A case against Oprah’s Presidency, The Battle of Anatomy and one Crappy Cooking Joke

Peeze’s Playbook

Week 1

By Paolo Della Rocca

I did not watch the Golden Globes. It wasn’t a boycott or anything of the sort. I believe in the #MeToo movement and Time’s Up campaign. An argument can be made that this is a time for nuance and proper journalism and due process rather than the “Gotch-ya” broad brush environment that we are currently living in. However, few could argue (successfully) that giving women a voice to talk about when they’ve been wronged and when they have felt powerless is important. I personally hate those who make the argument that an “award’s ceremony” is not the right venue to draw attention to those movements. To do so would be asinine and would once again allow the prevailing notion that men get to decide when women are allowed to speak out about sexual misconduct and sexual assault. No, none of this is why I chose not to watch the Golden Globes.

I didn’t watch it cause award shows are stupid and shallow. Attempting to measure art as if through a quantitative prism is a broken and futile process. In reality is a three hour long pitch for movies and shows that you may or may not like anyway and for clothing that few people can scarcely afford.

I did however, get the chance to watch Oprah Winfrey’s speech. The prevalence of non-monetized sub-10 minute video clips have largely become how we consume media, news and pornography in 2018. So I decided to indulge in a video clip that everyone was talking about. By this I mean Oprah Winfrey’s nearly poetic pseudo presidential speech and not the most popularly viewed and poorly tagged video that does not actually include heavy spanking. Since then there has been a popular outcry for the popular TV Personality and largely successful business woman.

Oprah Winfrey should not be the next president. At least, not based on one speech that spoke to the sensibilities of a large portion of the population. My chief argument is that being a television personality and being a successful business person does not qualify someone for the office of president. Had I written that sentence 3 years ago, this would have been the most obvious statement ever committed to ink and paper. The orange tinted Trump presidency definitely has changed that.

The counter argument to what I believe is an air-tight thesis is the prevailing notion that “well Donald Trump was a TV personality and business man”. That is correct; and how’s that working out for planet earth right now. Oprah Winfrey is certainly a more refined speaker than Trump but then again so is Simon Dagenais and he is basically a pull-string doll spouting prerecorded clichés. Anyone who wouldn’t refer to other countries as “shitholes” would be a step up. Heck, my articles are riddled with typos (I blame editor Justin Blanchard) and I’ve never typed Covfefe. Would that make the Simon Dagenais and I the next best candidates to make America Great(er) Again?

The only reason we claim Oprah Winfrey to be an interesting and valuable potential candidate is that she is in the public eye. Is this to say that the best candidates to run a world’s super power are those that we are familiar with? If such is the case we have all truly descended into a state of Idiocracy (awesome movie by the way). Present evidence does suggest that is the case as two of the three largest countries in North America are run by a man who was elected for his last name alone and another for whom we can strongly make the case may be senile. Neither of course were references to Mexican President: Enrique Pena Nieto. That’s right Mexico is a part of North America. A fact that a large portion reading this article will sadly need to go to Wikipedia to verify.

It was never more clear to me that the way that modern media spins politics is a binary view where you must support a singular candidate and hate the other. More so you must hate those who support the opposing candidate. This seems odd for a system whose premise should be a democratic foundation. It appears that elections have become sporting events and we’d rather wave foam fingers than think rationally about individual issues. Why would it seem possible that you could agree with EVERY stance that a candidate has. I love and respect my father, we are similar people, we don’t agree on EVERYTHING. To have no independent thought is truly frightening yet, we are willing to elect a president based on a single speech without subjecting her to the rigors of actual critical evaluation.

Then again, it would be fun to hear her say “You get a tax break! And you get a tac break! And you get a tax break!

Weekly Recap: Division 6

Pink: Not Even a Question

All my thoughts about Fighting Flamingos have changed. All that I thought I knew was incorrect. However, my understanding was that this team would have either Brad Evans or Jesse Recine at quarterback. When I arrived at Brossard on Saturday I saw that Stephen Harripersaud was set to take snaps for the Pink adorned Fighting Flamingos. This makes this team an immediate contender. One play in particular sticks in my mind. Harripersaud moved 2-3 steps to his left, stopped, reset his feet and delivered a perfect pass on a skinny post on his left side to Troy Lendvay for a late first half touchdown. In his first game in FPF Lendvay scored 4 touchdowns on 6 passes. On defense Mathieu Lacharite gave Michael “Sun” Deguire fits and constantly pushed the rookie pivot to throw into coverage.

Deguire never looked comfortable in this game. His footwork was constantly disturbed by Mathieu Lacharite. The one receiver he seemed to have a good rapport with was Charles Verreault who caught 6 passes and scored twice. The Diablos have a decent squad and Deguire has a decent arm but my initial impressions is that his plays have reads that are too complicated for him to make with a rusher closing in on him. What happened more often than not was when the first read wasn’t open Deguire would throw downfield into a contested area. Hopefully successful FPF quarterback Francois Martin can help his teammate improve quickly in this area.

Not Fast, Just Furious About Losing

Jared Buck was a quarterback that thoroughly impressed me when I saw him play in the Spring. I do believe his receiving corps on Just For The Reps was better than he has on 2 Flags, 1 Cup. However, I did expect that Jared Buck was good enough to get guys open with his play calling and would not be affected by the drop off in talent. The first game did not show us that version of Mr. Buck. The bulk of his passes were forced to Chad Buck who did catch a touchdown but, that would be Chad Buck’s only catch of the game. NFJF did have a lot of subs that tend to plague the first week of the winter season each year. However, as I mentioned, I didn’t expect this to affect NFJF the way it did.

Zach Jauniaux is a fast human being. His reputation as such is familiar in some of the highest divisions in FPF. There is definitely some potential for him at the quarterback position. However, he will definitely need to improve his reads and improve generally as a thrower. Jauniaux was intercepted 3 times and honestly never seemed at home in the pocket. In his best moments he was using his legs to get yards and buy time. Snapper Andrew Vanslet developed into a decent target for 2 flags, 1 Cup as the game wore on and 3 of his 5 catches were touchdowns. Alex Desluariers had a lesser impact in this specific game but I expect him to be the star on this team by seasons end. When all was said and done at the end of week 1, 2 Flags, 1 Cup had beaten Not Fast, Just Furious by a score of 25-13.

Diversity: You Know, the Old Wooden Ship

I arrived at the field as this game approached half time. I stood with score keeper Stefano Berardi as he told me “it’s a dude’s legs vs. a dude’s arm”. This intrigued me and I stayed to watch a good portion of a game that I had not initially intended to cover. This game did not disappoint. Massimo Ciccchini “dude’s arm” was impressive. Not many quarterbacks in D6 play the game with a surgical approach but Cicchini seemed to truly have an understanding about taking what the defense was giving him and marched the ball effectively. Cicchini completed 74% of his passes. Matthew Gagliardi had a pretty big game hauling in 4 passes for 73 yards. However, it soon became clear that whenever Cicchini crossed midfield and wanted to strike he turned to Matthew “The Hunt For red October” Cocolicchio. Cocolicchio recorded 4 touchdowns in this game and was virtually unstoppable. Matthew Gagliardi had a decent game on defense as he did manage to sack Greg Castiel twice.

Decent is a pejorative in this case as while Castiel was sacked twice Greg “Legs” ran for 100 yards in 7 attempts and scored on one of those runs. Greg Castiel is a very good athlete who constantly used his vision and speed to continue drives and make plays in the face of a fairly competent defense. I wonder how long talented receivers like Noah Groper and Jonathan Perez will be ok with this lack of target share. However, for the moment, this style of play is exciting. It is definitely an easier pill to swallow after a win as Channel 4 News Team went on to win this game 32-30. Rock beats scissors and on this day, legs beat arm.

Weekly Recap: Division 6D

GET OFF MY PLANE!!!

The difficulty in evaluating new teams in FPF is that there isn’t a sample size to base it on. Air Force 1 is a group of veritable unknowns who we knew little about in their first FPF season. Many of them played tackle football and I sat down with a former coach of theirs (Alex David) to get a feel for this group of youngsters.

Edouard Arsenault caught 2 touchdowns against the Blacksox. His crafty and intelligent route running allowed him to get open. His commitment to his craft and his focus on technique were what coach David glowed about regarding the new receiver for the Geants de St-Jean. Nic Dumitru is a true burner and is an excellent counterpart to Aresenault. He added a pair of touchdowns as well. A lot of credit has to go to Simon Blais who Alex David describes as an “excellent leader and [a quarterback] who is confident in making any throw”. His entire repertoire was on display in his first FPF game where he went 13/19 for 109 yards and threw 3 touchdowns while leading Air Force 1 to a 38-14 win.

Blacksox are still searching for their first FPF win. Jeremy Rooney did a decent job in the absence of their newly acquired free agent quarterback who is set to make his first start on week 2. Defensive play-caller Mike Addona was also absent and the Blacksox seemed to suffer for it. Speedster Nico Lanni averaged over 20 yards per catch and had the expected impact on the game. However, seeing Mario Falato with only once catch for 3 yards and a touchdown shows me that he was criminally underused. Blacksox will definitely be improved this season but will need to have their entire roster present and to best use the pieces on this team.

Baker Boys: Convected

This game had a bizarre start to the game. Sick Bick intended to start quarterback Jon Perez who subbed for another team (Channel 4 News Team) prior to his game. This game then started and Perez took a snap and ran a play. At the conclusion of the play, scorekeeper Stefano Berardi informed Perez that he was not eligible to play in this game. The referees and both captains conferred and decided to restart the game without Jon Perez. It was clear in this scenario that there was no ill-intent. It was the first week in division 6 with a multitude of new players. This scenario was well handled by all involved.

Jordan Cardinal had a tough first FPF start. Cardinal threw for only two touchdowns and threw 4 interceptions in the process. Before this game was done he was relieved at the pivot by the man who was the Baker Boys lead receiver to that point: Joey Musumeci. Musumeci took snaps behind centre after catching 5 passes for 67 yards and recording a touchdown. One would even say he looked far more confident and capable at the quarterback position Than Cardinal. Defensively another bright spot emerged with Chris Marcovichio who knocked 3 passes down.

On the other side of the ball we saw Benji Seigler step in, with no notice at quarterback. We suspected he would be the star of Sick Bick heading into the season but a 109.7 QB rating in a game where he didn’t expect to throw was simply amazing. On defense he was essentially running the routes for receivers (nice guy that way) and intercepted Jordan Cardinal twice. One such interception was over the middle of the field where he cleanly beat his man to the spot and picked off the inaccurately thrown pass. Both interceptions were returned for touchdowns as was that of Jordan Glazer. A final interception was added by Jake Titleman. Sick Bick went on to beat Baker Boys by a score of 46-26.

Power Rankings

Division 6

Los Banditos (1-0)- We knew their defense would be dominant but it was a great showing on week 1 where Karl Janelle and Loic-Savoiz Seguin each scored on pick sixes to help pad their PF with a division high 41.
Fighting Flamingos (1-0)- Stephen Harripersaud lining up behind centre changes things for this team. They beat a weak Diablos team but that doesn’t mean that the Flamingos won’t be successful against better opposition.
One Speed: Power (1-0)- OSP overcame two boneheaded pick sixes that I had no business throwing. OSP’s complex defensive scheme gave Seth Galina fits as he threw 3 interceptions and completed only 9 passes.
Pension Plan (1-0)- Vince Pisano needs to limit mistakes for Pension Plan to be effective. He completed 75% of his passes on the first week of the season.
Farmers (1-0)- Heading into the season I did not know Corey Greenaway would be on this team. He appears to be and his impact was massive. He scored a touchdown and intercepted a pass.
2 Flags, One Cup (1-0)- I have concerns about games where Zach Jauniaux needs to throw the ball. If he can deliver in those situations he will be one of the premier dual threat quarterbacks in the division.
Clinkers (1-0)- I’m not sure if I’m a believer in a team that needed so much offensive input from one player. Luis Begin is a remarkable talent and will dominate division 6. However, there needs to be more balance on this offense moving forward as he will not get as much free roam as he had in week 1.
Tough Lungs (1-0)- My apprehension about this team was the quarterback position. Matthew Lerner looked good in his first ever game in FPF. Let’s see if this is sustainable.

Others Receiving Votes:

Goon Squad (0-1): Goon Squad lost by only two points. Massimo Cicchini posted a 135.0 QB rating in a loss. He has to be frustrated heading into week 2.
Channel 4 News Team (1-0): C4NT could have easily lost but the win against a tough opponent is notable.

Division 6D

Air Force 1 (1-0)- Perhaps this level of competition is below the level of AF1
A Determiner (1-0)- Snapper Phillipe Tremblay caught 2 touchdowns. Gabriel Beland-Lapointe played the kind of game he can play if he plays within himself.
Sick Bick: (1-0)- I had a chance to watch them play in person and I am impressed. They are a group of ball hawks who are always looking to make plays on defense.
Vultures (1-0)- I’m somewhat perturbed that Benjamin McMahon essentially had to look to only one man (Kevin Donnet, who caught 9 passes for 112 yards).
Quackers (1-0)- It’s hard for a team to come into FPF and win in their first game. Renaud St.Laurent put his name on Receiver of the Year watch as he caugh 8 passes for 88 yards and 3 championships.
Pine Riderz (0-1)– There’s some experience on this team and I remain convinced that they will win games sooner than later. Alex Noivo is an interesting player who can throw, pass and he recorded 2 interceptions on defense in his first game.
Brewers (1-0)– Guiseppe Criniti wins the award for the most old man sounding name but he also spread the ball among 6 receivers and looked good in a win over Here For the Beer.
Ball so Hard U (1–0)- They’re good. I just don’t know what to make of them until I see them play a better team and watch a larger sample size of Joseph Buffone as a quarterback.

Others Receiving Votes

Green Monster (1-0)- Holding Broke boys to only 12 points is fine. However after interceptions by Alexandre Nadeau, Darnell Kevis Riley, Patrick Jazon and Jonah Burgess, Green Monster could only muster 12 points.
Raw Sauce (1-0)- Raw Sauce actually beat Pine riderz who appear on my Power Rankings. However, this game gave me little to no information on either team. Outscoring your opponent 22-12 in the second half is an amazing feat. I’d like another week to evaluate this team.

Predictions and Fallacies

Each week fellow FPF analyst Brent Bodkin and I will go head to head to pick games to prove which of us knows more about the division. Likely, I will be right he will be wrong and order will be restored om the universe. Feel free to tell Brent how wrong he is by tweeting him at @BadNews51.

Division 6

Home Team	Visiting Team	Peeze’s Picks	Brent Bodkin’s
*Los Banditos*	*Practice Squad*	Los Banditos	Los Banditos
*The Pack*	*Farmers*	Farmers	Farmers
*Goon Squad*	*The U*	Goon Squad	The U
*Flonkerton*	*Tough Lungs*	Tough Lungs	Tough Lungs
*2 Flags, 1 Cup*	*Fighting Flamingos*	Fighting Flamingos	Fighting Flamingos
*Cugi Squad*	*Channel 4 News Team*	Channel 4 News Team	Channel 4 News Team
*Sticknmoverz*	*The Potatoes*	Sticknmovers	Sticknmovers
*Not Fast, Just Furious*	*Bruins*	Bruins	Bruins
*Vick in a Box*	*Guardians*	Vick in a Box	Vick in a Box
*Blitz Babes*	*One Speed: Power*	n/a	Blitz Babes (upset #1)
*Diablos*	*Clinkers*	Clinkers	Clinkers (upset #2)
*Pension Plan*	*Hopeful Division 6 Champions*	Pension Plan	Pension Plan

Division 6D

Home Team	Visiting Team	Peeze’s Pick	Brent Bodkin’s Picks
*Sick_bick*	*Here for the Beer*	Sick Bick	Here for the Beer
*Krakens*	*Quackers*	Krackens	Krackens (upset #1)
*Replacements*	*DGC*	DGC	Replacements (upset #2)
*Brewers*	*À Déterminer*	A Determiner	Brewers
*Vultures*	*Air Force 1*	Air Force 1	Air Force 1
*Broke Boys*	*Raw Sauce*	Broke Boys	Raw Sauce
*Sunday Touch Boys*	*Green Monster*	Sunday Touch Boys	Green Monster
*BlackSox*	*Pine Riderz*	Pine Riderz	Black Sox (Upset #3)
*Goat Depot*	*Baker Boys*	Goat Depot	Baker Boys
*Fourth & Twenty*	*Ball So Hard U.*	Ball So Hard U.	Ball So Hard U

Friday’s Foggy Fellowship

Week one is in the books and remember to dress in your finest Sunday attire as team pictures get taken on week 2. The season is shorter than it seems but 0-1 teams there is plenty of time to turn the season around.

For further analysis, tune in to the official FPF podcast Calling the Audible, where Moe Khan Simon Dagenais and I work to annoy GM Koletheras as we discuss the nudity in films, the worst ever video game consoles and why eating baby carrots probably means you’re a serial killer. Tune in to Facebook live on the FPF Facebook page on Thursday nights at 7:00pm, watch it later on www.youtube.com/flagplus or download the podcast on iTunes or Podomatic!

Thank you all, falettinme be mice elf agin.