Peeze’s Playbook (Div 5) – FlagPlus Football League

When the air turns cold and crisp and you can feel the blood freezing in your veins, you know it’s time for FlagPlus Football. It is the kind of weather where, even inside the comfort of a dome the pig skin stings as it falls into your hands.

So, week one is hours away and 10 weeks of exciting, gut-wrenching excitement lie ahead. There will be tears, occasional fears perhaps even some cheers, but, above all else, there will be football. For those teams with fans, remember to remind them when shouting, to ‘let it all it’, because after all, these are in fact the things we can do without.

Once again, our media coverage for FPF’s most popular division is extensive. In addition to my article, players of this division can expect a weekly article in French by Mat Domon (a clear bonus for our bilingual membership), and Calling the Audible will return for it’s forth season as the official aural companion to the written media. The podcast is available by subscribing via iTunes or by visiting: http://fpf.podomatic.com/.

Dramatis Personae

Please allow me a moment or two to present the opening credits to you. The following is a list of the people who will act as your guides this season.

Peeze- For those new to the league/division, I am Peeze. While my mother knows me as Paolo Della Rocca, I have established a new persona while working in this league. I write, I podcast, I listen to your inner-most FPF desires and help lead you through the vast wilderness of Division 5.

This is my third and a half-ish season covering division 5/D and, to be honest, I love it. Division 5 is always rich with story lines, drama and competitive flag football. Feel free to send me love letters and adoration while hate mail can be deposited in my mailboxes, which, are disguised to look like garbage bins at every FPF field.

Terry Tam- The man with the incredibly uncontrollable and high-pitched laugh is my co-host on our weekly podcast Calling the Audible. Terry is an interesting on air personality and he is known across this vast dominion for his dis-proportionate yet still uncannily impressive thumbs. One look and you can never look at your thumbs the same way again. If Terry Tam ever wins an Oscar he will prove, that much like Nicholas Cage, if you speak at random volumes people will for some reason, bestow you with honors and quite literally pay you in barrels full of cash.

Make sure to ask him about this at the fields or on twitter @TerryTamFPF.

p.s. he loves showing people his thumbs!

Mathieu Domon- Mat is a reputed quarterback, wide-receiver and defender who built his name in division 5. His responsible brand of journalism is the perfect response to my own brand of whacky, maniacal ramblings. While he rocks the flannel shirt better than most 90’s grunge album covers, he has a lot to learn when it comes to predicting the outcomes of flag football games. More on our burgeoning rivalry to follow…

Sergio Sicoli- Sergio is a former member of division 5’s Big Blue Wrecking Crew and now finds himself on the Pick 6 roster this season. His weekly contribution to my article is like Tabasco sauce on eggs. Why? Because it makes them better!

The Eagle at Master Control- Last year’s award winning FPF media member is the archetypal ‘man behind the man’. His technical prowess is akin to the closest thing we’ll ever have to a perpetual motion machine. Rising through the ranks from FPF tech-geek to all-powerful producer is sure to make the podcasts as enjoyable as it will make our lives difficult.

The Unclehood Studios- The new home of FPF Radio. Tune in for our weekly podcasts as they are sure to thrill, amaze and inspire. In the off-chance that my previous statement was somewhat exaggerated, note that we may talk about, you, your team or any other random and bizarre topics in any given week. The only way to be sure is by tuning in!

What to Expect

Tuesday’s Article

-Recap of Weekend games

-5 plays till halftime

-Fantasy Update

-Tuesday Mid-Afternoon Running Back

Friday’s Article

-Recap of Monday/Wednesday games

-Hungover Visions of the World of Tomorrow

-Start’em/Sit’em, Love’em/Hate’em with Sergio Sicoli

-Power Rankings (based on the previous week of action)

-Reflections, Rants and Ravings

*all of these segments are subject to change as I often don’t remember what I did the previous week or what I had for breakfast. There are also ‘seasonal segments’ that come around in the times of the season where they seem more appropriate (playoff brackets, mid-season breakdowns, all-star nominee’s, the Peeze Awards, etc.) Also, if you have ideas regarding what you would like to see in my article please feel free to contact me.

A Hitchhiker’s Guide to My Segments

Recap: Put simply, this is the segment where I will go over some of the games from the previous day. It’s like Sports Centre but without the benefit of replay or charismatic anchor’s. I will try as much as possible to cover as many teams as possible as well as focus on key games as they occur. Those who know me can attest to the fact that I try to watch as many games as possible and I prefer to write about what I’ve seen first hand. However, as it isn’t physically possible to make it to every game, feel free to let me know what happened in your matchup.

5 plays Till Half Time-. Each week The Eagle at Master Control will send me five quick fire questions and I will do my best to answer them with the least amount of forethought possible. Given that I’m not partial to thinking, this should be fun.

Reflections, Rants and Ravings: This is a returning segment from past seasons. This where I give shout outs, bestow call-outs and go off on whatever tangent seems partially relevant on any given week. Some of it is related to FPF, some is related to football and some may be particularly awkward icebreakers I test with my audience before trying them on particularly attractive females in hotel bars. At times I may seem to lose focus, but trust me it all ties together in the end, and sometimes, it doesn’t.

Fantasy Update- A true Battle Royale of FPF media members: I will square off against reigning champion Terry Tam, reigning cellar-dweller Simon Dagenais, as well as fellow contenders: The Eagle at Master Control, GM Koletheras, Matt Domon, and many others in pursuit of the most important championship of the season (other than the FPF trophy, of course).

Power Rankings: This is where I take a look at the division on the whole and decide who I think can beat He-Man in a slugfest. I then publish my findings in a top-ten format. I’m often wrong about this so in the end it truly means nothing. Either way I invite you to let me know why you think your team should be considered.

Tuesday Mid-Afternoon Running Back: In this segment, I review my picks and try to figure out why I thought some teams looked so pretty after a couple of drinks in a certain light. It is in fact a play on the term: Monday-Morning Quarterback. The reality is no one expects a writer to wake up in the morning, so why pretend? This season, I test my apparent clairvoyance against The Eagle at Master Control.

Hung-over Visions of The World of Tomorrow- This is my predictions section. On the subject of predictions, the Eagle at Master Control made a combination of squawking bird sounds that loosely translates to:

“Making picks on Friday is like planning your weekend; you think you have an idea of what you want to do, but you end up getting it all wrong and waking up in all the wrong places”

Start’em/Sit’em, Love’em/Hate’em with Sergio Sicoli- Each week, Big Blue and I will discuss 4 players and weather we would play them/sit them, or whether they have earned our love or our hate. Remember if we hate you, it isn’t personal it’s just that you probably lost us a lot of money in a very deranged side-bet.

Preseason Power Rankings

Pre-season power rankings are as pointless as washing your car in the winter. The conditions are terrible and largely unpredictable. Nonetheless, the expectation is that you do so anyway, lest your pants be full of salt stains. This is who I think are the top ten teams heading into the 2014 winter season:

Sphinx-The Sphinx are the frontrunners this season. Despite having a record that drew close to .500 in division 4 the last winter season (4-5-1) the Sphinx dropped down to division 5 and seem to be ready for action. Etienne Cloutier is a very capable quarterback and I believe he will cause a lot of trouble for teams this season.
First Downers- The First Downers surprised everyone by jumping from division 5 last winter to division C this past spring. Despite finishing with a 2-8 record they fought hard every game and are primed for success with all that they’ve learned by playing higher division football.
Mysterious and Magical Men- Surely this team is run by Billy Beane. To have the three Bishara’s on the same team and fit under the cap is no small feat. However, it takes more than three guys to win football games so we’ll have to see if this experiment will pan out.
A-Squad- François Èthier has returned at quarterback and one glimpse at the roster shows that Cedrick Knuckle (the Hamburger Helper of wide receivers) appears on the roster once more. Knuckle is a tough man to cover, he has won big games and paired with a quarterback who he has experience with the duo can be dangerous. John Kelly Bastien has the same kind of impact on the other side of the ball as one of the division’s top shut down defenders.
Centurions- I’ve been a converted believer of this team before and I’m on board once again. It seems that last season’s phenomenal quarterback sensation Philipe Giguere is not on the roster to start the season. Nonetheless, Jeremy Laporte is a competent quarterback in his own right. They are a great group of players and they have a lot of experience playing with each other. Justin Melrose and Sebastien Morin transform the defensive backfield into a veritable no-fly zone and now that we’ve seen that they can put up points, watch out for the Green Gang every time they step on the field.
Gryphons- Aleksander Papich is an elite receiver and Pap N’Co have a wealth of experience having played in division 3. They struggled in that season but I think they will do just fine in division 5. Don’t be surprised to see this team make a run at the championship.
Shamrocks- Doug Mckernan is a smart, quarterback that was made to play FPF. He knows what to call, he eludes rushers and he makes big plays. They’ve been a solid team for a couple of seasons. Hopefully this will translate despite missing a few players from last season’s campaign.
Lachine Squad Utopians-The Boozers were successful but the Hangovers left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. Sobered up, I think the Lachine Squad Utopians are a contender
Limetime- In my mind this is a make or break season for Limetime. In past seasons they have struggled against the top teams in their division. They will need to step it up in big moments and I think they will.
Midnight Bombers- An offshoot of my favorite FPF team in the league’s history (the Jaggerbomb). This may be bias but I like their speed and tenacity. This is the kind of team you can’t help but want to see succeed.

Other Teams Receiving Votes

Unlike NCAA football, I will never move to a playoff format. As always, these teams appear in no particular order and with no warning label; they are as follows:

Cougars- The Iadeluca cousins are reunited and while I wonder which will be behind the snapper I know this team is one that has gotten better each season and their physical stature and football IQ make them a difficult matchup. My only concern is weather or not they lack the overall team speed to compete in this new-era FPF.
Black Ice- Nyle Anderson may be the best athlete in the league and Anthony Grillone proved to be a leader last season. Hopefully they can build on what they’ve learned. My worry is that Ian Einheiber has not been careful with the ball in the past. If this continues to be the norm they will struggle.
Tomahwak Nightmare- They made it to the Division E championship and they play a tough physical style that may be difficult for division 5 teams to match up against. However Div.5 is very different from Div.E and the transition period may prove to be difficult.
Speed Demons- They had a rough summer season going 2-7-1 in perhaps the strongest talent pool division D has ever seen. Now that the level of talent has leveled off, can we see the Speed Demons surge?
Les Albatros- They are looking in new direction at quarterback but they are fast and talented. As no one on the roster has ever thrown a pass in FPF we will have to see if this is indeed an improvement.
Ballz Deep- In the past Vinny Gualano was BD’s big name to pair with household name Anthony Da Silva. This season they have opted to go for Shawn Haney. While he does provide match-up problems for any defense, Haney has had issues in the past. If he can keep his temper in check, Ballz Deep can be frightening.
Hit Squad- This team boasts Matthew Horobec and Scott Kelly. Hopefully they’ve surrounded the top end talent with a lot of useful role players.
Tune Squad- They seem to be a reincarnation of the Average Joe’s who won a championship in Spring 2011. This time around they won’t be able to add any big names as the season wears on because the cap system will make it quite difficult. That being said: “Who needs Chris Smith?”
Clinique Physio Impact- Bozzo and Co. had a very successful first season as Ecurie Bar et Tables. Will we see this continue?

Teams that may surprise you

The following are a list of teams that may surprise you this season. Either they’re from a lower division, they have struggled or have had roster issues in the past, or just have a favorable schedule. In any case, keep your eye on these teams:

-J’s- Hai Minh Luong is a perfect quarterback for division 5. He protects the ball and drives the field methodically. Alexandre Chasse is a fast, rangy wide receiver. He will give Luong the next downfield threat that can make them truly terrifying.

– Los Banditos- I like the pieces that they’ve put together. Overall they are a solid team and the defensive corps of David Della Rocca, Yavar Ashrafi and Josh Levine is as strong as any other in the division. I like the way their schedule lays out for them and we can expect a couple of big wins by this team.

-Mad Bears- Sebastien Thibault was an outstanding first year qb last winter and I think we will see the strides he’s made. This is a new team but experience at the quarterback position is of paramount importance and Thibault is a good young quarterback.

-Ghosts- I’d like to consider this team as viable contenders but I don’t know who will be taking the snaps for this team. While François Martin did struggle last season he did show a glimpse of something special. With the receivers that he has it may just be a matter of time before they start to click.

Prove Me Wrong

So, there are some teams that I just don’t believe in to start the season. This doesn’t mean they are bad but rather I do not see how they can excel with their current roster. Consider this a call for these teams to prove me wrong.

– Montreal’s Junior Finest- Giving yourself that name is just asking for a target to be put on your back. I have been critical of Moe Khan as a passer before and while he did improve last season he will need to step up his game if we expect to see MJF in the post season. This team’s defense will be strong but can they score points?

-Tyrants- There is just so many times you can ask a girl out the dance before you abandon all hope. I want this team to return to past glory but they have struggled in past seasons. They have the talent, they just have to put it together on the field.

-Expendables- Many of the players played on Pendant Publishing. I like Allan Lester as a quarterback but he may be missing the tools to make a difference.

-Green Lantern Corps- They’ve struggled in the past and the roster looks similar to past seasons. Hopefully they can get more from their squad.

-Warriors- The Warriors hope they have finally found an answer in Mike Bagnato at quarterback. Let’s hope this is the answer they’ve been looking for.

-Vikings- The Vikings were a surprising feel good story in the spring. Let’s hope the experience of playing in the spring season pays off.

-Pick 6- Evan Ely Nolet returns to play quarterback and has surrounded himself with a good cast. That being said, I don’t see who will emerge as the superstar.

– Pardon My Swag- I don’t see Karl Lavallée on the roster and he was truly their top weapon last season.

-Loose Cannons- They struggled last season and the roster seems more or less the same. I hope that I’m wrong but I predict that they will once again have difficulty this season.

-Blue Balls of Desitiny- I have learned never to discount Loic Savoiz-Seguin. However, much like last winter, he finds himself with an unfamiliar roster.

-Cheeseburger Eddy- I don’t think that the duo f Billy Seretis and Jonathan Makris will be enough to win games. I’d like to see what the squad looks like as a whole before jumping on the bandwagon.

I Legitimately, Straight-up Don’t Know You

Your names are unfamiliar and I don’t know who you are yet. That being said you have cool team names and I’m sure that you’ll be ready and willing to take the division by storm. In the meantime, send me an email, tell me about your team and tell me why your team is the next up and coming franchise in FPF. Email me at [email protected].

Game Changers- I like your name but with no FPF experience, it’s difficult to talk about your team.

Dope Boys- With 14 players on the roster I wonder if squabbles regarding playing time will arise.

Hung-over Visions of the World of Tomorrow

The predictions section is everyone’s favorite (or so I assume). We have some great matchups in week one but none will be as epic as the season long battle between Mathieu Domon and I who will go head-to-head in our weekly articles as we attempt to predict the future and your team’s fates. Feel free to tell him why he will lose by tweeting him @MathieuDomonFPF.

This is how I think week one will shake out:

Dope Boys vs. Midnight Bombers

Tune Squad vs. Pardon My Swag

Centurions vs. Gryphons

Shamrocks vs. Limetime

Mysterious and Magical Men vs. Warriors

Mad Bears vs. Green Lantern Corps

Speed Demons vs. Tomahawk Nightmare

A Squad vs. Sphinx

Lachine Squad Utopians vs. Tyrants

Ballz Deep vs. First Downers

Loose Cannons vs. Clinique Physio Impact

Hit Squad vs. Cheeseburger Eddy

Ghosts vs. Cougars

Black Ice vs. Blue Balls of Destiny

Montreal’s Junior Finest vs. Les Albatros

J’s vs. Los Banditos

Pick 6 vs. Vikings

Expendables vs. Game Changers

Friday’s Final Thought

Without the benefit of Porky the Pig popping up to let folks no that this is in fact a wrap, I’ll need to do it in one last tidy segment. This part of the season is truly as exciting as it is mysterious. For further analysis, tune in to the official FPF division http://fpf.podomatic.com/. Until then if you have any questions, comments or demands for recipes please feel free to email me at [email protected] or by tweeting me @PeezeFPF.

Have a great and safe first week of action. See you at the fields!