An Introduction, Non-Linear Timelines and False Kings
Paolo Della Rocca
26-02-2022 09:19 PM
Dramatis Personae
For those not familiar with Latin or who have never held a playbill in their hands, this section is to offer a quick introduction to the people responsible for the media content for this division. I will list them and then craft a series of lies so that the actual content in each paragraph becomes a veritable Where’s Waldo.
Peeze (aka Paolo Della Rocca): Due to FPF, most people who know me know me as Peeze. I’ll be your guide through division 6 this season. It is my job to inform and entertain. My style is a little off-beat but I’d like to think my readers are what Ralph Waldo Emerson described as follows: “Who so would be a man must be a nonconformist”. It’s going to be an unbalanced, and sometimes psychedelic ride through the season. I hope you do enjoy it. I will do my best to be fair and balanced while being firmly entrenched in my biases.
I want my work to be as interactive as possible so please feel free to reach out to me on Facebook (where my name is Peeze Della Reeze), Instagram (pdellarocca) or twitter @PeezeHSS. I’ve played in the league for a long time. I’ve also helped a lot of players and teams with play calling and concepts so if you’re new feel free to contact me to ask for help. FPF is a great community and as competitive as we are, we all want to help you and don’t want anyone to be trash.
Moe Khan: Broadcaster and scorekeeper extraordinaire. Moe Khan and I have worked together for a long time. Much like Micahel Scott of the office, he loves inside jokes and hopes one day to be a part of one. Moe hosts the weekly podcast Calling the Audible where we will break down each division every single week!
The Eagle at Master Control: Touching knobs and pushing buttons; Eagle may never be able to keep his hands to himself. Before you insist that I call HR, remember that without him you’d never be able to hear my sensuous, sultry voice or see my pretty blue eyes on the podcast. He keeps the entire ship afloat and that’s why we hate him.
Calling the Audible: Sure it’s a podcast. It’s also a character. It goes off the rails continuously and no one can keep it on the rails. We record it after games every Thursday and we will do our best to entertain while we cover the entire league. Please subscribe to our channel on You Tube or on Spotify/most major podcast platforms. The weekly podcast should be out every Friday morning.
Additional Characters/Content:
Game of The Week: Chris Rivest is the dude you’ll be seeing at select games now and again. He’ll be filming our game of the week. This is a feature where we highlight a game (in varying divisions) each week and we get to watch an FPF game from the comfort of your own YouTube.
Instagram: Lance Daniel prowls the sidelines and lurks for all FPF story lines and Drama. Follow us on instagram for daily FPF content from polls, to videos and all sorts of action. This is a great way to interact with the league and truly make this an interactive experience.
Photography: Week 2 is picture week. It’s the time of the season that we take team pictures and individual profile pics for players who do not have one. Additionally, you may notice James D’Andrea snapping pics at the fields. We do this to add to our content. Our Articles, podcasts and social media posts try to capture you at your best and worst moments.
The Roadshow: Every season culminates with a celebration of flag football known as the roadshow. We set up at the field and broadcast the championship games complete with play-by-play, color, multiple camera angles and replay challenges. It really is a special experience!
Musings, Ramblings, Lies and Other Assortments
- Ignacio Valdez Manzanedo usually writes the division 4 article but the dude is a slacker. So expect some work from the illustrious Will Power now and again.
- Off Island Boys and West Island boys thought they were clever. I will admit, it was much more creative than Flag Football Team
- James Moulton had a great start for the Brewers. His 115 yards is tops in Divison 6.
- Great job passing regressive laws Florida, the world made too much progress so it was time to bring back hatred and intolerance (more on this next week.)
- Luca Leccese had a great season as a receiver last season. He made an impact on defense and recorded 2 sacks for Big Fat Bats.
- Incredible thought: if I lived life in a linear fashion and you lived life backwards, the first time I met you would be the last time you ever saw me.
- Team Poland is still somewhat of an unknown quantity in FPF but they did score on a third of their possessions. That’s not half bad for week 1
- There can’t be a more anthropomorphic game than Wild Hogs and Flamingos. The pink birds are kinda hoping that the Hogs are a little more akunamathata than Rocksteady
- Calling this a winter season is bizarre considering that most of the season will take place in spring.
Memories, Hallucinations and Observations
Toute Garnie but with No Toppings to Write Home About
Shut outs are tough. The games feel like they are infinitely long and the long faces in the huddle as they look back at the quarterback are hard to deal with. This was surely the case as 5 faces kept returning to Matt Leblanc and he had few answers. It’s like when someone asks me why so many people like Friends. Some questions have no corresponding answers. Of his first 11 passes Matt Leblanc completed none and was intercepted by George and Ari Zergiotis. Matthew Goodfellow led the way for Toute Garnie’s receiving core with a paltry 17 yards.
Jacob Soles was not a ton better for Primetime. He completed only 9 passes and if not for his 73 yards on the ground Primetime’s offense would have been contained to a similar level of constipation. What paid off for primetime is that they were often in good field position due to their defense (a bad snap-safety didn’t hurt either). Primetime takes the week 1 game by a score of 24-0. Toute Garnie will try to rebound and score their first points of the season against Flag Football Team.
The Misters Irrelevant
The last player taken in the 7th and final round of the NFL draft is colloquially known as Mr.Irrelevant. The 7th Rounders are looking to make that team name a little more tongue-in-cheek. They kicked the season off with a 24-6 win against Betway Bandits. Julian Cheaib had 4 career touchdowns in his career and he matched it in his first offering of the season. Cheaib was in charge from jumpstreet as he led an 11 play drive and capped it off with a 1 yard touchdown to Phillipe Major (one of his two scores for the game).n Francis Savard-Vocino and Thomas Ste-Marie added the other two receiving touchdowns.
Betway Bandits answered early with a 40 yard touchdown pass from James Patterson to Tomas Colicchio. However, this would be the end of their offensive success. Tyler Havlena took over at quarterback and was unable to get the offense going. Despite the long score, Betway only averaged 3.2 yards per play during their 7 possessions. That first pass would account for 57% of BB’s passing yards and 44.4% of their total yards for their first game of the season. Betway Bandits need to hit the drawing board soon otherwise you can feel free to bet unders in all of their games.
False Kings University
Let’s assume the Melons didn’t change their name in an effort to be vulgar. Instead, let’s assume that FKU is in response to an ongoing bit on our Podcast Calling the Audible. Whenever teams have a strong record due to having played a weak schedule we crown them False Kings. I made the mistake on the podcast thinking this was last season’s FSU (guys, it was a three hour show with a single host and a producer, we’re gonna make mistakes).
Melons had some good moments last season. They improved quickly so it’s great to see them start the season with a 1-0 record. Manny Bizogias, Reece Miller and Leo Diakoumakos are great pieces and they showed that in the first week as all of them recorded touchdown catches. Nino Lomardi also added a score.
Lionhearts have not yet solved their issues at QB. This is a death sentence in FPF. Anthony Innacronz took the snaps at QB. If this is going to be their solution moving forward, they need to commit to him and he needs to find a playbook that will suit his style and allow him to use the pieces on his team. Joe Morgese is a really smart FPF player so I’m sure he’s doing his best to imprint an intelligent offense and defensive strategy. Lionhearts did convert 50% of their third down attempts which is great. However, the 3 interceptions
Declarations of Bravado
This is my favorite thing to do. While I dislike predictions in sports, I do like making grandiose, largely-unfounded statements about teams and the seasons that they’ve yet to play. The main reason I love doing it is that a few moments upon reading the article neither you or I will remember what I wrote. For a fleeting moment you will largely be offended by where I’ve ranked your team. Isn’t that what life is all about?
- Beer Knights (1-0): I know a team needs more than just a quarterback but, Frankie Scalzo strikes me as being slightly too good for the division. At times his style leads to impatience but if he can play within himself BK will be good.
- Tropic Thunder (1-0): Tyler Grondin returns but it appears that Mikael Arseneau has taken the reins at quarterback. The result was a 52 point explosion. If this is a sign of things to come, think of upgrading this tropical storm to Hurricane.
- Killer Rays (1-0): I liked this team a lot in the Fall. Killer Rays were a little inconsistent down the stretch but, led by Evan White’s 2 interception/single pick 6 performance, Killer rays seemed poised for improvement this Winter season.
- Glory Boyz (1-0): Six interceptions is a big deal and Glory Boyz punished their opponents with such a performance. Peter Cote and Antonio Venturino both recorded a pair of picks in the opener.
- Cavalier de Rohan (1-0): They were Chevaliers and now they are a single Cavalier. That may reference a terrible car but Rohan looks down to do some damage this season. Felix Gange was heavily targeted in week 1. His 10 targets are far more eye popping than his 5 catches. If he gets going, he will put up some serious stats this season.
- Tune Squad (1-0): Week one was a little close for comfort. Charles Presser is my favorite for two-way player of the year this season. An int and a TD in week one gives him a good head start.
- The Spanish Inquisition (0-1): Chad Buck struggled in week 1. I’m curious to see what the team looks like with the return of Michael Timmins.
- V-Town (0-0-1): Ties suck but, I will say that Jonathan Velasco impressed me a lot. He turns the ball over a little too much for comfort and it cost V-Town a win in the opener. However, if he can get that under control he may have a special season ahead of him.
- The Penetrators (0-1-0): Had the Penetrators showed up on time they would have won the game. If not for the awarded points at the beginning of the game Penetrators outscored Demons 14-13
- The Stormers: (1-0): David Cretien turned both of his catches into touchdowns. You gotta love that efficiency.
Visions of the World of Tomorrow
Saturday’s Sloppy Seconds
For those who have any thoughts, commentary or complaints, I am very easy to find. I’m @peezehss on twitter, @pdellarocca and Peeze Della Reeze on facebook. You can also take a chance by emailing me at [email protected] but I don’t check it because it’s a death trap of junk emails all trying to sell me hair and penis growth solutions. I really need to use incognito mode.
Folks, if your team is struggling, Eagle, Moe, (any of the media guys really), and I love talking flag. Let us know how we can help, let us know if you have any questions. Hey, even if you have some incredible thoughts, I’m always down for a foggy and faded descent into introspection.
Remember that each week you can join the party on our Facebook page or at www.youtube.com/flagplus on our weekly podcast: Calling the Audible. We are still trying to figure out when the shows will be available and how to get it live on air.
Till next week, I want to thank you falettineme be mice elf agin!