Dear Chewy, Two Sets of Problems and Non-Existent Eyewear

Dear Chewy,

First, I should apologize for the nickname. This was your mother and I trying to find a way to push people off as we waited for what we felt was the best time to announce your name to the world. My family has always used nicknames to refer to the people we love. My name isn’t Peeze and you’re uncle’s isn’t Duke.

I have and still do fantasized about driving you to school, daycare, flag football practice and just before we drive off I turn to you with my fist clenched and offer you a fist bump. Then, in reference to Star Wars (a seminal series of movies from my childhood) I want to look to you and say “Punch it Chewy!”. Then we’ll drive off. I want to do this on every day that doesn’t matter as well as days like your graduation, your wedding day, going to watch Star Wars 14: The Next Hope. I want to do it for years after you stop thinking it’s fun or cool. God, your dad isn’t cool and at best, he tries to be fun. I want to do it as I embarrass you in front of friends and I can’t wait for the day that I let it slip as I did many times before, thinking “oh he’s past this” and then you stick your fist out in anticipation.

I don’t know the first thing about being a father. My dad is, quite simply, amazing. He has taken care of his family and damn near everyone else he’s ever met. He played with me, he hangs out with me, he organizes golf games together, he teaches me today as he did when I was a kid. He’s understanding and to this day getting him to burst out laughing is still the highest honor in comedy. He’s the tough crowd where I cut my teeth.

I’ve seen many friends become parents and they all seem to do it their way. It’s all very different but it all seems to work, I wonder how many of them had the pressure that I feel trying to measure up to a great man. It was in considering this that I realized my dad created two expectations for me. The first was to try hard. Try hard every day, even when you don’t want to. Try hard when things are heard and when things are easy and try hard when you don’t even like what you’re trying. Always, be proud of your effort.

The second life philosophy was harder to put into action but helped because I had a great role model. It was important that I always treat people well. Offer dignity to all and give everyone an opportunity to earn respect. With each passing day I realize that the world hasn’t gotten more selfish it’s simply that as a species we improve so slowly it is almost imperceptible. Humans have always been selfish. That’s why we need to try. That’s why we need to try hard. Treat everyone else around you well. The only legacy we can all truly lead is that we made life better for those around us. We loved those who loved us and cared for the well being of all.

I’m 40 and here I am embarking on something new. I’m going to try. I’m going to try really hard to live up to the example that was set for me and be the best dad Chewy could ask for. I don’t even know you yet and I know that I love you. I can’t wait to meet you and I can’t wait to introduce you to the world.

Punch it Chewy!

Playoff Format for Divsion D

For those of you who did not catch Calling the Audible this week and have not noticed the Playoff Breakdown tab in the Division Standings page, I wanted to take the opportunity to post it here. Simply put:

Div D1 will consist of: Teams 1-6 and Teams 19-24 (Seeds 1-4 will have a 1st-Round Bye)
Div D2 will consist of: Teams 7-18 (Teams 7-10 will have a 1st-Round Bye)

We decided to split the teams after the season started rather than prior because we know that at times teams want to add players or register with players who end up bailing and this penalizes some teams. Also, the teams were so close in terms of perceived talent that it seemed best to group them all in one division. Given the sheer size of the division, it also made the most sense to subdivide it.

Rather than breaking it down linearly as the top 12 teams play each other in one bracket and the next 12 play each other in the subsequent, we decided to divide it as such so that firstly, the regular season felt like it had weight. Secondly, we wanted to avoid a decent, but not top-tier team from tanking into the lower bracket. Sure, we expect their may be blowouts in the first round of the D-1 post season. However, that’s the consequence of being the 24th team to qualify for the playoffs. You SHOULD have the toughest path.

In my opinion, there has never been a difference in prestige between winning in one division or another. Everyone is competing, or should be at the highest level that they are capable of. However, this is going to be especially true for division D. While D-1 is top heavy with some of the best teams in the entire division squaring off to do battle, D-2 looks like it’s going to be an absolute gauntlet and I, for one, find that exciting.

If you haven’t heard us talk about Iggy and I do go through it on Calling the Audible as I mentioned above. Here’s a link so you can catch up on the show.

Two sets of problems

I wanted to focus this week’s article on two types of teams. Firstly, teams that could pose a threat for upset in the latter half of the standings who can pose a threat in the Division D-2 playoff matchup. The second set of problems are teams who, if they find themselves at the bottom of the Division D1 Playoff Standings can do damage.

The First Problem

The Stallions are the stable of horses from the Division E Primetime franchise. There are a lot of familiar names but, here in Division D, the season hasn’t gone as expected. However, This team, similar to Primetime in division E will be a hard out in the playoffs. The team move away from Daniel Spina at quarterback for weeks 3-5, however, they do seem to have committed to him for the stretch run.

Spina has been a little inconsistent but has shown sparks this season. He was intercepted by Harrison Tang on the third play of the second half this week in their game against Save the Turftles and the game really went sideways after that. It was a tough break especially since he was able to punch it in just prior ot the close of the first half (making it a one score game and getting the ball back in the second half). That said, Eric Deschambault is a very talented receiver and is apt to leave any defender chasing his flowing long hair. Carter Condon and Alessio Muro are also incredibly effective receivers but, their presence along with Ashton Miller on a defense anchored by the insane rush of Ethan Adrian make them a team to watch for in the second season.

They do play a tough game against Idaho Udapimps to end the season and if they do lose this one I think there’s a chance for them to also qualify for the next set of problems as a team that could actually upset a top seed in Division D-1.

Similarly poised to cause utter chaos is No Ragrets (yes autocorrect, Ragrets). No Ragrets are an aging group. This is made clear by their team name that is a reference to an internet sensation that they feel is current but is actually so old is was previously referenced in the movie “We’re the Miller’s” which is, at the time of this article, a decade old. In all seriousness, Angelo “Aggie” Kalaidopoulos has been around a long time and he’s a name that is very familiar to FPF faithful. Jason Rossi, Scott Binns and Chris Brockwell are all FPF 35+ faithful and i like this attempt at taking a run at Division D. Where the age helps them is that they’ve played many seasons combined and clearly knew not to panic early in the season as they started 1-3 and have since rattled off three straight wins.

An FPF season feels as though it’s controlled by a deity who has the power to manipulate the constructs of space and time. At times the season can seem so short that it brings clarity to the oft maligned Yogi Berra quote “It’s getting late early”. However, with a twist of the hourglass and the clench of a fist the sands of time show their restraint and a team seemingly destined for disappointment realizes “there’s plenty of time to turn things around”. This has been the case for this group. The other key advantage is their experience and rugged style means they know exactly how much physicality they can get away with once the playoffs begin and intensity hangs overhead like the thick muggy air of late summer nights.

Red Dragons have a path to the Division D-2 playoffs. I think they’re well suited ot this bracket because, when Guillaume Boulanger is at his best he’s got something special about him. I Understand that it hasn’t been there game in and game out and I know that consistency is the way to win playoff games in FPF. However, while he has only had two games with a QBR greaters than 100, those two games saw him post quarterback ratings of 153.0 and 134.5 respectively. He also feels like a signal caller who’s just at the point where he’s about to make the leap into another level of play. You never really know when you crawl over that plateau and reach new heights.

One day you’re nervous in the huddle and the next you can call on a sense of inner peace. Each drop back feels like you’ve frozen time and on plays where you miraculously got rid of the ball now feel like you have an eternity to go through your options. This state of flow, this moment of conscious being passing through you like a continuous stream is as beautiful as it is temporary. The conclusion of a timeless expanse of eternal moments the result is always an abrupt collision with passage of time. This exchange between the ethereal and the momentary is why anyone plays Quarterback; a truly discernable ability to be at one with concept, space, time and execution. Heraclitus expressed that “no man ever steps in the same water twice, for it is not the same river and we are not the same man”. Reaching that next level of play is to hold the memories of all the men you once were and explore new waters with the knowledge, intuition and perception of all the river’s you’ve ever walked through.

I believe Guillaume Boulanger is right at that threshold. If he can tap into that Red Dragons can be an exciting team if they win their last game against Blitz Sisters. They also have a tie-break against Ballz Deep and if fortune smiles upon them, they may see themselves poised to make a move in the D-2 playoffs. Charles Beauchemin has emerged in a fairly consistent receiver room and made himself the chain mover for this offense. Look for him to get leaned on in key moments that aren’t always reflected in that stat sheet.

My Favorite Mandela Effect Conspiracies

There exists a theory that either this world is a simulation (or one of many) and certain events that we remember to have transpired one way actually seem to have transpired entirely differently. The most famous example of this is that there are those who believe that Nelson Mandela died in prison in the 1980s rather than the early 2000s (when he did). This phenomenon was coined by researcher Fiona Broome. The second theory is that there are parallel universes where our reality exists with different results and these false memories are evidence of the simulation or the parallel universes running askew and revealing themselves to us. There are several examples of what has been misremembered through time but I decided to list my top 5 favorite. What is a sports article without a top 5 afterall:

5. Mr.Monopoly’s Monocle: It may shock you to know tha the Monopoly Man does not and never did have a monocle. I know, he’s often described of having one and my friend’s first burner account (the first burner account I was even aware of) was the Maniacal Monocle, a reference to the Monopoly Man’s eyewear.

4. Pikachu’s Tail: So I’m not a Pokemon dude. I caught none of it growing up. It was popular at a time where I was just passed the target demographic. That said, we were all surrounded by a ton of Pikachu references in pop culture, toys, artwork, and themes. I could swear his tail was yellow and black. Instead, it was simply yellow. Dude was more Coldplay than Wiz Khalifa I guess.

3. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: This one is a big one for me. This was the first movie I ever got to watch in the theater. My mom took my cousin and I to the Palace Theatre (yup that was a place). In any case, the Wicked Queen never says: “Mirror, Mirror on the wall…” she in fact starts that sentence with “Magic Mirror”… This is as terrifying as remembering Darth Vader saying “Luke, I am your father” (he doesn’t) or Hannibal Lecter saying “Hello Clarice” (he doesn’t).

2. We Are the Champions: People clearly remember Freddie Mercury reaching a final crescendo before finally belting out “of the worlllllllllllld”. However, this never happened. Those lyrics were never in the song, he never sang them and we never heard them save for our drunken friends giving terrible renditions after sporting events or at karaoke.

1. Shazam: So I remember watching this. I also remember watching Shaq’s Kazam. I thought these were just two similar movies that came out a couple of years apart. I do however remember watching Sinbad as a genie in my lifetime. Many people recall specific scenes. Yet, I can assur you no such movie exists.

I often joke with my wife that there is an alternate universe populated with other versions of us (Peeze-ternate and Fauxtalia). Perhaps when they shop for Fruit of the Loom there is a cornucopia on the Logo.

The Second Problem

On the other side of a game mentioned previously was Save the Turftles who came out ahead of the Stallions. They’ve been underwhelming but it seems as though they’ve made the full-time switch to Vincent Cheung at quarterback. The Primetime Game saw both Sebastien Noel and Simon Imbach in attendance but Cheung took the snaps at the pivot. This means to me that he wasn’t subbing but rather the reigns were handed to him. I have felt for a while, despite Cheiung’s ability as a receiver, the team is best served having him at the Quarterback position.

The team lost that aforementioned battle against Primetime but it was Cheung who gave them a chance on a late pick 6 to bring the game into respectable, one-score loss territory. This is a team that is far better than they’ve been to start the season. With no shade thrown at Sebastien Noel, Vincent Chung is simply better and the team is better when he’s the decision maker. Ig Cheung remains the quarterback through the playoffs, Save the Turftles are one of the few teams I can see upsetting the top teams in the Division D-1 bracket.

The Rude Sacks are a team that is “figuring it out”. They have an two impressive showings this year. They beat West Island Boys as they prevented Zach Stacey from converting the tying two point conversion after Nico Smartzis scored his second touchdown of the game. Against Idaho Udapimps they were able to take a lead into half time and just let the game slip from their grasp as the team was unable to increase their lead when two way standout Jeremy Pelltier intercepted a pass with one play remaining till halftime.

Now, I’m not saying the Rude Sacks should tank into a much more top-heavy D1 playoff. In fact the playoff split was created in large part to avoid tanking altogether. However, if they fall into the latter half of the standings Rude Sacks could be an interesting dark horse in the post season. Trevor Ruffner has been a revelation for Rude Sacks and has posted numbers we haven’t seen from him since he took the field with Favre Dollar Footlongs in 2012.

Musings, Ramblings, Lies and Other Assortments

Jeff Rosentstache…that is all
For the life of me I can’t understand why Blitz Sisters are struggling. I thought they would have figured it out by now.
My wife refuses to believe Sinbad was never a genie!
A TD run by QB Matthew Caponi and two pick sixes by Jared Boidman and Mass Chricostamade it so that the Penetrators have become the quietest 6-1 we’ve ever seen.
If you’re Red Dragons you need to MAKE SURE Vincent Bolullo is at every game. 19 sacks in 6 games is insanity. There’s a chance he wins DPOY with only 7 games played this season.
Congrats to Sub-Zero and Les Bleues for competing in the Women’s National Final. Sub-Zero of course get’s the special shout out becaus eof their one point victory!
If you don’t follow Cedric Grolet on Instagram than you clearly don’t have naughty dreams about pastries. This is an admission and I’m good with it.
I feel like it may have come off like I was ragging on Daron Migdesyan and I wasn’t. I love the dude and think he’s great. He just does not, as of yet, have Hall of Fame qualifications. That’s just Moe Khan being his Livvy to his Baby Gronk.
The Longhorns took it to Why So Serious this week. This game was a battle between two teams that really shouldn’t be this bad. Longhorns are old. There’s no nice way to say that. Aging was several blocks back but it feels as though they haven’t developed their old man game. Why So Serious just need a better playbook. Frankie Colatrella is trying too hard and the reads don’t need to be that difficult.
People who didn’t expect Dillon Brooks to get signed to an NBA team don’t understand defense. I get it, dude’s annoying, the dude thinks he can shoot and CANNOT. His defensive skill is still far above most in the NBA and that’s huge.
Look, I don’t have time to proof read. It is what it is.
I’ve started to wonder if X-Men have been a big fish in a small pond. The ratings will catch up with them soon but the team’s talent disparity seems so large that it doesn’t seem to matter who the QB is.
I watched the movie Street Kings last night. My god the writing is terrible but, it’s shocking to see how good the acting performances were despite being given a canal street Training Day at table read.
The Born in the 80’s/Les Bleues Dry score sheet is the wildest I’ve seen in a while David DeAndrade got away with throwing 3 interceptions because somehow Frederic Juneau was unable to move the ball. Over the last three weeks Juneau has thrown only 8 touchdowns. They’re starting to look vulnerable.
Where does one throw against Les Renard Vifs Joel Therrien, William Benoit and Isaac Fulham make it so there’s very little room to work.
As good as Idaho Udapimps have been Brady Ohanessian as seemingly flown under the radar. He’s missed two game but after throwing 18 touchdowns in his last 3 games he now boasts at 31 TD and two int line heading into week 9.
Dilf Gang are officially sliding. They have lost three straight. Matteo Callari has seemingly proclaimed himself as the team’s top threat after a two touchdown performance gives him a team leading 6 touchdowns.
With a big few games (he has two remaining) Francois Rochette of Bandits d’Ahuntsic may make a case for WROY. Justin Lerner and Matthew Zeppetelli’s 19 touchdowns a piece may be hard to catch however. This is especially true of Zeppetelli who has a game left to play.
Braves (under the moniker Team Canada) also had an amazing showing at the finals despite a loss in the finals. It’s a shame Dan Lazarra wasn’t able to go in the Semis otherwise First Class had a real chance to advance and we would have had an all-FPF men’s final as well.
Painting stencils is so much more work than I thought it would be.

Film Study: GOTW

I don’t want to recap the game between Big Fat Bats and Primetime. We can all watch the game and I’ll include a link here. However, I did want to go through some of my thoughts as I watched the latest offering from FPF videographer Chris Rivest.

The first thing I noted as I watched was after a confident and intelligent drive put together by Big Fat Bats Qb Matthew Zeppetelli, the young signal caller threw a pass that was intercepted and returned for a touchdown by Isaac Auger. Auger scored a touchdown on the previous drive and now, just outside his own redzone he was able to undercut a drag route to AJ Zeppetelli. A lot of people may have commentary about Matt Zeppetelli’s sidearm delivery here. I don’t quite think that’s the issue. He quite apt at throwing from different platforms and I wouldn’t take that away from him. He did try and place the ball a little too preciously and that’s the issue. I can struggle with this too at times. He’s just got to throw that ball harder, lead his receiver and expect his man to make the play. He floated another pass on the next drive to Joe Morgese that got there but was not without anxiety.

Louis-Davide Lamarre seems to be too quick to move from his platform. He was chased off by Luca Leccese (granted Luca is a great rusher) but he then proceeded to throw a deep hanging pass over the middle of the field that was only caught because Nicky Farinaccio is probably the most talented receiver in this division. Scratch that, definitely the most talented player in the division. Man looks like he’s another species. Either way it worked out during the second drive of the game but that’s not a great decision. No sooner of course did I write that and look up to see Matthew Zeppetelli doing something similar and being rewarded with a ball that went OVER the outstretched arm of Farinaccio and caught by Ryan “Riverdale Archie” McNally for a first down.

My god does James Drysdale look bored at 3:02.

AJ Zeppetelli was left alone on that post to start the second half. Great read to attack 1-5 with the post. That was a bizarre decision by Primetime given that AJ Zeppetelli works out of the slot and that he’s at 65 targets through this part of the season. Nicky Farinaccio was pointing after the play so maybe there was some miscommunication.

Great sideline fade by Antoine Couture. Positioned himself perfectly and the ball was perfectly delivered (if a touch inside by Louis-David Lamarre). This was followed by great body control on the catch by AJ Zepetelli as he adjusted to a back shoulder throw on a wheel route and kept his feet in bounds setting up yet another touchdown by the star receiver. Isaac Auger had some great moments in this game but between missing Matthew Zeppetelli’s flag on a touchdown run and poorly defending this wheel route, he knows he could have played better defensively despite the earlier pick 6. He also got undressed by AJ Zep’s in-out-in route (colloquially called the Dez by FPF veteran Alex David).

I really do enjoy watching Pierre-Olivier Andrieux work. He’s a bigger dude but he runs like an escaped convict amid the third act of a Hurricane Heist. More so he has great awareness and is able to position his body away from defenders to create an opening for his qb. It also allows him to shake defenders who are in pursuit of his flags. If you aren’t an elite runner, this guy should be your tutorial on how to get open and maximize yards.

The second pick 6 (I feel you Matthew, we’ve all been there before) I actually think while Matthew Zeppetelli throws that ball into the wrong window and allows Nathan Girouard-Langlois to break on the pass. However, I believe the intended receiver was Luca Leccese and he does appear to slow down prior to the ball being released. While not entirely on him, the receiver can’t abandon his route. If he finishes it there’s a chance he gets to the ball first or can, at the very least, knock it down.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate Ryan Mcnally. Dude caught the onside conversion in traffic, made an early grab to get the drive going and then held on to the ball as he got taken to the ground in an obvious penalty. This would set up a touch down pass to big, bad, Joe Morgese and a filthy route that AJ Zeppetelli would use to convert the go ahead convert. He takes a step forward then places his back leg behind him as if he’s going to cut inward, then goes up field whilst taking the inside shade as if he’s going to go around his defender in and at the back of the endzone and then explodes outward to the sideline for a 1 pt attempt that gave BFB a late lead. It’s not a traditional approach to route running but it was masterful. Isaac Auger in coverage had no answer except to ask for help from the official.

Of course Auger then catches the game winner on the last play of the game. I think the Big Fat Bats defense was a little soft on the previous play. I figure that most QB’s with two plays are trying to get to half-field and then take a shot from their or beyond. It felt like a very soft cover 3 by Big Fat Bats where no one was accounting for the in-cutter. The closest defender was Daniel Curiale who seems to have released the dig route. However with no one covering the intermediate middle there’s no one to release it to. That was ultimately the decision that won the game for Primetime and that was a great call and execution by Louis-David Lamarre.

Monday’s Merry Metalworks

For those who have any thoughts, commentary or complaints, I am very easy to find. I’m @PeezeFPF on twitter, @pdellarocca and Peeze Della Reeze on Facebook. You can also take a chance by emailing me at [email protected] but I don’t check it because it’s a variety of emails trying to sell me baby mattresses, pool cleaning supplies and 3rd attempt finances for vehicles. I really need to use incognito mode.

Remember that each week you can join the party on our Facebook page or at www.youtube.com/flagplus on our weekly podcast: Calling the Audible where Moe Khan, Iggy Magnets, Eagle and I talk about everything that is FPF

Till next week, I want to thank you falettineme be mice elf agin!