part 1, the bottom half

I’m back with the report cards for Div E, starting from the bottom with teams ranked 12-22. Part 2 of the article, for teams ranked 1 through 11 will be posted by Sunday. I hope you guys enjoy the read!

22. Grand Daddy Purp (0-8-0, 59PF, 276PA)

Grade: D-

Given that GDP is almost entirely composed of new players who have never played the game before, I can’t be too harsh in my assessment. Unfortunately, the truth is this team hasn’t gotten any better since the start of the season. They keep losing by blowouts and struggle to put any points on the board. Marcus Kulczycki finally had an okay game, throwing for 123 yards, 1TD and 0 interception, but it didn’t matter in the end as they once again lost. There isn’t much going on both on offense or defense for this team. The only reason I don’t give them an F is because they’re a new team, but they should have gotten better by this point of the season.

Record prediction: 0-10

21. Timberwolves (0-5-1, 46PF, 206PA)

Grade: D

Much like GDP, this team hasn’t much going on. Dideley Paul has only thrown 4 TDs in 4 games, and the team doesn’t even average 10 points per game and allows over 34 points per game. Because it is a new team, I didn’t expect much, but Jimmy-Lee Janvier is on the roster, and I would have hoped that he would have helped set up a better system for this team, even if he’s not throwing, but that just hasn’t happened. The only reason this team doesn’t have an F grade is their tie against Trailer Park Boys, which was a very solid game for them. Unfortunately, the last 2 games have been atrocious for Timberwolves, getting blown out by both Satriales and Hail Marty’s. They might beat Bloodline this week, and that would give them a shot at making the playoffs.

Record prediction: 1-8-1

20. Bloodline (1-5-0, 74PF, 236PA)

Grade: C-

Another new team with mostly new players, their hopes weren’t great right from the start. That started with two huge losses to below average teams (Les Habitations BR and Tex4s Chooches), but since then the team has been able to generate offense a little bit. Despite his 12 interceptions, Justin Fraser still has 9 touchdowns thrown, and he has accumulated some nice yardage running. Nathan Duguay and Eric Boisvert have been solid on offense. The issue with this team is the defense, as they’re allowing over 39 points per game and only have 3 interceptions as a team. If they figure out their defense, this team has pretty good potential in the future. Unfortunately, it’s a little bit too late for this season, and their only hope of making the postseason is beating Timberwolves this week. I think they’ll lose.

Record Prediction: 1-9

19. Les Habitations BR (1-5-0, 102PF, 185PA)

Grade: F

This is Benoit Robidoux’s 4th full season as a QB in FPF. The team started off well with a good performance against Hail Marty’s and then a huge win against Bloodline, but the team has since fallen off the face of the earth. The most they’ve scored since week 2 has been 13 points against Bend Don’t Break last week, and they lost that game by 26 points. I just expected way more from this team. Michael Binette McDougall and Simon Viens have been the best players from this team on offense, but no one has done anything on defense. Maxime Potvin had that nice 4 interception game against Bloodline, but only 2 times have they picked off the opposing QB the rest of the season. The team will probably make the playoffs thanks to Bloodline and Grand Daddy Purp, and their two remaining games against weak opponents (Tex4s Chooches and Texas Whales). I think they’ll win one of those 2 games.

Record prediction: 2-8

18. Tex4s Chooches (1-6-0, 82PF, 175PA)

Grade: D-

This is their second season in FPF. Their QB last year, Tyler Cousins, joined Texas Whales for this season, and the Chooches replaced him with Giuliano Di Nardo, who hasn’t been particularly good. Their only win all season was Week 1 against Bloodline, who were playing their first game ever. Ever since then, the team has lost every game by at least 2 possessions. They went 0-10 winter season, and so not much was to be expected from this team in terms of contending, but after that many games played together, I would have expected some improvement. Yet, the team is stalling and hasn’t found ways to stay in games. Reno Cariglia, Gianni Cicciarelli and Luca Falbo have all done okay in terms of receiving and Cariglia has added 4 interceptions. Unfortunately, I don’t see them winning another game this season.

Record Prediction: 1-9

17. Texas Whales (1-6-0, 101PF, 170PA)

Grade: D

The better Texas team has not done well either, and I honestly would have expected better considering their QB Vaughn Vanslet had some experience prior to the start of the season. Vanslet is decent at protecting the ball, but he gets sacked way too much and doesn’t effectively find the endzone. Their loss against Bloodline was certainly a surprise, and that’s a game they absolutely should have won. Chazz Pisanelli and Tyler Cousins have been good on offense, but the rest of the squad leaves a lot to be desired. I think this team is still better than Chooches and Habitations BR and will win both those games.

Record Prediction: 3-7

16. Area 69 (1-4-2, 127PF, 143PA)

Grade: B

Last year, this team (Cover 3) went 0-10 and got obliterated every single game. Not this season. They have beaten GDP easily, and added 2 ties against OnlyFlags and Satriales. They have actually been able to put up points, led by Michael de Seta at QB, who has thrown 17 TDs. Unfortunately, his 20 interceptions have led to them ending on the wrong side of games more often than not. They have been good honestly, losing by only 5 points to Trailer Park Boys, by 11 to Pasta Arrabiat and by only 2 points to Cover 3 Inches Long. 4 receivers have logged over 160 yards (Peter Mourelatos, Joey Poce, Stefano De Seta, James Vogas). They have also accumulated 19 interceptions as a defense, which is amazing. I think this team is getting better and better and when Michael de Seta protects the ball, Area 69 have a chance to compete with any team in the division. Ramphins completely shut them down this week, with De Seta throwing 7 interceptions and no TDs, and unfortunately those interceptions will be the downfall of this team.

Record prediction: 2-6-2

15. Satriales (2-3-1, 152PF, 136PA)

Grade: C+

Oof, this one was tough to grade. On one hand, they have a positive differential and have been in every game while having a very difficult schedule. On the other hand, this team has Raff Morelli and Alessandro Barazonni on the roster and so I was expecting more. Ever since George Kalavritinos has taken over for Mario Palmieri at QB, the team has been trending up. They have beaten Not You Too? convincly (although without Kaiden Dewey-Hull, William Leclerc and Jamil Springer). I would be very interested to see Raff Morelli line up under center at some point, but Kalavritinos has been very solid. Satriales‘ team stats point to a team that should be 4-2, but instead they’re 2-3-1, which is why their grade is a C+ and not better. Unfortunately, their schedule is not getting easier, and I only see them beating Trailer Park Boys. This team will probably end with a negative record, but could pull off some upsets and even win some postseason games.

Record prediction: 3-6-1

14. Ramphins (3-4-0, 157PF, 115PA)

Grade: C+

This team is very similar to Satriales in the way that they’ve struggled to come out of games with wins, but have been competitive throughout the season. They have lost 4 games by one possession and they lost to solid teams. They just haven’t been able to win close affairs and therefore sit at a negative record. I can’t put them below a C+ though because they have been playing well. With two wins in their last 2 games, this team is trending up. Sheldon Dumeignil has been solid at quarterback, Chad and Jesse Dumeignil have also been good on offense, especially Chad. On defense, Jesse has been shining with a whopping 8 interceptions. I think Ramphins are very good and could have been near the top of the division if only a couple more plays went their way. I think they’ll lose to Pasta Arrabiat, but then beat Trailer Park Boys and Timberwolves.

Record Prediction: 5-5

13. Bend Don’t Break (3-3, 120PF, 96PA)

Grade: B-

Practice Squad (6) from Winter 2023 are back and they’re decent. They have beaten the teams they were expected to beat (Texas Whales, Tex4s Chooches, Les Habitations BR) and lost to the teams they were expected to lose to (WHO D’EH, Meat Lovers, Primetime). Luke Moreau has been okay at quarterback, limiting the turnovers but not scoring much. Dominic Weidner and William Gillespie have been the main targets on offense, but haven’t racked up that many yards. Their defense has been solid, picking off 14 times the opposing QBs. Their two upcoming games should be pretty straight up as well, they will most likely lose to Cover 3 Inches Long, and win against Grand Daddy Purp. It is a toss-up against OnlyFlags, but I think they’ll lose. They will also most likely lose against Minchia FT.

Record Prediction: 4-6

12. OnlyFlags (3-3-1, 146PF, 116PA)

Grade: B+

George Spano has a decent amount of FPF experience, just not at the quarterback position. So far, he has done well, throwing 21TDs to only 9 interceptions. With a lot of new players on the roster, I was honestly expecting way worse from this team at the beginning of the season, especially after that 2-2 tie. The two losses in the last 2 weeks sting a little bit, as they seemed to have found some momentum prior. Their ugly loss against Ramphins has dramatically reduced the hype surrounding this team. 5 players have over 100 receiving yards and 2 TDs. Zachary Mastromonaco has been the main target for Spano all season, but Albert Hallal, Charles Barbeau, Ryan Stephen and Zachary Kott have all performed well in more limited roles. The rest of their schedule isn’t easy and I think they’ll only come out victorious against Bend Don’t Break.

Record Prediction: 4-5-1

That is it for part 1 of the report cards. As I said, by Sunday, part 2 should be out for the teams 1-11 in the standings.

Good luck to you all this week!