Eccentric, Exciting and Emboldened; This is Division E

One week of the 2022 FPF spring season is in the books, and thus, it is time for our first division E recap. These will come out weekly, and will usually contain info such as: Games of the week, Team of the week, Player profiles, general insights that are meant to be helpful, and later in the season Power-Rankings.

My name is Joel Mendelson and I am covering this division for the 2022 spring season. I’ve previously played two seasons in FPF and without seeming bold, I was a goated snapper, the stats don’t lie.

Division E in FPF is always exciting due to its truly diverse field of competitors. Being the lowest division in FPF, it is traditionally composed of teams with many first-time players.

This is one of the more entertaining aspects of the division, because nobody seems to really know the rules which are specific to FPF but not football in general. In the spirit of being a nice helpful guy, here are some reminders of rules specific to FPF.

A gentleman’s game: after taking a players’ flag, you must hand it back to them. Do not drop it on the ground.
A quarterback can’t rush on two consecutive plays.
Jumping: You can not jump to avoid a tackle.
Laterals: just don’t.

And the final one which comes to mind, is never spin the ball after scoring a touchdown. I have not actually seen anyone do it yet this season, but I can tell you from personal experience that the ref will send you off for a minimum of five plays.

Without further ado, let’s get into a few notable games from this week.

Sulé Fesss (1-1) 38 – 32 The Penetrators (0-1)

This game was by far the most entertaining one that I watched this week. The Penetrators started the game strong. Lefty quarterback Justin Goodman completed his first three throws of the game, the third one being a 24 yard touchdown to Jared Boidman. Boidman led the Penetrators in every receiving stat, finishing the game with four catches, seventy three yards and a couple of touchdowns. The Pens took a 20-12 lead into halftime, which quickly disappeared. The first play of the second half saw Julien Wilson score his SECOND 40 yard touchdown of the night thanks to a perfect ball from Vincent Desrochers. The Sulé Fesss qb also got it done on the ground, rushing for a 20 yard touchdown late in the second-half to tie up the game. The comeback was underway, and finally came to fruition when Frederic Desrochers picked-off a throw from Goodman. Sulé Fesss broke the tie with two plays left in the game, and took a 38-32 win.

Both teams’ quarterbacks were stellar in the game. Desrochers completed 60% of his throws for 142 yards and five throwing touchdowns. Goodman completed nearly 70% of his throws, good for 196 yards and also five throwing touchdowns. Both teams managed to score every time they entered the Red Zone so I’m questioning whether these two are offensive juggernauts, or severely flawed defensively.

Player of the Game: Vincent Desrochers – 9/15, 142 yards, 5 TD, 4 rush 75 yards, TD.

Honorable mention: Julien Wilson 3 REC, 100 Yards, 2 touchdowns, 2 tackles, 1 Pass defended.

(1-0) Magnetos 39 – 21 Win Diesel (0-2)

I can not lie, this game was pretty one-sided. Three plays in Adam Malinoff found Jordy Melnik for a 24 yard touchdown and the flood gates opened. On the first offensive play for Win Diesel Will Sebag threw a ball to the sideline, and Dylan Dayan made one of the wildest plays I’ve ever seen. Keeping his feet in bounds, he tipped the ball backwards and into the hands of Lewis Epstein who ran it back for a touchdown. After some deliberation by the refs they determined Dayan never had possession of the ball, therefore was not a lateral and the play stood as a touchdown.

Sebag struggled in the first half throwing three interceptions, but it is worth noting that the majority of their team were playing their first FPF game ever so obviously there’s going to be a learning curve. The Magnetos scored four first-half touchdowns and took a 25 point lead into the break.

The second half had a much different tone. After a nine yard sack by James Wiseman, Sebag bounced back with a fifty yard bomb to Carl Charbonneau for a score. Later in the half he completed another long ball to Barthélemy Hugé for a 41 yard touchdown. Hugé finished with a game-high 69 yards and two touchdowns on just four catches.

Personally I think Win Diesel is a much better team than they showed and once they get a bit more experience the wins will surely come.

As for the Magnetos, they are a very young team and they play with a ton of athleticism. I can’t expect them to play this well all season, but if they do, they will not lose many games. Final score: 39 – 21

Player of the Game: Lewis Epstein – 6 catches, 31 yards, 2 TD, Pick Six.

Honorable mention: Jordy Melnik – 1 catch, 24 yards, TD, INT, Pass defense.

(1-0) Vick in a Box 39 – 6 Tsizzle (0-1)

In addition to having a very funny team name, Vick in a Box was tremendous on defense in their season debut. They allowed just seven completions in the first half, and held Tsizzle scoreless for the majority of the contest. Nicholas Sanche was far and away the best defensive player of the game. He accumulated 10 tackles and a pick-six. 10 tackles is truly ridiculous volume, especially when you take into account that Tsizzle only completed ten passes during the game. On offense Craig Browning could do no wrong. He caught all four of his targets for 86 yards and three touchdowns, he also picked up an interception on D. Vick in a Box quarterback Nick Richard embodied efficiency in the win. He completed 11 of his 13 throwing attempts, good for 169 yards and four touchdowns with the sole blemish being a second-half interception which led to Tsizzle’s touchdown.

Joe Morgese was the only scorer of the day for Tsizzle, he caught five passes for 63 yards and a touchdown. Carmelo Di Giovanni had a tough day in the pocket. He completed 10 of 25 throws for 85 yards, 1 touchdown, and four interceptions. He was much more successful running the ball picking up 47 yards on six rushes, even snatching some ankles in the process.

The result of the game is not terribly surprising when you look at the team ratings. Vick in a Box’ total rating is 30 points higher than Tsizzle’s on both offense and Defense.

Player of the game: Craig Browning – 4 catches, 86 Yards, 3 TD, INT.

Honorable mentions:

Nicholas Sanche – 3 catches, 36 yards, Pick six, 10 tackles.

Nick Richard – 11/13, 169 yards, 4 TD, INT.

Division E Team of the Week – Week 1

QB – Matthew Zeppetelli – Big Fat Bats

I did not have the privilege of watching Big Fat Bats’ week 1 matchup, however the numbers tell the tale. Zeppetelli completed 15 of 21 throws, accumulating 212 yards and 6 touchdowns for a QBR of 143.3. He also rushed four times for a total of 58 yards and a score.

WR – Eric Pawlusiak – Brewers

The Brewers have already played two games whereas the majority of teams have played just one. However, Eric Pawlusiak’s stats through two games are very strong. On June 5th he recorded 6 catches for seventy eight yards and a touchdown, and on the 9th he caught 8 passes for 70 yards and two touchdowns. He is currently averaging over 10 yards per catch.

WR – Alexandre Blais – Scranton Stranglers

Alexandre is one of the few receivers in the league who is yet to drop a ball. He’s caught all 13 of the passes thrown his way, accumulating 73 yards and 2 touchdowns in just one game.

WR – Jeremy Laplante – The Praetorian Guard

Jeremy had a solid game against Win Diesel. He had 4 receptions for 48 yards and a touchdown, averaging 12 yards per catch. He now has three touchdowns in his first two games in FPF.

Defense – Nicholas Sanche – Vick in a Box

As I said before, this man Nicholas Sanche recorded 10 tackles and a pick-six in just one game. Never before have I seen someone pull flags with so much consistency, and what appeared to be ease.

Defense – Adair Morales Alfaro – The Pillow Talkers

The Pillow talkers have already played two games, and Adair has recorded 4+ tackles in both. Against the Brewers he scored a pick-six in the second half, helping his team climb out of a 19-6 hole to eventually win it 26-19.

Defense – Zackary Alberts-Gill – QB Roulette

In just one game, Zackary Alberts-Gill is already responsible for 4 sacks. Having not seen the game I’m going to assume that at least one of these sacks was a result of a bad snap (sorry if incorrect). Nevertheless, 4 sacks in the first week of the season is outstanding.

And there you have it, the first week of the 2022 FPF spring season is in the books. If your team has not made the article, fret-not, for I will be around all season. Also, if you’ve made it this far and have any suggestions for the coming articles, do not hesitate to let me know. Next week’s article will also include power-rankings, which I did not think to be necessary after just one week of action. Good Luck to everyone in Week 2, I’ll be seeing you all at the field.